I cannot believe I am doing this.

I am just so tired of being attacked and having my words taken out of context and twisted around.

You want to call me a bad mother? Have a field day. You want to call me unfunny? Knock yourself out. But you’re writing scenarios about my son being raped and molested, and then you’re calling me disturbed? It boggles the mind.

Fine. You know what? It’s down. I can’t stand the sight of those words on this page anymore. So a few little limp-dicked nobodies won their little fight. I hope you’re all quite happy.

Comments

[Suzyn]

Don't do it. At the risk of sounding like a post-9/11 hack, if you do it, then they win. Don't read their e-mails, delete their posts, hell, e-mail them back and tell them to f*** off, but don't let them control you. If you let the freaks and the whackos define you or what you do, then, well, then it sucks and we've only got freaks and whackos on their freaky and whacko blog, or whatever the hell they do.

[rens]

I cannot BELIEVE people had issues with ANY of your posts let alone one that any person who HAS children, or has worked with children will tell you is a somewhat common and always entertaining experience!

I'm so sorry that you would have to face such utter bullshit.

[somisawhel]

I've been lurking on your site for a while now, and I'm coming out of hiding to say Fuck. All. Those. Nasty. Minded. People. As the mother of a 3 1/2 yr old boy, I've heard many awful things come out my son's mouth, some due to speech development, some due to my occasionally uncensored self. You're funny, you're a mom, you write about it. I nod my head in agreement while I laugh my ass off. Please don't let those assholes beat you.

[mainja]

wow, i seem to have missed something. but i have to agree, don't stop writing. you're wonderful. you have a gift. you're funny, you're smart, you're, well, i don't know, just all around wonderful. i would be sad to not be able to read what you write anymore.

as for the fuckers (sorry, but they deserve the whole word, not something with stars in it that implies the word) who are writing horrible stuff, find a way to ignore them, block their IP, block them however you can. I know that doesn't solve everything, but it's a start.

basically, we don't want to see you go, stay, please please stay.

[Carrie]

I'm sorry, but I had to come out of lurkdom for this. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. That post was one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. I didn't see the comments you are referring to, but anyone who got something *extra* out of it is the sick one, not you. To them I say, go fuck yourself.

I too am sorry you had to deal with such crap, but know that there are many, many of us that have got your back. I understand if you still need to take a break, but you'll be missed.

[Karen]

Huh? Wha--? What happened?

I'm not sure who pissed you off, but TRUST ME, they're not worth it. Allow me to be a bit selfish here and say that you CAN'T stop posting --your writing inspires me! Please reconsider.

And please consider the fact that the internet is full of weirdos. Every once in a while, one slips through. But if we, your loyal fans, promise to beat them up, will you come back?

Please??

[Elaine]

I don't know what happened either, but I've really enjoyed your posts. I'm sorry if someone is trying to take that away from you. Do what you feel is best for you, but we love your stuff and want to keep you. Just my two cents.

[Carole]

Ugh! Sigh! Harumph! Damn limp-dicked nobodies!

Please say it isn't so. Please don't let those insignificant, limited minds ruin it for the rest of us! Then, they really will have won. I just can't stand it when a few morons spoil something that the many enjoy.

So sad. Think about the greater good, Alice. There are many of us, some you know and lurkers like me that you don't...and you give us all the gift of laughter and the gift of yourself and your wisdom...and we are better for it...and we are lighter for it. Shine your light!

[Gina]

I too am "coming out" to say that there was absolutely nothing wrong with the post you are referring to. Isn't it always the juvenile, mindless jerks who ruin it for the rest of us?

Although I didn't see the comments regarding that particular entry, I understand if something they said in reference to your son was too much for you to read and have up on your website. He is your little guy, and I would probably have done the same thing, as painful as it might have been to censor your site.

[Pink Poppy]

Hello! I am here on behalf of the membership of The Poppy Club. We appreciate the fabulosity of your blog and congratulate you on your recent success in The Best of Blogs Award competition. We are hosting a party to celebrate you and your fellow finalists and would be honored if you would join us to walk the Red Carpet and greet your fans:

Friday, Saturday and Sunday--January 21-23
The Tall Poppy Diaries
http://tall-poppy-diaries.blogspot.com

Attire: Black Tie
Red Carpet Opens at 12:01 on Friday, January 21

We hope that you and your friends can join us. And again, please accept our congratulations and best wishes for a very successful and happy 2005.

[claudia]

No, no, no!

Delurking for this one, since I cannot allow you to shut down my favorite blog!! I laugh tears over your posts, and I quote them to my friends and they all love your stories.

I don't even know what happened -- but please, as your faithful readers all beg, don't stop writing. Don't let asses rule over us! (And who should I clobber on the head?)

Best greetings from Bucharest, Romania, where we'd miss you terribly.

[H.E.R.]

W-what?! But look at all positive comments on your last post! And look at all those who voted for you for most humorous blog! Please don't leave your fans! I just started coming to this site, which means the fun is only just beginning.

I want to bear me some chillins in 5+ years, and it is the honesty of people like you, Dooce, Fussy, etc... that keep me wanting to do that. Kids are crazy! Kids are weird! It doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong. Even I know that, and I'm just an undergrad nobody.

[vena]

joining the crowd of delurkers to say please alice, don't go! please!

[vena]

down, not done. you took the post down, you aren't leaving us, right?
i got a bit caught up there, but i'm hoping i've interpreted it right this time.

[Melle]

Bloody hell. I'm sitting here thinking, "She's gotta be joking..." and yet I know you're not. Unfuckingbelievable.

I quite agree with the chorus of "tell them to fuck off", but your sanity is more important than what we think. You do what you need to do.

That said, if you become so inclined as to post email addresses of these sick fuckers, we'd be more than happy to share *our* opinions with *them*. Grr.

[Molly]

NOooooooooooooooooooooo. I will miss your fabulous blog! I hope you change your mind. I love what you write.

[kelly]

If only there were less Pud-People on the planet.

I'm sorry Pud- People got up your ass. They could have at least given you a reach around.

We here at chez-kelly, adore your finslippiness...keep it coming. HA!

[Cari]

As a lurker and mother of a 13 year old boy with a current obsession with his boy-parts for an entirely different reason, I must say that I was laughing so hard at the post in question that I almost peed myself! This is life people! Why don't you try getting one instead of harassing a funny lady who writes about it to the delight of many?!?

[rose]

Stop this foolish talk, finslippy. I have only recently found you and, since I live in NJ with my own 2 walking comedy shows and their father, I need every chuckle I can find.

[Jane]

No, no, no! That post was golden and I used it to great effect to alarm my sister who is pregnant with her first boy. As my mother used to say, "You can't control what other people think about you." So just ignore 'em and concentrate on those of us who obsessively check your blog every day to see if you've added a new post.

[mainja]

i notice that the bit that says you won't be writing here for a while is gone. *phew* i hope that means what i think it means. 'cause i would have missed you terribly.

[Caspar]

Hang on, do you mean 'I've taken the offending post down' or 'I'm not doing this blog any more'?
Either way, don't. It reflects on them, not you.

Definitely don't take the blog down, I'm saving it for my best mate (wife due with first sprog in 20 days). Don't think he's quite ready for an unexpurgated account of the terrible twos, so I'm going to hold off for a year or so....

[Leslie]

delurking to say please don't let the morons get you down. As the mother of three I love your writing - you absolutely peg the hilarity that a toddler causes. From what I see I think you're a terrific mom and anyone who gets indignant about the reality of life with a small is living without a clue with only judgemental stupidity. Of course our whole country seems full of that today....

[Kirsty]

Please don't let the idiots and assholes grind you down, you are brave, honest and very, very funny. Your writing is brilliant and so true to life. We need more women who tell it like it is in relation to motherhood.

The posts about penises made me howl with laughter - as the mother of a son, it was definitely comedy of recognition.

[CK]

Also shamed out of lurker status to join the rest of the folks in begging you not to take the blog down - I have a 5 year son, two year old daughter, and if I didn't get daily reassurance that they are normal from people like you I'll turn into one of those moms whose kids are in therapy before they can talk. Ignore the wankers as best you can, and continue keeping the rest of us sane.

[Psycho Kitty]

I started reading your blog only last week, after noticing that, hey, this Finslippy chick is blogrolled EVERYWHERE, hmmm, that might mean something good--and it did. And it does. This is one of the most hilarious and enjoyable blogs out there, written by a woman who OBVIOUSLY is a good mother because *she has a sense of humor*! I guarantee that your kids, with a mom who doesn't think their bodies were made by Satan and who can actually laugh and vent through her wonderful writing (and help others do the same, btw), are gonna be a whole hell of a lot saner than the kids of whosoever it was that can't bear the thought that a kid could actually like his own body!

Can you track the IP address of the person who was harassing you? Because what you describe is harassment, plain and simple. You might be able to block their IP or complain to their ISP.

[frog]

People are idiots, I swear.

Do what you need to do, but know that there are bunches of us--who don't even have kids!--who love what you do here and appreciate the honesty and humor with which you do it.

[crankopotamus]

I love your blog. Rest assured, *any* web site that allows unmoderated comments from the general public will eventually feature some pretty sick stuff. It's the Law of A Million Morons. Please don't take it to heart. There's nothing to be ashamed of in moderating your comments. If that's censorship, then roach powder is murder.

[sue]

You know...folks who left those messages just don't have kids. When my son was 4 (and potty trained) he discovered the wonders of his you-know-what. He kept disappearing into the bathroom, to the point that I thought (paranoid mother that I am) that he had a bladder infection. No dice...my dad diplomatically pointed out that he was probably "playing with himself." It's a totally natural thing, and you wrote about it in a funny way...anyone who has kids "got" that. The other folks are just mindless idiots.

[flea]

Alice, I've gotten a couple of hatemail letters when I post things about Alex, and I know it hurts. I'm really sorry you're the punching bag of the moment. It's the cheapest criticism in the world, to attack a women by using her kids, because everybody knows it's going to sting, no matter how obviously unfounded.

Every parent in the world can relate to the post you deleted. Steve and I loved it. Don't change a thing about yourself. You're brilliant and fantastic, and so is Henry.

[Mir]

Alice, I wish you wouldn't let the morons get you down. I mean, I get it, I do, but it makes me sad when the cretins win. I heart you, and so do all the other LOGICAL people.

[katie]

i thought your post in questions was fabulous. i read it out loud to my fiance and said "this is what we have to look forward to." you are an amazing woman, an amazing writer, and if you leave i'm going to have a giant, empty hole in my bookmarks list that simply can not be filled by another.

[Annie]

Again with the people that you don't know that think you're wonderful, and do a wonderful job with this blog and with your son. Please don't stop.

[Lisa S (& Riley, Bella, & Adelyn)]

People are way too easily fucking offended these days. If they don't like your writing, they should LEAVE. Sick, sick, sick - scenarios about your son? Yuck.

I say put your post back up! Limp dicked assholes indeed!

[Amanda]

Yet another delurker! I have a 2 1/2 yr old boy and just laughed my ass off when I read your posts about your lovely son! I had tears running down my face from laughing so hard... why you ask, because I have a 2 1/2 yr old BOY!!! I can relate! I love to read it, you are one funny woman! I love your candor! Please don't let some prudish freaks ruin an absolutely wonderful Blog!

If they don't like it NO ONE is forcing them to read it!

[Nancy]

I can only imagine the level of vitrol and self-righteous abuse that has been blasted at you to get to this point. There are some real nutters in the world, aching to be offending, waiting with bated breathe to fire off insulting missives. I for one, am very sad to think no more finslippy. I'm a recent newbie to the whole blogging world, but am a voracious reader, wanna-be writer (despite my day job as an NYC attorney) and think you have one of the best voices out there -- I can't tell you how many times one of your turns of phrase has made me howl with laughter. The idea that someone who lambast you as a parent (of clearly one of the happiest, most self-confident little boys around) is sadly deficient in some way. Full disclosure, I went home late late last night after whiling away at a memorandum and told my husband I wanted to start a family -- honestly, in part I think, because I read your post right before I left and realized how much humor and love you can give and get from parenthood.

I dearly hope you don't stop the blog because of the tyranny of a minority crazy pool. They are out there, they will always be out there, but I'll really miss your perspective and keen wit.

[blueolive]

Dammit, another case of a few morons ruining it for the rest of us. Unfortunately, these endevours are public so I suppose you're going to get the negative (like how published authors get hate mail, maybe?), but you're also going to keep getting a whole bunch of readers like us who LOVE your posts. If anything, use their comments to your advantage - entertain us all!

[abigail]

for fuck's sake, what is WRONG with people? not you-people, them-people. i don't even know what actually happened, but i have to tell you that i read the post in question to my husband, and we laughed our asses off.

oh, please don't go.

[erinire]

i love you & your blog! i read all the archives and laugh my arse off!! you are the greatest. fo' real.

[elswhere]

I am *not* quite happy. I am disturbed, and pissed off. That was a brilliant post. I didn't read the comment either, but whoever made it doesn't know kids, or humor writing, from a hole in the wall. Or the head. I echo everyone else: please don't stop posting.

[Dianna]

I can understand where you are coming from. When people are acting badly, sometimes it is appropriate just to leave the area and let them go and make someone else's life hell. Will miss your posts.

[UnLurker]

Been lurking for awhile, please don't stop writing. Not only is it good for some of us to see we're going through the same things as you, but it's good for you to have somewhere to share these hilarious stories. Please don't stop writing.

[Jake]

WHEW! I'm glad I'm not the only blogger being attacked on all fronts by Those Who Enjoy Being Angry.

I took it personally for a while. I did my best to respond in reasonable, measured tones. I strove to achieve world harmony through chirpy blog posts and self-deprecating email conversations. But it just validated their irrational anger and fueled their combativeness.

So I shut off the ability to post anonymous comments and started deleting the comments I didn't like. It's my blog, damnit! You people go be angry on your own blogs! Go now! Shoo!

P.S. You? Not funny? I have permanent laugh lines around my eyes ("It's a song about FUCKING!") that say otherwise. And, as they say over and over ad nauseam on CSI, "The evidence doesn't lie."

[marie]

When my boy was about four, he used to like holding his hand down in pants in his asscrack because, as he explained it, "It makes me feel happy." If kids weren't so hilarious (inappropriately or otherwise), our species would die out from infanticide. Your delightful stories keep me laughing in the food-encrusted faces of adversity that I call my children.

[chrislovespugs]

Alice,

I agree with Jake... turn off the anonymous comments!

What horrible, nasty people. I never got to see the post but from the 'fall out' it must have been bad.

Your writing is witty, delightful, funny, and just damn brilliant! Ignore the fucksticks! We all love you, and I'm sure there are TONS that haven't made a comment that love you too! Keep fighting the good fight!

[trisha]

I heart you, too.

If I had gotten any sleep at all last night, well, I am sure i would write something more inspirational, or interesting, or longer.

[dish]

Probably delurking to post, even though I read your blog all the time. I thought the entry in question was so freaking hilarious that I laughted out loud. It amazes me that there are people in this world that can take a funny, innocent post and make it into something evil. I actually came back to it quite a few times in the last couple of days when I needed to put a smile on my face. Now the evil minority has fouled it up.

[susie]

Oh no! Please don't. My friend who has two under the age of five - one of them a two year old is depending on you. Her mom is slowly dying of cancer and her life is challenging right now. I had dinner with her the other night and she told me that sometimes when it's all just too much she touches base here and she laughs. Sometimes just thinking about what you've written makes her laugh and she's not laughing much these days.
Take down the comments. Don't accept e-mail. Just write to write because you're good at it and I'm sure you've always been good at it. Don't let the bastards get you down.
We would all miss you!

[wix]

ok, i missed something. i guess i should read through the comments more often. or not, in case they work me into a furious lather.

your supporters far outnumber your detractors. closing comments on an entry is always an option, keeping your email address off the page is always an option. i am going to make a huge assumption here and guess that not writing is not an option, because it seems to do a great deal of good for you. if you have to take it elsewhere, i for one completely understand.

[mojokittycat]

I can't believe people were attacking you for your posts about your son! The ones you took down were HYSTERICAL! And TRUE! And in no way offensive or bad. I was in tears laughing about the "held it like the baby Jesus" line. My son is 10 1/2 months and just discovered his little friend, and I was so identifying. Your stories are so witty, and real, and in no-way inappropriate. Please take the excellent advice in these comments and ignore the angry idiots (and delete the offensive tirades that those dickless bastards can't even sign).