A startlingly accurate account of what's going on in my head right now
May 2, 2011
Brain: Did you know? Depressed people have shorter life spans.
Me: Oh, for the love of--cite your studies!
Brain: Oh, but there have been so many. Depression increases the risk of heart disease, cancer, strokes… isn't this a tremendous bummer? Let's think about your tragically abbreviated life for a while. Aw. You need another tissue?
Me: You are being such a prick right now, it's not even funny.
Brain: You know what else isn't funny? Congestive heart failure. Sad face. Guess you won't see your grandkids.
Me: You realize that you are me, right? You're just messing with yourself.
Brain: I just think you should think about how you're being a terrible parent NOW, while you're still alive.
Me: Wait, what? What does that have to do with--
Brain: Your terrible parenting which will be the only legacy you leave in your short, sad life. Oh, wait, I forgot--you co-wrote a fake parenting book. Yeah, I'm sure that'll be one for the ages.
Me: But…but Kirkus Reviews liked it.
Brain: Sure. Kirkus liked it, which means it'll never end up in the remainder bin. Nope. You're like Virgil or whomever.
Me: Oh, that's it. You know what? BOXER ON A TRAMPOLINE, THAT'S WHAT. Blammo!
Brain: OH MY GOD THAT DOG IS ADORABLE--I mean, ahem, that dog is probably dead now?
Me: Nope. Not working. That dog cheered me up, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Brain: The dangers of trampolines? The effects of trampolines on depression? Uh?
Me: Can't hear you over all the joyous barking.
Brain: I bet that dog's dead. I'm going to go find out.
Me: Meantime, I'm just going to go ahead and get a load of a disapproving rabbit.
Brain: DAMN YOU.
Me: Just enjoy the rabbit, why don't you?
Brain: Cinnamon does love his carrot top.
Me: There you go.
Brain: You've won this round, Bradley. You've won this round. But as soon as we're done with this, I'm going to find some studies about…something. See if I don't.
Me: Shhh, now.
Reader Comments (33)
My mom suffered from manic depression all her adulthood. She always told me, she feels much better then what doctors tell her she should. Keep fighting, one bunny at a time.
I misread, and wondered why Brian was being so mean to you.
Wow, that's exactly how my brain works too. And I LOVE disapproving bunnies! And now I'm trying to explain why I love them to my husband, who is not happy with me because I'm not working, when I should be working, and he knows I have a problem with distractions . . .
Anyway, glad to hear you won this round. :)
Some more happy-ammo for you:
Sparky the Corgi Kibble-Dancing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yD3yVwC0fjg
Corgi Flop (with super slo-mo action): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glii-kazad8&feature=related
Golden Retriever puppies pile on: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAchiUjdBJw
Star Wars according to a 3 year old girl: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBM854BTGL0
I know exactly what you mean. Seriously. My brain works the same way. Scary, huh?! Anyway. You are not alone. I am not alone. We are not alone. Let's beat this thing, shall we?!
Would a "thank you for always making me laugh" from a complete stranger help? How about a make-believe hug (I took a shower today).
I get this more than I can even begin to tell you. Especially after the crazy head week I just had. I believe I won. Too early to be sure, but in the moment it looks promising.
I hope you win soon.
Are you sure you did not record this inside my head? No?
Oh, wait. I never think of tricking my brain with adorable bunnies. I should try that.
Isn't this the absolute truth.
Everyday, you've got to show who's Charles in Charge.
People just don't know how LUCKY they are when all they have to do is just live, while me?
I have to live and do it with depression.
Think it's easy? You try it, peeps.
I also misread and thought that you were having a conversation with a raging dickhead named Brian. I was appalled but alas it was you and you BRAIN. I also battle depression and anxiety, so I am familiar with your brains conversations
Cinnamon!! Super cute. No need to do anything else the rest of the day!!!
Ellie - me too! I kept thinking WTF is wrong with this Brian guy. Leave her alone, gawd. Then I reread. You're winning. Keep at it.
I love bunny's glassy-eyed stare. Better be careful not to take any sleeping aids cuz this bunny looks capable of eating your face off while you sleep. Don't pull an Isabelle Dinoire First Human Face Transplant. (BTW my husband wrote "Face Off" - no joke)
challenging conversation!!!
ah ah!!
what did the bunny say?!!
Alice,
I am in grad school for clinical psych and I have depression, too! It is so fun to read about all the things that are wrong with me in the DSM IV! Anyway, keep up the good fight. I just read that the depression/cancer link is negligible. There is perhaps more of a correlation with cancer & women who repress their emotions. So keep them flying!!!!
Alice,
Chin up. I've been there. One day at a time ok and be kind to yourself.
Please refer to Honey Badger and those damned otters holding hands if you need to show Brain another thing or two - sock-it-to'em! Don't take any more crap Ms. Finslippy. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies.
I loved reading this post. I will sure to be back :) I actually DO have such convos with my brain.Its nice to know that I'm not the only one :)
Apparently you're the #2 mommy blogger in the universe.
I knew you were good but this is great!
OMG bunny!
Stick it to your brain. Of course, my brain's issue is focus, so now I'm losing my battle. Must ... go ... find more pointless YouTube videos.
Would it be awkward to tell you that I love you?
Your brain may hate you but it also makes you super funny and you have really shed some lightness on my not-so-light days.
Thanks for giving something about motherhood to compulsively read that isn't fueling my crazy fires.
2 vids
1) cookie the penguin &
2) Simon's Cat cartoons
don't let the bastards get you down!
Any 1:52 video of a cute animal that completely captivates your brain is magic. Best part is 1:19-1:20, so funny. What's Cinnamon thinking there?
Alice is ahead of "Julie," who according to the list writes something called "A Little Bit Pregnant." I'm guessing it's actually written by Brian.
Thank you for the video of the bunny. It's nice that you can provide public services even if you're feeling lousy.
I hope you feel better soon. I'm writing to thank you for being inspirational to your readers. A post you wrote some time back about getting fit as an adult really resonated with me - in fact, I read it more than once and you inspired me to start exercising again. Just one week later, I feel so much better about my body and my health, I'm starting to feel strong again and also that I might be able to beat the depression that is always there in the background. Thank you for inspiring others to look after themselves and please take good care of yourself.