finslippy: Note to my neighbors: What you heard through the pipes in your bathroom was not what you thought you heard.

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Note to my neighbors: What you heard through the pipes in your bathroom was not what you thought you heard.

During tonight’s pre-dinner hand-scrubbing, Henry was playing with two small plastic balls. The joy he felt at being allowed to bring these balls with him to the sink prompted the following series of enthusiastic declarations.

I’m going to wash my balls!
My balls are all wet now.
My balls are so slippery! Slippery with soap.
I will rinse my balls.
My balls are all nice and dry.
Now my balls are so clean.

Thank you and goodnight.

March 29, 2005 | Permalink

Comments

This should be printed and hung in locker rooms nation-wide as a directive. Illustrations may also be necessary.

Posted by: MonoCerdo | March 30, 2005 at 12:03 AM

Is it ok to laugh this loud so late at night? Yes--it's the suburbs! LOL Thanks for that one. Like when I catch myself humming the tune of "I'm a big kid look what I can do-I can wear big kid pants too." At work. In my cube. I like Henry's version SOOO much better! lolol

Posted by: Amy | March 30, 2005 at 12:32 AM

This gives a whole new meaning to that soap character on Blue's Clues, you know -- and I've always considered him suspect anyway.

Posted by: Erica | March 30, 2005 at 01:04 AM

what color are his balls?

Posted by: cohesash | March 30, 2005 at 04:22 AM

Oh, Henry!

Posted by: MelissaS | March 30, 2005 at 09:07 AM

After a burst of unexpected cleaning yesterday, some forgotten toys were unearthed - specifically, two of those "Pinky" high-bouncers. Yup, last night was all about a delirious 2 year-old tearing through the living room screaming, "Two pink balls!!! Two pink balls!!!"

It must be spring.

Posted by: mindy | March 30, 2005 at 09:16 AM

Hooray for freeballin' it! What I want to know is, did you have to explain your barely-suppressed laughter to Henry as he washed his balls?

Posted by: debl | March 30, 2005 at 09:59 AM

Hooray for freeballin' it! What I want to know is, did you have to explain your barely-suppressed laughter to Henry as he washed his balls?

Posted by: debl | March 30, 2005 at 09:59 AM

My dog chases balls. And chews on them.

Posted by: Mrs. Kennedy | March 30, 2005 at 10:25 AM

more or less funny if henry were a susan or a jane?

Posted by: honestyrain | March 30, 2005 at 10:35 AM

Ah, the joy of balls!

Posted by: Em | March 30, 2005 at 10:45 AM

Next time, you should have a tape recorder handy to record him as he sings about his balls. Like when my mom recorded me on the potty at 2 years old singing a song and grunting. And then you can play it for his future significant others. Much like my mom did.

Posted by: halloweenlover | March 30, 2005 at 11:06 AM

Nothing touches a mom's heart more than song about a boy and his balls.

Posted by: Lisa V | March 30, 2005 at 11:22 AM

Balls jokes will never get old, just like diarrhea jokes... hahah... diarrhea

Posted by: Paul | March 30, 2005 at 11:55 AM

Reminds me of that classic SNL skit with Alec Baldwin and his Schwetty Balls. Henry's are definitely not Schwetty.

Posted by: Cali | March 30, 2005 at 01:46 PM

I laughed so hard at this, I cried.
So funny!

Posted by: E | March 30, 2005 at 02:44 PM

now that is why I read your blog.... so so funny

Posted by: mojavi | March 30, 2005 at 05:45 PM

I had a ball reading this.

Posted by: Karen | March 30, 2005 at 06:26 PM

Cali: "Reminds me of that classic SNL skit with Alec Baldwin and his Schwetty Balls. Henry's are definitely not Schwetty."

It also reminds me of South Park and Chef's "Chocolate Salty Balls"

Posted by: MelissaS | March 30, 2005 at 06:29 PM

the boy has a future in the entertainment industry, no doubt about it! (you've got this down in the baby book already, right?) hugs to henry!

Posted by: chris | March 30, 2005 at 07:14 PM

Ya gotta love a kid who's proud of his clean balls.

Posted by: Karen | March 30, 2005 at 07:15 PM

Feh. I wash my balls, too, and you don't see anyone making a fuss over me.

Posted by: LOD | March 30, 2005 at 07:42 PM

Yeah, LOD, but are you a princess?

Posted by: Mrs. Kennedy | March 30, 2005 at 09:02 PM

Is it wrong that I sort of love Henry's balls? In a friendship way, you understand. But I do.

Posted by: Mir | March 30, 2005 at 09:55 PM

How funny! This reminds me of the time when my husband, after much nagging, broke out the bicycle pump to reinflate our son's two (flat) basketballs. When our son woke up from his nao and found the newly-inflated balls, he became exuberant and ran to me shouting, "Mom! Dad made my balls bigger!" Ah, the joy of little boys who know not of what they speak.

Posted by: Alisha | March 31, 2005 at 01:53 AM

Note to self: do not read Finslippy while holding a coffee cup.

Posted by: udge | March 31, 2005 at 03:25 AM

When my son was 8 or so, my dad and I took him to Six Flags for the day. It turns out, he was too short to ride some of the major roller coasters (he bawled as we walked away from Batman) and my dad felt sorry for him so when the opportunity came to ride the Ninja, my dad spoiled him with six rides in a row (there were no line because the coaster is so darn painful). They were finishing up the fifth round and their car was slowly rolling in - I was standing on the ground looking up at them and asked, "Are you guys actually going again?" My dad - ever the humorist replied, "Yep. But this time we're riding naked", to which my son loudly added, "YEAH! We're gonna let our balls flop in the wind!!"

Posted by: Jessica | March 31, 2005 at 09:22 AM

And because my brain is also 8 years old, I was laughing hysterically.

Posted by: chasmyn | March 31, 2005 at 08:25 PM

I have no idea how you have time to read all these comments, so I'll be surprised if you get to this one, but here goes.

My husband has a computer mouse with the roller ball thingy-ma-jig. Everyday my son, anywhere from 10 months to 15 months at the time, would get the ball off this desk and play with it. Each day my husband would come in from work and look for it so he could play on the computer. One day it was sticky where my sweet son had licked it after eating something...sucker, candy, dogfood, who knows?....

My husband turns to my son (my mother is in the room now, you just have to picture this) and says,

"son, have you been licking my ball?"

My mother had to get up and leave! We could hear her laughing in the other room. She is a very religious, churchy-churchy kind of lady so it was funny to us just to see her lose her cool!

Ok, that was my ball story!

Posted by: Jerri Ann | April 01, 2005 at 12:55 AM

My ball story: When I was a young child, my mother called a toy store and asked the salesman, "Do you have hippity-hop balls?" My aunt and grandmother were in the room listening, and they immediately cracked up. Poor Mom wasn't able to get off the phone quickly enough!

Posted by: Bonnie | April 01, 2005 at 07:02 AM

Thanks for that.

Posted by: Kelly AKA Fat Housewife | April 01, 2005 at 10:25 AM

I went into the fine establishment known as the Rag Shop, looked the manager in the eye and asked him if he had styrofoam balls.

He had to wait until I stopped convulsing in fits of laughter on the floor before he answered me.

Posted by: Ginny | April 01, 2005 at 01:21 PM

OMG, I thought only my urchins, Seek and Destroy, were capable of such hilarity. Thanks for making me laugh uproariously! I haven't fallen out of my chair like that in a long time--snorting all the way to the floor.

It's okay. I'm alright. Really, I am. It was worth wrenching my back.

I'll send you the bill.

Posted by: Planet Mom | April 01, 2005 at 01:38 PM

My son was sitting in the bathtub exploring himself and suddenly looked up, joyful. "Daddy, the Magic School Bus is in there!" Pause. "There's two of them!"

Posted by: Sisco | April 03, 2005 at 01:51 PM

Jake: [holding up two tennis balls] What about these balls? Do they have sperms in them too?

Posted by: Very Mom | April 04, 2005 at 12:58 PM

Ok, since everyone has a story, I might as well share mine too. When my niece was around six years old, I asked her what she wanted for Christmas. Promptly, she stated, "A woody." Minutes ticked by as my mouth stood agape but a mix of thoughts ran through my head ranging from, "Yeah, I'd like to have one of my own, but beggars can't be choosers! and "Where'd you learn that word?"" All I could squeak out was, "A woody?" to which she replied, "Yes, a Woody. A Woody doll from Toy Story."

Posted by: Kerry | April 04, 2005 at 07:03 PM

My sister-in-law told me the other day about hearing her two twin boys, age six, splashing in the bathtub. "I'll let you lick mine, if I can lick yours," she heard one say. "I don't want to lick yours," the other protested. "Come on, let me lick it, I said I'd let you lick mine," the first one insisted. Judy, in horror, pushed open the door to bathroom -- where the boys were happily eating lollipops.

Posted by: SBB | April 05, 2005 at 09:13 AM

Yeah Kerry, I was at the McDonald's drive through when they had Toy Story toys in the Happy Meals. When I got up to the window I asked, do you have a Buzz because I already have a Woody.

The instant it was out of my mouth I realized what I had said. So did the teenager at the window. I just about died!

Posted by: Amy | April 06, 2005 at 04:57 PM

You people are killing me. Stop it. Stop it right now.

Okay, no, keep going. I love it.

I don't have a ball or a woody story. But I do have this:

I was in a production (high school but humor me and pretend it was off Broadway, okay?) of Stout-Hearted Men, playing the man hating school board member Miss Hatchett. On our first read-through, I was addressing the sweet Melody Trueheart about men and how evil they are.

My line was "Eschew the company of men for they are the minions of Satan."

Yeah, I read it as minions of Satin. After much laughter, our director, Miss L said "It's Satan, Dana, but they do like Satin as well."

Posted by: DM | April 07, 2005 at 07:44 PM

be warned: if he takes them to the barbershop, he might get hair on his balls.

Posted by: seannarae | April 12, 2005 at 06:04 PM

At least once a day, out of the blue, I say "my balls are so clean" in what I imagine to be a Henry voice. Can't get it out of my head.

Posted by: udge | April 15, 2005 at 02:52 PM

I have to add my ball story:

My 3-year old announced to me that she LOVES to eat balls. Then she tells my husband, "I love crunchy balls, dad. I love them!" and then goes on with, "Mmmmmm...I sure do love balls!"

She was eating popcorn, and the "balls" were the kernals.

Posted by: stewbie2 | April 20, 2005 at 04:29 PM

This reminds me of the time my sister and I made a dinner of balls. Melon balls, olives, meatballs, round potatoes, beets...anything that rolled. We watched our husbands for a reaction and....they didn't notice! But we laughed our asses off. Do they know what they are eating?

Posted by: carol francisco | May 06, 2005 at 01:14 AM

The team leader at my church was given a big movie theater cut out from the last Toy Story and he brought it in on a Sunday and placed it on the stage. When he got up to speak he looked at the cut out, crossed his arms, smiled and said 'I've always wanted to preach with a Buzz and a Woody'.
There was a moment of silence then those of us with potty minds lost it. We have yet to let him live it down!!

Posted by: just a girl | June 07, 2005 at 06:38 AM

I laughed my contact lens right off of my eyeball. Damn you.

I'm so tempted to write a guitar accompaniment to the lyrics.

must resist.

Posted by: Belinda | July 06, 2005 at 09:32 AM

Hello, My name is T. . .and I'm computer illiterate (among other illiteracies I possess). Let me just say a couple of things quickly (while the 3 year-old eats his breakfast popsicle in front if the inane Nick Jr.): I stumbled onto this blog quite accidentally when I was googling "house centipede" and all I can say is: I feel as if I'm having a born-again experience reading each & every post. And the COMMENTS! I feel my very life becoming even more out of hand because now that I've found you I KNOW I'll spend hours PORING over current AND past posts, meanwhile forsaking any sort of normalcy around here. Note the JOY with which I type this -- hence, the born-again reference.

But this -- the balls thing -- anything I could add to this beautiful post would merely be redundant, except maybe for this: try adding twin 15 year-old boys & a 10 year-old boy into the mix when the 3 year-old talks about "big balls" "wet balls" "my balls" "ugly balls" "colorful balls" "dirty balls" and it's a wonder a normal conversation ever gets finished in this house. Thank you ALL so much for all of this -- I am at peace now.

Tell me you have a book coming out soon?!

Posted by: Therese Anderson | September 19, 2005 at 11:30 AM