One of many getting-up-at-midnight-to-pee conversations

Henry (handing Minty Bear to Scott as he staggers to the toilet): Here, Mom. Ha. I called you Mom.

Scott: I'm your dad, in fact.

Henry: You're fat. Heh.

Scott: Uh, thanks?

Henry: I said you're fat.

Scott: Yes, I heard you.

Henry: No, you said you're fat.

Scott: What?

Me (because I can't not butt in): He thought you said "I'm fat" when you said "in fact."

Henry: Heh. You're not fat.

Scott: Well, you know, I do have a little meat on my bones.

Henry: Oh, everyone has meat on their bones.

Scott: Without meat we'd be just bones.

Henry: We'd be bones all wriggling around. We need meat to stick together.

Scott: That's right. Meat is scotch tape for people.

(New Wonderland post up today. This one is about stem cells. You will like it! At least, I think.)

Comments

[abi]

"Meat is Scotch Tape for people" belongs on a t-shirt.

[jules]

Henry gets more done staggering to the toilet than I do all morning!JulesHouse of Jules

[Ariel]

For reason conversations in the middle of the night with a small child delight me.

[Sassy]

Yes, I agree, that is a tshirt just waiting to happen. FUNNY...

[dianne]

From Wonderland: It's like they're unemployed, but multitalented.

With your implicit permission, I'm going to start referring myself as a stem cell when seeking employment. I actually did, in a cover letter last week, implore the HR person to think of me as "damp unformed clay" because I didn't possess her pesky qualifications. I thought it a good thing -- I'm moldable! -- but apparently she did not.

[HeyJoe]

“Meat is Scotch Tape for people.” Brilliant

Pretty Rambo gets deep during the lonely hours of darkness.

[Tiffany Anne]

ha-ha. this is fantastic.

[Twice Five Miles]

Now I can't wait for my little boy to get here, and start talking already so we can have conversations like this!

[Reverie]

So glad you're back :). I treasure middle-of-the-night conversations with my kids. Hmmm....I treasure sleep too--sometimes it's a toss up.

[lis]

I like how in the wonderland post you call stem cells unemployed but multi-talented. I think I'm going to change my name to Stem Cell. Thanks, Alice. Finally, my personal branding campaign revealed!

Wriggling bones. Sweet!

[Assertagirl]

I'm sure I would have laughed at this post even stone cold sober, but since I've had a pint and a glass of wine, it's THAT MUCH BETTER.

You're the shit, Alice.

[BOSSY]

Meat is scotch tape for people? Then what's a Rib Roast?

[Jodi]

I think the idea of collecting one's own stem cells...especially the flexible kind you describe is quite exciting, if it's true. It's also kinda gross.

I'm going to steal that line about how meat is tape!

[Bipolarlawyercook]

Oh, I am so, so, glad you're back.

[kate]

i had to re-read to see if it was henry or scott who said "meat is scotch tape for people". not sure what i thought when i saw that it was, in fact, scott.

[Manic Mommy]

We're a revolving bedroom door. Um, I mean the kids never sleep. :-)~

[Lori]

That was fantastic!

[Mallory]

I cant stop thinking of Meaty Bones for dogs now. Something to think about when I get up at midnight to pee!

[Crabmommy]

Oh Alice, this is priceless! I do so look forward to more bizarre convos of this ilk, as Crabtot grows older. Scotch tape for people -- that is so incredibly right on.

[youarekiddingme]

I just found your site and I LOVE IT. Can't wait to keep coming back.

[Karen]

I've got me a lot of tape. I just don't want to take the chance of falling apart.

[janny226]

Why is it that, when my DH or DS are speaking directly to me, I can barely make out the words... "Mumble, mumble, mumble" is what I hear. Yet when they speak to one another, and miscommunicate along the lines of "in fact" -"I'm fat," my ears instantly understand their misunderstanding? For the record, I can't not butt in either.

[cce]

Only a child, specifically one's own child, can call a person fat without getting themselves in some steep trouble. Okay, so Henry thought his father was admitting to something and he was gamely playing along but usually an admission of, "I'm fat" is meant to elicit a reassuring, "Oh, no you're perfect." But a child tells it like it is. Aren't we lucky to have those little truth tellers around?

[Sraddha]

Hehehe. That cracked me up. Kids are so funny.

[Kat]

That. Was. Awesome.