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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

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Tuesday
Apr222008

Spring break

Readers, my son is at my parents' house all week, and you know what that means. I'm not wearing any pants! Is what it means!

Okay, actually, I am wearing pants right now. But in spirit, I am as pantsless as the day I was born.

When I left Henry today, he was casually announcing to my mom that he couldn't help but notice that right next to the new adventure park in her town (the one where they're spending the day) there's an ice-cream stand, you know, so in case they needed some ice cream after riding some rides, well, there it is! Isn't that convenient! And then my mom said, "And I think after ice cream we should get you some more Legos for our house." Henry concurred, then glanced at me and said, "Okay, bye, Mom." Get out of here before you make some stupid speech about moderation, woman. My boy is going to miss me something fierce! I can feel it!

While Henry's over there, I am going to be here catching up on many long overdue projects and deadlines and plants that need planting. And mulch! My god, there's so much mulch to be, you know. Put down. Around the, uh, plants, and such. It's a wonder I haven't killed the neighbors' gardens, along with my own. Anyway, this is all to say that as I will be Going Wild all week, I will not be so much with the posting on this here web-log Internet site. Barring some sort of extraordinary occurrence, like I'm arrested for speeding while nude and I need you to bail me out. I am almost sure this won't happen again, though, so try not to worry.

Reader Comments (36)

As a child when I stayed with my grandparents, I somehow convinced my grandmother TO BRUSH MY TEETH FOR ME.

I don't know if she didn't know I could do it by myself or if she was just indulging me, but either way, I really got a kick out of it.

Talk about spoiled! It was such a change from my otherwise very strict household.
April 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Window Seat
So...you told us this just so we could feel jealous? That's not nice.

But if you feel lonely this week, I've got 6 kids (count them! 6!) to keep you company. Don't worry - the 2 teens won't talk to you much.
April 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSuburbanCorrespondent
Am so jealous! We had our spring break in March. MARCH! When it was cold and shitty. And since I write from home, it was a pleasant week full of children looking at me expecting me to "entertain" them (whatever that means.)Enjoy mulching! HA! We have a lawn service because my husband and I are dorks.P.S. Have a good week.
April 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFabGirl
My daughter spent her spring break with my mom in Denver with one of my mom's sister who got both my non-coffee-drinking mother and my 7-year-old daughter hooked on Starbucks frappuccinos. My daughter still starts salivating whenever she sees a Starbucks logo. The detox was not fun.

My husband and I spend our week in Texas where I drank a lot of Hornitos margaritas and took off my pants a lot. The theme of the trip was "Robin, put your pants on." I guess having kids stifles our need to run around pantsless.

Rock on, pantsless mama.
April 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRivetergirl
Oh, dear. I wonder what this says about me and my child rearing that my kid loses a bit when she goes with the parents. Yes, she gets more sugar and there is TEEVEE! But they actually try to make her do what they want. Most of the time, we don't even bother with that. So it's kind of a wash. What she likes is for us to be there, in all our parental laxness, protecting her from my parents' bossiness while they slip her candy on the side. With the TV on of course.
April 22, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterozma
When I was a kid, I used to spend a week at my Grandma's house every summer. (She lived five minutes away.) It was The Greatest because she would let me wear one of her way-too-big nightgowns, she would let me eat an entire orange before bed, and she would wake me up at three in the morning so that we could talk to my Grandpa on the CB during his drive home from work.

Thirty years later, I now yearn for some pantless days...
April 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAngela
So... are you going to do your mulching pantsless?
April 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSonja
My spring break involved wearing pants in the snow, hail and rain, but the highlight was my son's appendectomy. I'm pretty sure I got the wrong spring break...

Enjoy your uninterrupted time and savor your pantsless freedom :)
April 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterReverie
LOL. Okay, I took this into the bathroom with me just to finish the read. Is that a compliment ORRRRR?????



April 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGodless Sunday
You can do the pants-less or not pants-less thing 24/7 if you only invested in some chaps. Not that I would know anything about that (I don't!), it's just a thought.JulesHouse of Jules



April 22, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjules
I'm so happy for you, in all of your pantsless, going wild abandon. It gives me hope that I may also, one day, go wild without the kiddo too (you know, mulch and stuff, in silence...).
April 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBeth
So Alice, you're "going wild" all week and the best you can do is mulch?

I'd go with the pant-less thing. Have some child-less, pant-less fun for us, will ya?

Kim
*Again?*

Story! Story!!!
April 22, 2008 | Unregistered Commenternate
It's probably become lame to say I dig your blog at this point, but I'm new here, and I do, so I wanted to say it anyway.

Enjoy your break.
April 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKyle
Mulch away! If you feel like mulching my yard, feel free! Enjoy your week of being pantsless!
April 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMauigirl
Mauigirl, I promise to put on my pants while I'm in the backyard. You know I wouldn't do that to you.

And thanks, Kyle! Nothing lame about digging my blog at all!
April 22, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteralice
I hate it when I'm arrested for speeding while nude. It really ruins my day.Have fun mulching and enjoy your alone time. I'd pay for some alone time.
April 23, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChristine
Have fun with all of your mulchy muchiness, although you're giving me one less way to dick around at work this week. Sigh.
April 23, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Grace
Dearest Alice,

If you're arrested for nudily speeding, consider me your Speedy Bail Bondsman.

Bounty fully,Joe



April 23, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeyJoe
Mulching?! Yeah, right. Without pants, that will be quite a sight...
April 23, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDee
Oh My God, a week at the grandparents! That would be heaven but it is not to be for me, I can't even get my kids out of my bed.
April 23, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKim
I began the mulching process today (it is quite a process - I moved into this house last year and inherited the Botanical Gardens - and a gardener, I am not) I mulched fully clothed, and it was quite messy. Beware if mulching pantless.
April 23, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPam
You just know the combination of "pantsless", "nude" and "mulch" in this post is going to drive your traffic waaaaay up with the green thumb/perv set.
April 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Mom Bomb
We support pants-less parenting. But we'd recommend covering yourself before you mulch.
April 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Huge Mistake
I detest mulch and am searching for the fastest growing ground cover to grow perfectly between all my plants so that I never, ever have to mulch again.

Oh, and please garden in pants. Pantless gardening is just not a good idea.
April 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFairly Odd Mother

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