Better, faster, stronger. And so forth.

When I was six years old, my grandfather died of the hiccups. Actually it was an aortic aneurysm, and the hiccups were either caused by the aneurysm or caused it to burst—I’m not sure. All I remember is, I was six, and my grandpa had just died, and I was not supposed to hiccup around my father.

When I was 10 or so, I had a conversation with my dad in which he casually mentioned that he would almost certainly not live past 70, because his dad didn’t and most of the men in his family seemed to succumb to something or other at around that age. The women of his line all lived until 100, even while their spines crumbled and their brains turned to custard, but the men (who were probably like my dad—amiable, didn’t want to be a bother to anyone) up and died at relatively early ages. At the time of this conversation, I was none too pleased at this news, but at the same time I thought, well, 70 is exceedingly old, after all, and by then it will be The Future, and we’ll all be living on the moon. And then I wandered off to play with my Atari 2600 or whatever the hell I was doing at 10.

Flash forward to the wonders of the 21st century: my dad is rounding the corner to 70, and while he’s known about his aneurysm for a while, apparently it has become too big and impressive to ignore. Luckily for us, surgeons now have sophisticated techniques to remedy such problems. (When my grandfather succumbed, way back in the seventies, all they could do was apply a poultice, shake a rain stick at him, and hope for the best.) Surgery is scheduled for a few weeks from now. There will be some sort of graft, and I’m pretty sure there will be lasers! Okay, maybe not, but I can hope! At any rate, at the end my dad will have a Super Bionic Heart, and everything will be okay! Better than okay! Yes!

Because technology is on our side. Do you hear that, old man? As for this whole not-living-past-70 thing, well, I hope you’re over that, because the Future is Here and your grandson is 2 and a half and if he doesn’t get to remember you just like I can’t remember my grandfather, I WILL BE SO MAD AT YOU.

Comments

[Marivic]

Now that's some tough love! Hope all goes well.

[Lisa C.]

Best of luck to your Dad!

[JJ]

For what it's worth my father in law had an aortic aneurysm repaired in late 2000. In a rinky dink small town hospital too. He's doing fine.

[Sam]

Your dad is in my prayers, my FIL also had an aaa repaired last year, all went well, he just went a little loopy from the anesthesia. nothing like seeing your FIL tear off his hospital gown in front of you. Off to tear out my retinas again...

[Chookooloonks]

Sending the best of healthy thoughts to your dad.

[samantha]

Best healing thoughts to your dad - you manage to be funny even when you're worried.

[FabGirlie]

Here's hoping Dad lives AT LEAST another five whole years, just to SHOW him up. Hmmph. My mom is convinced that she is going to die BEFORE HER PRIME and I just want to shake her and scream, "Shut up, woman! You exercise 47 times more and eat waaaay more toxicey-yet-filled-with-anti-oxidant-goodness-gross-out-salmon than I ever will.!"Take care and here's hoping all is well with your dad.

[Stacy]

That's the spirit! Threaten them so they'll be afraid to keel over!

[lis]

I'm rooting for your dad so that everything goes okay AND he gets to be loopy from the anesthesia, so that he can come out of the medicine room laughing.

[schmutzie]

My grandfather had an aortal aneurysm, and they sewed a Dacron patch on it to fix him. Dacron! I remember ads in the 1970s revealing the new belted ladies' dresses made of that stuff. Do you think it still comes in such fabulous colours as orange-red and lime green paisley?

[jessica]

When I was a little girl, my dad announced that he didn't think he would live to be very old. He didn't offer any sort of reasoning (ie - health issues that had previously plagued relatives) nor did he define what age "old" was. I remember the conversation scaring me...I thought I could lose him at any time.

I don't know about you but I'm a daddy's girl.

Good luck with your father's surgery.

[Antonia]

He's going to live another twenty years, which means you're still going to be hanging on at 120. I wonder what that'll be like.

[BugsMom]

Here's hoping he comes through in tip top shape. I know I wouldn't want to be on the "MAD AT" list.

[Amy]

Thinking of you and sending care your way. Keep venting to us if it helps--I offer up my virtual shoulder for leaning, even from this far away. Thanks for your posts--one of my favorite daily jolts of sarcasm and wit. Sooooo much better than morning shows and nutrigrain bars! Go, hover and be worrisome so he'll have something to gripe about...

[Bridg Jones]

Sending lots of health/love thoughts your Dad's way. Agree with the others, threats are definitely the way to go.

Plus living wills, no sense being silly....

Hang in there, you!Bridg

[Mrs. Kennedy]

AAAAAHHH! YOU POSTED AGAIN!!!

[Mrs. Kennedy]

Seriously, though, my dad has a bionic heart, too, and I think he'd going to live to be 1,000. Just keep your father away from Noggin and he'll be back on his feet in no time.

[Mari]

Good luck to you and yours. This post hit home in soooo many ways. I always thought my grandma died of a broken leg (actually, pulmonary embolism, but I was a KID). My dad is 74, and only now does that seem young to me. I am sending good thoughts his way.

[anne]

as usual, a perfect balance between lighthearted fun and heart-tugging honesty. you, with the hearts. good luck to your father.

[carol]

my father died of a brain aneurysm 2.5 years ago. i was 7 weeks pregnant at the time. i am glad that they know of your father's and are working to fix it. good luck to you and your family.

[grannyp_es]

Comment from over the pond grandmother. Yes! Keep him alive - work on him. I didn't have any grandparents except, briefly, one so old she didn't seem real. Now I am one I know what I missed. (And what my mother missed of being one; she died too young too.)

[Victoria]

My mom got her bionic heart (AICD) in 1998, and she's now nagging me to have the first grandkid, not for her genes' sake but so that she has someone to do her early education routine on, so I'm wishing you excellent doctors and faithful patient compliance to any medicines or therapies they prescribe, because with a little luck, it can work out.

[Spurious Plum]

Everything will be great. We'll all think good thoughts for you and your Pop!

[landismom]

Good luck to your dad. Great post. The thing about medicine is, it can only save us if we use it.

[Fahrvergnugen]

Best wishes to you and your dad. I'm sure he's got plenty of years of grandpa-ing ahead of him.