4.2

Now that I am two months into Four, I am learning all sorts of things about this fascinating creature.

Whereas Two and Three can be easily distracted from any complaint or demand, Four lets go of nothing. Four forgets nothing. Four wants to sit with me at the end of the day and review my parental failures. “You shouldn’t have given me a banana with my lunch last week,” Four wants me to know. “And you promised not to take off Band-Aid even when it was hanging off but then you pretended your hand slipped and it just came off by itself. That was not true.” Then he gives me a thumbs down.

Four is onto me. And you. Don’t you give him that look.

Four is also terrified of everything. Oh, he’ll act like a tough guy, insisting that some cartoon meant for the 6-and-up set doesn’t scare him. Do not believe him, readers, because before you know it Four will be unable to stay in a room by himself, and will have to walk everywhere in front of you, pressing his back against your thighs, because otherwise the zombies he saw for 2.5 seconds on the Nicktoons Network might get him.

Or maybe this is Four and Two Months talking; maybe by the third month he’ll be pleased with me again, and fearless enough to, say, sit in a room without being curled up in a fetal position on my lap as he berates me for my shortcomings.

(Also: there's a new post at Wonderland today.)

Comments

[zoom!]

Four is judgemental only because he is evolving some sense of morality...and fearful for the exact same reason!

[S-Way]

Yes. I remember the look of disdain Henry gave me when he confirmed that I only had one kind of juice to offer him. Does he really give the thumbs down? Because that is awesome.

[RLJ]

17 months thankfully forgets my transgressions within 300 seconds. He also forgets that he fell on his head/ squashed his fingers/ got a row in the same length of time. Education is a slow process. He can, however, operate the pepper mill, open a bottle of milk and pour it everywhere faster than you can spit, and spot (smell?) the parmeggiano holder from 300 yards.

You tell me it gets harder? Thank goodness for my ft job!

[Jessie]

Four sounds pretty darn adorable.

[Blaine]

Oh 4....how you cause me to go insane; and fall further in love with you everyday!

I'm afraid we don't get any smarter as parents from this point on (this is my 4th 4). That is, until these short ones grow up and have kids of their own. How I will laugh when his own 4 passes out judgement. Mwah ha ha ha!!

[Jenn]

Five-and-a-half says, "We've been practicing the Holiday Hand Job for the Winter Concert! Every day!"

Luckily it turned out to be the Holiday Hand Jive.

[Jenn]

36-and-a-half gives the wrong website. I'm at www.breedemandweep.com now.

Duh. Every age says duh! Duh! Duh!

[Gina]

My 4.2 takes as a personal affront every single time he is told not to do something, which is quite often. He will then stomp off into his room, shut the door, and stew.

If it didn't happen so often, it would be entertaining.

[chirky]

That banana. It never should have been in his lunch, don't you know?

[iheartnewyork]

4.2's parental reviews sound like 8.3's! Except 8.3's occur at night, when he's exhausted and weepy about his exhausting day.

[liz]

4.8 tells you that she's four-and-a-half and wants to know when she's going to be 4 in both halves.

4.8 eats her lunch while watching you clean all the kitchen cabinets and remarks that "being a mom is hard work." And follows it with, "it's no work at all being a kid!"

4.8 is making me very tired.

[clickmom]

5.9 thinks I am perfect always
9.7 thinks I can never know as much as he does
13.8 is always so curiously patient and understanding, it's hard to say he ever has a negative thought about his mom.

You just never know. Sometimes from day to day.

[Abigail]

Four is so hard. I did not expect that at all. Everyone talks about 2, no one talks about 4! It's a secret.

[Nicole]

I'm getting the feeling that it's all a big conspiracy to keep us having kids. Everyone knows about the terrible twos, but nobody bothers to tell you that various terriblenesses persist from 18 months to God knows when. The version 3.3 that we have at home turns on a dime, which is frustrating. It's like that Sesame Street version of Shiny Happy People when REM sings about the monsters who are cheerful and then wailing and then happy again. Plus there is a surfeit of nap fighting, and if we give in, we regret it in approximately four and a quarter hours.

On the upside, he's cute, helpful, and frequently hilarious. Plus he can now peel garlic for me.

[Susan]

My four says things like, "Mommy, God sees you when you're mean." Which is apparently ALL THE DAMN TIME, if you ask him.

[Brooke]

Four? It was bad for the first 4 or 5 months in, now it has calmed down again. You are correct in saying that Four lets go of nothing.

[Sarah]

Some time ago when you posted about "I've come to get you" I redecorated my wall with Pop Tart (both disgusting and hilarious). So I should know not to be eating or drinking when I read your blog as I so very nearly pebbledashed my iMac once more halfway through the first paragraph.

[dawn]

4 sounds like a scorpio. is he?

[elaine]

speaking as a mother who is days away from having a 5 year old (holy crap!), i can tell you that 4 started out horribly, but the last few months have been great. there is a new maturity (can one really be mature at 4 1/2?) that i wasn't expecting and it's great.

hang in there

[Wendy]

My 3.8 models have more (intelligent) questions than a standardized test. I actually hope that part never goes away. The constant tendancy to inform me that I "never" let them have snack / have a website / dress up the dog / go aimlessly wandering the mall to spend money of a bajillion tiny useless things that they "need" -- THAT, I hope will someday go far far away.

[bobbarama]

Your So Close piece at Wonderland was truly heartbreaking. You wonder sometimes why certain tragedies haunt you more than others ... why they won't let go ... why they're so poignant or painful or especially sad. Your piece helped me understand why this sad tragedy affected me so much. So close. So heartbreakingly close.

[alanaransley]

I didn't like 4 so much. We're at 5.4 right now, and he is so much fun! He can finally begin letting go of things, and accepting punishment without yeliing or hitting me, most of the time. 5.4 also helps around the house, and is tall enough to turn on lights and buckle his own seatbelt now. That's real progress! There is still criticism on my performance as a mom, though. Now, it's getting more specific, and I can imagine that it will only get worse. 5.4 even admitted that he likes sleep last week. I never thought I would hear those sweet words! However, I am still not at a point where I am ready to have another one. I hope to be there someday...

[The Dad from Looky, Daddy!]

For girls, 4 is the "everyday I have a new best friend, and by the way, yesterday's best friend is now my worst enemy" stage.

I believe that ends soon after they enter the workplace.

[Molly]

4.3 is every bit of a sassy, all-knowing, all-telling nightmare that 4.2 is. I am hoping to peak someday (4.6 would be logical, but 4.3 would be nice) so that we can slide back down the hill and be ok again.

Ohhh how I know your pain.

[Beth]

Ah, yes. Tonight my almost-6 said, "Goodnight, W.M. - Worst Mom." This, after a day of snuggles and laughter and mac-and-cheese with real cheese (a rarity!). Apparently not letting the kiddo stay up late to play video games makes me the worst mom ever. Who knew? He's also begun to experiment with telling me I'm "mean" and that he hates me. But this is mainly when he's tired; when he's rested, he calls me "sweetie" and "my love," and tries to make me laugh by raising his left eyebrow when I look at him. He kills me.

[Shiri]

Oh dear lord. I'm at 3.2 now, and was hoping for some palliation in the near future. The best part: when #1 will hit 4.2, #2 will enter terrible two. Glory, glory, hallelujah.

[Naughty Heather]

5.0 is better than 4 already - and thank God, because seriously, I was ready to ask 4 to take it outside!!

Hang in there.

[oyabakamama]

At four, Miss Ella learned how to write "Bad Mama".

[MommyWithAttitude]

Well... maybe... but my 5 and a half is still pretty good at remembering my wrongs!

[lynn]

Oh, yes, the "fearful fours." Mine was sometimes scared to go into a room by himself, especially if the light wasn't on. Or he'd be scared of something on TV - a Clifford episode about "Whiffy the Skunk Ghost" made him scared to go to sleep for weeks. He also didn't play an outdoor game at preschool called "going on a bear hunt" because he thought it was scary. His Abiyoyo book, which is about a monster, was too scary to read. And there was a Raffi CD he woudn't listen to, one because it had a Halloween song about a witch.

It'll pass, all phases do...

[Erika]

4.7 lets me know before he goes to sleep that he will have a bad dream and must come to our bed.

4.7 whines that his legs, arms, head hurt all the time! That's why he can't get dressed.

2.0 decides instead of peeing in the potty, he will walk naked into his room and pee on the newly opened package of diapers instead. Take that diapers!

[Jonathon]

I thought my 2 1/2 year-old already had my parenting under a microscope. If this is 4, I'm going to have to shape up.

[Ellen]

What I remember most about 4's is the constant talking and questioning. Yak, yak, yak. Everything that pops into their brains comes out the mouth. Hush already.

[Krapsnart]

Two months: burbling, smiling, dozing with her mouth on my tit, screaming because her diaper's wet or she's hungry or she's bored or she's going to grow half an inch tomorrow.

How I love her.

(Hi, Alice, it's Emily W. '91: had no idea this was you! Hello hello!)

[Monster Mama]

Oh.....4.2-those were the days my sweets! You think 4.2 doesn't let go of things, 6.0 doesn't forget ANYTHING, calls you on the smallest of things and has the wit and sarcasm of an adult......it makes me shudder to think that it could get worse. 4.2 slammed doors, but 6.0 slams them harder! 4.2 could argue very well, 6.0 can not only argue, but debate you and WIN! 4.2 remembers the smallest of details and recalls them as if they were in a rolodex, 6.0 can not only recall them with details, but point out where you went wrong and what you SHOULD'VE done to make the situation better (and what you were wearing at the time in question!). 4.2 could still sit on your lap without breaking your legs or be picked up and readily hugged, 6.0 runs when he sees you at school and pretends to not know you, gets embarassed that SOMEONE might be watching if you sneak a kiss, and already comes up to your armpit! I am sure once I hit 7.0 I will long for the 6.0 version! I think I am more worried about 2.1 right now, you'd think that I'd be seasoned, as 6.0 has broken me in.....but 2.1 is a beast-all I ever heard was how EASY girls were....BAH! 2.1 has balls-is absolutely fearless-blatently ignores me and laughs when I get angry-the 2.1 male version was a joy, a cake walk-he was my shadow, my best bud-listened to me! 2.1 hugs on me and loves on me, but goes out of her way to piss 6.0 off-2.1 thinks it's her job to correct all of 6.0's wrong doings.......which sends 6.0 into a mad, head spinning, screaming mess......but what does 2.1 do..........2.1 LAUGHS!
I think I have my work cut out for me......when does 34.9 get a child-free vacation?? Anyone know?

[Amy]

Thanks for the head's up! My Sweetie will be 4 next week. She's had a good run of it the last 2 or 3 months - but I can see her changing already. And not really for the better - even despite the warnings that Santa is watching. Woe is me. :(