Here she goes again with the letters

Dear Four,

You’re a month away, and you’re already kicking my ass. How is it that you’re kicking my ass from the future? I miss Three. I never thought I’d say that. Please advise.

Love,

Me

Dear you,

Just as I have successfully beaten you down, so have I kicked Three right to the curb. And yeah, I’m here early. So? Why should I explain myself? Poop to that, I say. Poop. Poop in your butt. (Good one, me!)

We all know who’s causing the problem, here. We would be getting along just fine, me from the future and you from the now, if you would only comply with my demands. If you were to provide me (for breakfast) with a twelve-pack of cinnamon Trident (slightly aged so that the cinnamon is not too cinnamon-y) and an ice-cream sandwich and a Playmobil catalog and let me watch violent cartoons while pointing to items in the catalog and shouting I WANT THAT, all while dripping ice cream on my clean pants, then we’d get along just like… pee… on a … foot. (Yes!)

Sure, I may be setting the bar fairly high, but it’s only because I know you can handle it. Just as I know you secretly love it when I fling my surprisingly dense body at your head and whup you with my light saber and then smash my lips into your eye socket. Soon you will be so smitten that you will forget that Three ever existed. You’ll be all, three? That wimpy jerk who liked to watch Miffy? Did Three ever ask you to marry him? No, Three couldn’t make the commitment. But I’m Four, baby. And I’m totally your man. Now get me that ice cream and gum, and make it snappy.

In summary, I’ll be here for a while, and I am going to poop on your head THAT DOES NOT STOP BEING FUNNY!

Yeah!

Four

Comments

[lindsay]

um four scares me...

[iheartnewyork]

Ha! Oh man. I could write a surprisingly similar letter to eight (which is still a week away, dammit!).

kirsten

[AEMom]

I have just joined the ranks of FOUR for the second time around and it is no more enjoyable this time. FOUR has far too much: To hell with all of you and your logic. Me and my insanity is all that matters! FIVE is more civilised, but has more lip.

[Sonja]

Ay! Scary four!

[Min]

Why do I keep deluding myself that every year will get easier? I guess because you gotta do what you gotta do to make it through the day, right? Sigh.

[Sonia (DDM)]

Six is right around the corner for us. Five? S'alright.

[Star Shine]

Wow! For a newcomer, Four already has a LOT of attitude. However, about one thing, Four was absolutely right...I'm sure of it...that you will grow to love Four quickly. Have a great year together!

[Lisa]

THIRTEEN, y'all! Fear Thirteen!

Thirteen kicks ass and takes names, but then forgets to write them down because WRITING STUFF DOWN IS FOR DORKS, Mom, GOD! ::slam::

Thirteen is four three times over. Plus one. And that one is sometimes an asshole.

[motherbumper]

Damn. I'm just tangling with One who wrote me the other day to tell me to get my butt in gear because it's going to be that kind of year. Who knew Numbers were such poets? Not I, said new mom.

[Angela]

Dang that's funny.

[Amanda]

Genius!

[nate]

Damn you, Alice. Now I have the Miffy song in my head."Mif-fy...sweet little bunny..."

(Just sharing the love...)

[Jessie]

Sounds like four is greatly enjoying the toilet humor. Which is pretty funny (for apparently some of my humor stopped at four).

[Mir]

I was just telling someone this morning that it's not the Terrible Twos but the F***ing Fours that one should fear. I must've been channelling you. ;)

[Stacie Penney]

I don't know. Having experienced Four once and Three twice, I'm voting for Three as the worst of the two.

[el-e-e]

This post is brilliant.

[melissaS]

Wow, it just keeps getting better and better.

I can't wait to see what 13 writes to you.

[Beth]

LOL I don't know the Miffy song and I'm pretty glad about that. Pooping on people's heads, though, that's always good for a laugh. ;^)

[sparklykatt]

Oh man, you kill me. We have five months to go until four. Yeah us....

Now if only we could master potty training.

[DORRIE]

Okay, thanks for making me burst into uncontrollable brays of laughter at work IN FRONT OF CLIENTS, four. You suck! POOP ON YOUR HEAD...you know, it doesn't stop being funny, you are right.

[genie]

So true...I am three months into four and it keeps wiggling its butt in my face and making farty sounds.

[Thirty-five]

"Poop" Huh-huh. Four said "Poop". Huh-huh-huh

[Missy]

Mwahahahaha! 16 wants a car and more effin' privacy (sheesh). Who cares who I'm with? 11?! Everyone else gets till midnight!

[meg]

Alice, this was so funny. We are about to hit five around here. Wheee!

[Seven]

Mommy! Four said Poop! and Four said Pee! and he shouldn't be saying those things! and I told him I'm telling you and he was going to time-out and that you wanted me to make sure he didn't use bad words and he should know better by now and he was in so much trouble and going to time-out and...