Luckily, he's not the target audience.

My parents took Henry for the weekend, bless their grandparently hearts. Today I got to hear my dad expressing his utter disdain for Noggin. You might have to know my father to be amused by the idea of him watching a channel for preschoolers. My dad is a certified smart guy, an MIT grad who reads probably 37 books a day (I exaggerate, but only a little), a man blessed with the intellect of, say, a Lewis Lapham, but without the liver-spotted cranium. The charm of a Walter Cronkite, but with a sliver less good-Lord-is-he-still-alive-ness. The hair of a Phil Donahue, only less so. So anyway. Here he is in our living room, fresh from a Noggin-packed morning with Henry.

Dad: I can’t watch it for more than five seconds without screaming.
Me: What were you watching, exactly?
Dad: [grimacing] Some kind of “big, bigger, biggest” puzzle. Involving a cow.
Me: You realize these puzzles aren’t meant for you?
Dad: And then there was a Spanish-speaking girl.
Me: That would be Dora.
Dad: And her nitwit monkey. He wore boots.
Me: That would be Boots.
Dad: [frowning] And Boots loses his lunchbox by throwing it off a bridge. He’s such a mindless dope that this monkey swings his box around and WAAAIOO there goes his lunchbox!
Me: You really took this personally.
Dad: And then Dora fishes it out with a reel, like that would work. Even if the fishhook could grab the lunchbox, like it wouldn’t tip over and its contents would not simply fall out into the water…
Me: Wow.
Dad: [Shaking his head and downing the rest of his scotch] I tried explaining this to Henry but I don't think he was listening.

Comments

[LOD]

OK, this is weird, because my father-in-law is also a curmudgeonly MIT grad who would sooner chew a ball of aluminum foil than suffer foolishness.

Either MIT has some sort of B.S. degree in the Grumpy Sciences, or Henry and Robert are cousins.

[anne]

my parents couldn't stand the cute kid stuff when i was growing up, but they will buy the barney, etc. now in great quantities for the boy. "it's educational!!!!" like their inability to survive illogic only lasted them for one generation and now they're immune, whereas i feel like chewing my own ears off.

fortunately he's outgrown the worst of it now. i can get behind the magic schoolbus without hesitation: try some of that out on your dad. henry might like it too! much less annoying and it's fun to hear kids talk about how pickles are made, for example.

[Miel]

That's very funny...your dad saying: There's this story for children and it is just not REALISTIC! I mean, the physical laws that are defied by stories for children! In "Green Eggs and Ham" a car drives up a tree branch. Holy Gosh what are we teaching them? No wonder no one understands science anymore (well, OK, a few people do but not that many).

But oh dear. I'm one of the grumps. I cannot handle any children's television, videos, etc. Then to entertain her, I make up my own annoying programs. (We even have puppets...) And I annoy myself. The stupid songs I make up get stuck in my head. But at least my home grown children's entertainment cannot be used later to sell anything to her. So unless she's permanently scarred by having her toy butterfly machine-gun her toy ape to death all is good.

[dr. dave]

Wow.

I actually kinda like most of what my kids watch. We TiVo mostly Disney Channel stuff (Wiggles, Stanley, etc) but Saturdays turn into a Noggin marathon. I found myself stuck watching "Miffy" the other day...

Can...Feel...Brain...Cells...Dying...!

I found it helpful to imagine that all the little bunnies and bears are telepathic, since nobody moves their mouths.

[KT]

Hehe! I actually like Miffy - it's calm and quiet and doesn't flash and jump at me like so many other children's tv shows. And my daughter seems to enjoy it. of course, she also watches Star Wars with my husband and I with the same amount of enthusiasm as she watches Miffy or Baby Einstien.

[Mir]

Miffy makes me want to kill myself, so I sympathize. Although the fact that your father is bothered by the physics involved in lunchbox rescue on Dora and not, say, the fact that she has a talking backpack that spews forth items then selected by Ye Olde Arrow Of Doom, cracks me up just a little.

[kelly]

Welll, thank Heavens for scotch. The mental equalizer.

That photo of Henry is perfect. Gawd, he's wonderful.

[KellyH]

Miiiiiiiiiffy. . . sweet little bunny. . . Miiiiiiiiiffy. . . smart little bunny. . . The government could have driven Noriega out of that house in about 30 seconds if they could have blasted the Miffy theme song.

My 2 year old daughter brought my husband an Amelia Bedelia book to read the other day. She's too young to really understand it, but he read it to her anyway. Halfway through I heard him say, "This is stupid!" I was like, "That's the point. She is stupid, and kids think that's funny." Men and their analytical minds.

[Harold]

John, my one year-old, LOVES Miffy. It comes on and his eyes are locked on the TV from the theme song to the end credits. And if my wife or I start to singe the theme song he gets this crazy grin.

Related: some friends of mine got John an alarm clock that looks EXACTLY like Miffy, but it plays some weird little tune and shouts some Asian language.

[karoni]

Hilarious! Sounds like what my husband used to sound like. Once we had our little one his whole outlook on those shows changed. He actually plays along now.

Give your dad more scotch and have him watch them more often. He'll come around. It worked for my hubby (just kidding).

[sac]

1. Your dad is a typical academic.

2. The Miffy theme song. It is viral. It runs with modified lyrics in my head almost constantly as such:

"Miiiffy, cute little bunny
Miiiffy, better have my money"

Over and over like that.

[random stranger]

Checked Miffy page at Noggin site. They can't, punctuate, dang, it! Nothing good can come of children's programming from people who can't even figure out how a comma works.

[Jake]

Your dad should quit his kvetching and thank his lucky stars that Henry's safely out of the Teletubbies Zone. That show will probably be responsible for a generation of voters keeping butt-stupid Dubya clones in office.

[Old Prospector]

He's damn right! Deese chill'rens' shows nowadays arr jus' ridikulous! Back'n my day, we had reel show's for da kids! Dey taugt dem lessons!! Der was dis won where dis little kid got los' in a for'est, and den he get eat'n by wolves! An' dat taugt us' won import-ant less'n, nev'a trus dem forests!

[alice]

Simmer down, there, "Old Prospector." Maybe it's time to just, you know, be yourself.

[Paul Buffa]

I'm sorry… It’s a problem I've had ever since I was eight. I have a need to be referred to as the "Old Prospector" and to talk in old hillbilly language. The doctor always called it "Oldey-Prosepectoreitosis," but I new he was just saying that I had Scabies... I guess it's back to my real name, Oldpro, Oldpro Spector.

[alice]

There, there. We're all here for you.

[G. McFuzz]

hehehe, he cracks me up Old Prospector does. But I'm weird.

[Terri]

My husband has the same reaction when I turn it to Noggin for our daughter. My response, "She's not crying, is she?"

[The Mighty Jimbo]

i'm guessing he's not a fan of jerry bruckheimer flisks.

[The Mighty Jimbo]

or flicks too. damn fingers.

[redclay]

your dad is pretty damn funny.

[Jeanne]

I wouldn't let my kids watch Mr. Rogers (this was 30 years ago)because I thought he was a pervert. Barney makes me run away screaming, as do the Teletubbies. But I always loved Sesame St., and I loved Miss Frances and the Magic Garden. I sort of like Thomas the Tank Engine. My granddaughter loves all of these.

[Deb]

HIIII I LOVE MIFFY IM 13 YEARS OLD! MIFFY ROX MY SOX! <3

[slamthatham]

why is does miffy always have more leaves than melanie, the african american bunny? i think it's a racist show ;)

[slamthathame]

^^ sorry about the extra 'is' in that post

[Vander Kams]

Why does Boris always have planks with him? My husband keeps expecting someone to run through the scene with a running chain saw and all hell to break loose.

We've made up alternative lyrics, such as "Miffy, the psychotic little bunny, Miffy, the strange little bunny, Miffy, the gluttonous little bunny, Miffy the cantankerous little bunny"-- it's a good vocabulary lesson for the kids!

[Suzi]

Ya know what's worse? A bunch of "stupid" adults wasting thier precious time on the internet talking about totally meaningless things, calling their children "stupid" when the correct term would be "ignorant", and getting blaming children's programming for the messed up world we live in...makes one go, "hmmmmm; are they YOUR children or societies?" Be bold choose how you want to raise them and do it and stop blaming everything and everyone else. No one made you buy a tv.