Please, oh please, no advice.

This week over at Momversation, Rebecca brought up the topic of picky eaters, and I laughed; oh, how I laughed. If you’ve been following this blog for any length of time, you may remember my periodic rants about Henry's eccentric eating habits. I wish I could report that my son's diet has evolved even a little since that time, but alas, I cannot. We are dealing with it, in our usual clumsy manner, with the help of a nutritionist. It is not easy. Our son is more than a little strong-willed. It is a characteristic I'm sure I will someday come to admire.

As you may have noticed from the title, up there, I am not seeking advice, thank you anyway. But feel free to share your own picky-eater stories.

Comments

[Badger]

I started an entire blog to chronicle the summer during which I stopped cooking separate "kid" food at dinner and started making just one meal that the whole family could eat, or not (in which case they were welcome to make their own).

Three years later, I've got one kid who lives on popcorn and tortilla chips, and another who, upon hearing that a vendor at our neighborhood farmer's market now offers goat meat for sale, asked me to buy some because he'd really like to try that.

Yeah. I have no advice for anyone. I can't even figure out my OWN kids.

[Allison]

I sincerely appreciate your picky eater story. If you are what you eat, my 2 1/2 yr old is a bowl of mac & cheese, half a pb&j with a side of Cheetos. The child has never voluntarily touched a veggie in his life, except to use it to eat the Ranch dressing I serve with them. We are a 2 meal family (I swore we never would be) in part because of his early bedtime but also because I choose not to fight mealtime.

Thanks for presenting your point of view in a nonjudgemental manner. (Thanks for doing that regardless of topic.)

[Viv]

I'm convinced that it has nothing to do with what you make or how its cooked. Ours are twins, and have been given the same foods as each other every day of their lives, and yet one could happily live on a total of 5 specific food items, and the other will eat anything that looks even remotely edible.

It just is what it is.

[rahree]

according to my mom, i survived on nothing but hot dogs and bologna for years, and have grown into a happy, functional - if not quite "normal" - adult. Take heart!

[Kendra]

I was just ranting to my sister about all the people who say "Well, if you just..." Yes, I've tried that. And the other thing too. I've tried being all food Nazi about it, and I've tried being laid back. I've tried "you have to try it," and he threw it up on me. I've tried putting it in front of him again and again, and he's rejected the same things every single time. Now I know that putting banana on his plate is exactly the same as unpeeling it, cutting it, and dropping it in the garbage. I've had him pick the vegetable (he always picks carrots--which he eats, but it can't be great for him every single day). And I've had him help, but he just announces which ingredients he doesn't like ("don't use yogurt, because I hate yogurt").

I am thrilled for anyone who has a great eater or for anyone whose tricks have worked. But I agree, it's extremely frustrating!

[tomncristy]

I do not have kids (my husband and I married a little late in life and decided not to), but I completely respect the effort it must take to try to get kids to eat right. My husband is the result of a mom who let him eat whatever he wanted and ONLY what he wanted. I now have to figure out how to fix healthy meals, working around his meat and potatoes (but only when they're fried or mashed) appetite.

He will eat veggies if they're mixed in like in a pot pie or casserole, but this man has never been near a salad, and he still pushes most of them to the side of his plate. He's trying to do better for my sake, but it's a battle. I can't imagine what all of you have to go through, trying to do this with a child (or children). I applaud you.

[Michelle]

I can commiserate with you...our first is a picky eater (he is getting better but still has a long way to go). He would survive on yogurt, cheese and apples with the occasional piece of bread thrown in if I allowed. You can only imagine what all the cheese did for his bowels (sorry TMI).

My second is the complete opposite - she will eat almost anything handed to her. This is helping the first to eat a few more things because he is more or less jealous of her. It has made life easier with her being such a good eater but we still have daily battles with #1.

[hi kooky]

Okay. I stumbled across this theory: Kids are biologically programmed to stop eating everything we put in front of them about the same time they become really independent walkers/explorers. The theory is that the taste preferences really do change to protect the child from eating potentially dangerous things (poisonous berries/leaves/bugs) they might come across on an "adventure" (when we're not looking). I always liked this theory, whether it's true or not. When I looked at it as a survival mechanism, it was easier for me to deal with the fact that my boys' palettes shrank around age two or three. At the very least, it's an interesting idea.

[highlyirritable]

My daughter lived 2 whole years on breastmilk and carpet lint. Even now, the only thing she eats on a regular basis is BBQ chicken kabobs and communion wafers. My son, on the other hand, will eat anything that is dead, and even that rule is sometimes broken.

No advice, because none needed. Like a lot of child related issues, it only a problem if you DON'T care, and you clearly do. He'll most likely grow up to have a great palette for foods you refused (rightly) to force on him.

[Stephanie]

Oh, Alice, I feel your pain. My seven year old son is also extremely picky. He has a list of about 6 foods he'll eat (not including fruit--he'll eat several kinds of fruit). We've tried all of the techniques, too, and nothing really worked. And just like Henry, he's tried a new food, said that he liked it, but said he would not eat it again. He has also tried something, said that he liked it and then decided the next time he tried it that he was wrong, he doesn't like it after all. It's all very frustrating. I do believe that some kids are just pickier than others (and some are WAY pickier). My mother told me that I lived on bologna, hot dogs, and vegetable soup for at least a year, and I'll actually eat more than three things now. But I'm still pretty picky--I think that's just how it is for some of us.And if your child is stubborn, good luck. We once told Max that he absolutely HAD to try a bite of bean stew, and after a whole lot of whining and crying, he finally did. Then he gagged and threw up on the table. So forcing the issue does not work in our case.I've said many times that I'm done making separate meals, but it only lasts for a day or two, and then I'm back to making mac & cheese for the kids again.

The only positive thing I can say is that over the last year or so, he is more willing to actually try new foods. I think it's at least in part because we've really tried to make it pressure-free for him (like, just one bite, if you hate it you can spit it out in your napkin, we won't make you eat more even if you do like it, etc). And, for some reason, he's much more willing to try it if we look away when he takes the first bite.And if I have a glass of wine with dinner, I care a a whole lot less that my son is a stubbornly picky little stinker.

[die Frau]

I was a total picky eater as a child: I used to peel all the skin off my grilled hot dogs before I would eat them. I refused to drink milk at school because it always tasted sour coming out of that little carton. I also would not eat the gross ham and cheese or grilled cheese: I just began eating cheese on anything but pizza ten years ago when my friends informed me that I was a freak and needed to get over it. The teachers had to let me use their salad bar because that was all I would eat.

I did turn out OK and I don't think I've suffered or been a weirdo adult because of it. My friends and family may say differently....

[kayobe]

A picky or bland palette seems to be genetically or biologically determined.

I will eat anything under the sun only drawing the line at red meat, only because I don't care for it and seem to have trouble digesting it. I don't eat dairy either because while I love it, it doesn't love me back. Throw any vegetable at me and I'll be happy. My favorite veggie as a kid was brussel sprouts. My junk food junkie parents didn't know where this preference came from. I hated sugary cereals but my friends were always in awe and jealous we could eat all the junk food we wanted. Count Chockula and Coke for breakfast - sure! I instead used to beg for oatmeal and fruit.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is my husband who's major food groups seem to be pizza (but only peperoni), chicken fingers, cookies, chips and soda. I have to sneak vegetables into the meals. He claims they have no taste or taste 'off'. While he's expanded his taste buds since we're together and is open to trying new things he still wouldn't eat a vegetable on his own.

His theory is you eat what you need, that your body tells you through your taste buds. It's an interesting theory.

[kayobe]

p.s. I meant to say Dana's attitude about making her kids eat the food that night, the next day or until it rotted reminded me of the scene in Mommy Dearest when Christina and her mother battled over the raw steak. Sometimes it's not about the food but control. This type of food based batttle/control can lead to eating disorders.

[Mary]

My older son eats the following things: chicken nuggets (but only Tyson, from the box, not the bag, because the breading is different), toast with butter or perhaps cheese toast, applesauce (thickened with baby oatmeal for the iron), saltine crackers, Veggie Straws, tortilla/potato chips, and popcorn - like his mother, he likes crunchy/salty. He drinks lightly sweetened tea. He was in feeding therapy for over 18 months to get to that point.

We grind up a multivitamin in his morning applesauce every day, and hope it covers some of the gaps. He didn't eat solid food until he was about 15 months old, and nursed until he was 3 to get some nutrition. He probably would have nursed longer, but I was pregnant and extremely ill.Sensory Processing Disorder combined with Autism and Apraxia is a joy in terms of eating, and I was totally one of those people who swore I would have a kid who ate everything. Life teaches you things.

[heyjoe]

Dearest Alice,

I will save my advice for a long, rambling, advice-laden e-mail.

Munificently,Joe

[Deanna]

It's luck, the kind of eater you have. It's all luck. My sister suffered terrible reflux as a child so us kids had a separate bland meal, much to my father's consternation. She still eats around her stomach acid problems and has baked plain chicken and some raw veggies four nights out of five and I live on sushi, Ethiopian, and homemade pesto. He'll outgrow it, or he won't, and as long as his height/weight stays on track, keep making videos of impressions of Henry's irritating cookie eating.

[Jennifer]

I never realized that so many people have kids who "used to eat everything" (like my son). It's great to hear things like that. He's ten now, and actually eats pretty well (even declaring that he LOVED blueberries). But it wasn't long ago that he only ate: bagels with peanut butter (or toasted with butter), pizza, bananas and eggs (but only if cooked by grandma). We once had a very dramatic (yet amusing) reaction to a mango lassi (kindly given to him at an Indian restaurant). Thankfully it didn't end up with him vomiting--but we came close! I really enjoy your blog--and I'm a fellow Brooklynite.

[kate]

I'm sorry, but Dana? Is a NUT job. I agree with kayobe; that that type of "then you'll eat it for breakfast and it's going to be on your plate for every meal until it rots" style of parenting leads to eating disorders and issues around food FOR LIFE. It is sick and abusive.

[Amber Lynae]

I can't say my little girl is just not a big eater. She LOVES mac and cheese, and she will eat green beans, broccoli and cucumbers. They are the veggie staples in our home (because of her preference). But she is the type that doesn't care whether she has dessert or not.

[Liz]

I mean, geez, who was that relative who told you to just let your kid eat macaroni and cheese every night? ANYONE would know that was a recipe (no pun intended) for disaster.

[Lisa]

My 15-year-old son eats only brown and white food. Since the first bite of pureed green peas was spit back in my face, he has never touched ANYTHING that is green, red, orange, or yellow. (Not counting Kool-Aid.)

So ass-vice? Is gonna come from somewhere else, sweetie.

[Sarah]

My brother was a picky eater. My parents never acknowledged it. They wouldn't even let him dicate want went on a family pizza. He didn't eat what they fixed? Fine drink your milk and clear your plate. He was able to make himself cereal and milk from about the age of two and would often eat it for three meals a day. The ironic thing is that at 30 he lives to throw potlucks, barbeques and dinner parties. He is only a picky eater in that he strives to put "the best" ingredients in what he makes. Go figure.

[bea]

No kids of my own - but my very best friend is a self-identified 'picky eater'. Her biggest challenge is not influencing her own kids. The oldest two are just 3 and 4 - and of course love anything covered in ketchup.

Heh - they're happy and healthy. What's to complain about?

[Lynn @ human, being]

my stepson, almost 12, has about a dozen things in his diet:

chicken nuggetsfrench friessoda (real and diet)hot dogs--but not nitrite free ones, and only almost-raw, and plainonion ringsCheese-itssqueeze cheesepancakeswafflessyrupscrambled eggs, but only hard-scrambled and with lots of peppercookiescakeand sometimes mini corn dogs

I'm serious. He has a "feeding disorder" in which his gag reflex is almost at the tip of his tongue, has been diagnosed with ADHD, depression, anxiety and now, Aspberger's (mild autism). He's smaller than my 8-year-old daughter (who is in the 98th percentile for height and weight, but nonetheless ...)--he doesn't even weigh 60 lbs. He takes Ritalin, an anti-psychotic, a mood stabilizer, an asthma pill and a sleeping pill.

He used to go to feeding therapy for 2 30-minute sessions a week, but he refused to do the "homework" and try new things. And his mother, who he lives with, never pushed him. His dad (my fiance) doesn't push either because he wants R to "feel comfortable" in our house. R has literally thrown up on his dinner plate if we try to force him to eat something he doesn't like.

This is a kid who would starve himself to death. One weekend, when I was being particularly aggressive about making him try new things (as in have one tiny bite of broccoli, or fruit) he stopped eating and drinking for four days. He is pale, thin, has dark circles under his eyes and bruises easily. To me, he is clearly malnourished, and likely toxic because all of the non-food he eats. However, it's been made clear to me that this is none of my business.

As you can imagine, the situation puts quite a strain on my relationship, and to be honest, is one of the only things that makes me think twice about marrying Steve.

Sad, huh.

[Heather @ Mama Sass]

How about a picky 31 year old? My toddler is more adventurous than my husband. He would live on tacos, mac & cheese and frozen pizzas if he could. My son, meanwhile, eats anything...tofu, broccoli, avocado.Fingers crossed daddy's 'sensitive' palate doesn't wear off on the kid.