Yogurt-dipped mornings, alcohol-soaked evenings

Here are two excerpts from emails I sent to Scott. In the first one, I reveal my true dorkiness:

“Today, as in the next few days to come, Melissa and I had the incredible hotel breakfast of meats and cheeses and pastries and cereals and eggs and other meats and yoghurts (with an h!). I enjoyed a small yoghurt beverage, just to see how the natives liquefy their yogurt. I thought it was unflavored, but then I tasted it and realized it was a berry-flavored delight; after inspection I saw a tiny image of a strawberry on the label. Melissa and I discussed how if this were American packaging there would be an enormous anthropomorphized strawberry wearing shades and skateboarding across the label, and it would be called EXTREME STRAWBERRY BLAST, and this was so funny to me at that moment that yoghurt drink almost came out of my nose.

Look how much has happened, and it’s still breakfast.”

And then I try to redeem myself with more adult-style beverage choices:

“Well, here's the email you knew would show up eventually: the one where I'm completely drunk. Hi, sweetheart! Baby had some drinks! We went out with a reader of our blogs, a gorgeous Swede named Monica, who took us to a tiny bar crammed with locals and proceeded to charm the pants right off of all of us. And I really liked those pants. We enjoyed much jenever (pronounced ye-NAV-er--these Dutch say everything all funny), which is sweet and many-flavored (I had applecake, blackberry, prune, and maybe more but everything gets fuzzy after that), and because it’s so sweet you really have to have it with beer. So I had many of them! With beer! And then on to another pub, where I had more beer. The jenever is actually not particularly strong, but the thing is, it fools you into thinking, hmm, it's like cider! Or a lovely medicine of some sort! And then you can't stand upright.”

Not surprisingly, I ended that last email with “I love you so much I'm crying.” This is why I don’t drink more. Melissa.

Comments

[Meg]

Ah, I love drunk emails, especially closing lines. They are the most fun EVER.

[Em]

Drunken emails are SO MUCH better than drunk driving because there is EVIDENCE. Hahahaha.

[Em]

Shit. I meant to say DRUNK DIALING. Not driving. God. Am I drunk??

[Mom101]

Prune? Prune?

[jes]

If only I could have stowed away in your bags. Applecake. It's almost like "Hi, Babycakes!", except it's not.

[alice]

Yes! It was actually the best one, too. But then, I'm a 90-year-old .

[Nadarine]

I'm incredibly impressed that your drunk emails are written in a language resembling Proper English: mine inevitably end up being written in Bad-Spelling Grammar-Lacking Fake Language.

[alice]

Oh, god, that was edited.

[kate]

can i request the un-edited version? :P i, too, was going to commend you on your typing skills haha.

[jennster]

can't WAIT to see pics!

[kristin]

that was hysterical. and you're so right about the giant strawberry, etc. i'm glad you're back. i've missed you with a longing that should have you slightly worried.

[Susan]

I am a little sad that you all did not enjoy the Dutch tradition of the Kick in the Head, which (according to my husband, who partook of many many of these on his trip to Amsterdam) consists of Dutch gin and beer. And apparently it is called a 'kick in the head' because that's what it feels like the next morning!

Aren't you sorry you missed that?

[sweetney]

...and suddenly i'm craving something berryliscious!

well, that and the booze.

[Andie D.]

Oh god funny!!!

[ozma]

It's so true. We can't just eat the yogurt, we must be taught a deep attachment to its packaging.

You're probably funny even when you cry.

[Belinda]

I bet the unedited version of the drunken email had emoticons.

[Sammy]

Squee I love jenever...miss the time when I lived in Amsterdam as well. Blogs are great for living vicariously!!

[angela marie]

That was awesome. I love drunk posting. Of course, once I sober up, I generally pull the post back to draft status. Out of embarassment. ;)

[Sarcomical]

well all i've got to say is your drunk post is still more witty and entertaining than many written by sober persons. ;)

sounds like a great time, though. glad you guys are there, because you're two of the most qualified writers to capture the moments. ha!

[Jessie]

I'm with the above commenter - prune flavored whatever-it-was-you-were-drinking? Although, plied with enough other alcohol, I'd probably try it too.

[MelissaS]

Let it be stated I never encouraged you to drink after that. I just drank alone or tried to.

I realized my folly in shaming you into letting the sweet nectar of alcohol into your blood stream.

I personally like sending emails like that though.

[DM]

Ha! I was wondering about the drunk emailing as well, my drunken posting was filled with errors and most embarrassing news on how I told the guy I have liked for over a year how I felt about him (an example is "You're like Batman. Adam West Batman (although much more slurred)." Now, in my defense, I think Adam West is hot but still, still shaking my head over this one a month or so later).

At least you didn't compare Scott to Batman. All is good.

[Tits McGee]

incredible hotel breakfast of meats and cheeses and pastries and cereals and eggs and other meats and yoghurts

Okay, that totally just made my mouth water. Meats AND other meats?!

*drool*

[Candice]

Drunk emailing? YAY!

[christy]

Were any of the foods on sticks? Please say they were so I can realize my fantasy of Amsterdam being like a big, year-round fair.

[mika]

MMmmmmm, the appletaart drink at Wijnand Fockink. I love that little bar (I always call it "wine and fucking" because I am twelve, but really it is just an old dutch name).

[Lisa]

Wishing it was me. Sounds like an awesome time. I am surprised you could type anything after those drinks. I would be face down passed out in my drool.

[honestyrain]

drunk, in another country, with husband watching child? i could handle me a piece of that action.

ah, who'm i kidding. i'd be crying to go home and hug my babies before the damned plane left the tarmac. danged kids anyway and how much we loves 'em.

you have fun for all us moms, will ya? now go get drunk some more. and just for me, flash yer boobs at some strangers. because i would so do that if i were there.

[suse]

I am so enjoying the formality of the word beverage. In Australia we just say 'drink' which is so much more ... pedestrian.

PS. Your yoghurts don't have h in them? Bizarre.

[wordgirl]

Drinking makes me nostalgic and weepy about almost everything. No telling WHAT I would have written had I been in your shoes--or even those pants you liked so much. Wearing them, I mean.

[ireann]

I had a dream that I flew to NYC, where I have never been, just to hang out with you and Henry. I drove over the Brooklyn Bridge and we went to a party store, and you got decorations for a party you were throwing for blogging hipsters. I was not invited. I thought "while I'm here, I'll just drop in and see Mrs. Kennedy," who for some reason I dreamed lived in New York. You were adorable and Henry was adorable and I thought to myself "Alice is my friend."

And then I woke up and was all like...what the hell did I drink last night? Why am I dreaming about bloggers?

Feel stalked. And loved. :)

[Jerri Ann]

It sounds like you have more fun than should be allowed! I would love love lurv to have been you!

[Abby]

I'm with the Prune? Prune? person above.

I'm pretty sure I need to stay away from any food, other than prunes, that involves prunes. The next day would be very bad.

[stacy]

girlfriend, don't you know better than to e-mail while drinking?? it should be a federal offense!

[Deb]

OK, I am forced to read your archives out of withdrawals.
Actually, I am having a lot of fun reading your archives, but it leaves me with a wierd stalker like feeling of "i love me some alice".
sounds like so much fun and i want to be friends with you and melissa and all the other cool blogger mama's. it is bringing up my highschool self who wanted to be friends with the cool girls. you are part of the Cool Girls of the Internet.

[monica]

i'm glad you enjoyed the genever miss! it was lovely to meet you guys :) i hope you found a super-amazing toy for the little man.