Bow to your crunchy, delicious God. BOW.

Say that you enjoy granola. SAY IT. You do. Don’t lie to me. Or: lie to me.

So you like granola, you say! So do I! But let’s also say that when you buy it, more often than not you find it too sweet. Or too crunchy. Or containing enormous chunks of oat-and-nut clusters that break off large sections of your molars. And why does granola need to contain hydrogenated palm oil?

This granola situation is no good. You are unhappy with this state of affairs. So here is what you will do.

You will go read about making your own granola. You will think, oh, Mark Bittman, can homemade granola really be that delicious? But then you’ll say to yourself, what the hey. I’ll give it a go. You will make only half the recipe because you won’t be sure it will be as good as Mark Bittman says. You don’t really see how it can go wrong, but then, Mark Bittman has failed you before. You are wary. (You are also sadly mistaken and will instantly wish after tasting the granola that you had doubled the recipe. You fool! But no matter.)

Having (foolishly) halved the recipe, you will gather together three cups of oats and about a cup of your nuts of choice (I like cashews, walnuts, and sliced almonds; you should like these, too, and if you don’t, I don’t know what to say to you). You will dump them all into a bowl with a half-cup of maple syrup, a teaspoon of cinnamon, some vanilla extract, and if you like it a few tablespoons of freshly ground almond butter because my GOD that’s good. And don’t forget a dash of salt! You will wish you had purchased some coconut, but you didn’t, so there’s no sense beating yourself up about it.

Then you will find yourself mixing together the granola fixins, making sure the almond butter is evenly distributed so that you won’t have weird mushy clumps in your granola. Before you know it, you’re spreading the mixture on a baking sheet or broiler pan (something with sides is a good idea), sticking it in a 350-degree oven, and for the next for 30-45 minutes, pretending to be working while you’re actually waiting to mix the granola around every ten minutes to make sure it’s not burning.

When it’s all browned and crunchy, you will remove it from the oven. Do not eat it! It will be hot. You will wait. IT WILL BE TORTURE.

Then, when the granola has reached room temperature, you can eat some. Maybe with some milk, maybe soy milk, maybe, I don’t know, plain. Do I have to tell you how to do everything? The point is, you will love it. You will love it too much. You will eat six bowls of granola that first day. You will feel a little sick. And yet throughout the day you will think, I could really go for some more granola.

Then the next morning you will wake up and think, what can I have for breakfast? I can’t bear the idea of another waffle—WAIT! GRANOLA! And there it will be in your refrigerator. I am a person who makes her own granola, you will tell yourself. How should I feel about that? And you will write about the granola on your blog. And your audience will think, Has she lost her mind? And what, is this a cooking blog now?

You will not care. You have your granola. And it has you.

Comments

[S-Way]

God-DAMN, but homemade granola is good times. My grandmother's recipe rocks the house -- her granola is dark brown and a little salty and almost seems to have some toasted butter in it. Can you toast butter? In any case, it instantly makes any bland cereal taste so freakin' good. I like mine on Rice Chex. The blander the better, because you don't want anything to take away from the delicious granola taste.

Damn.

[Mignon]

I can't believe, after six bowls of granola, you haven't taken up residency on the pot. Granola, granola, the musical fruit!

[Abigail]

Oh my that sounds so good. I might have to be inducted into the cult of homemade granola soon.

Mignon, your comment made me laugh out loud! :)

[Elizabeth]

My best friend gave me a bag of homemade granola with my Christmas present, and it was so good I had to hold myself back from eating the whole thing all in one sitting. Dried cherries and chopped walnuts with oats, but not in chunks. It was delicious by itself with milk, and mixed half and half with Grape Nuts , a sprinkle of sugar and milk. Now I want to get the recipe from her and make some more so I can mix it with yogurt. Yep, this granola HAS ME.

[Mara]

Delurking because I'm so fond of granola!

I used to make it myself back when I lived with my parents, and it is SO MUCH BETTER than store-bought.

And maybe you're not poor like me, but you didn't mention the CHEAPNESS of the homemade! SO MUCH CHEAPER.

[anna]

I'm loving Mark Bittman these days. Made his twice seared pork last week - a keeper.

[Michelle]

I use the same recipe my Mom made and it is DELICIOUS. It makes a ton, I usually mix it in my kitchen sink it's so big, but doesn't last long around here because we eat it morning, noon and night. And sometimes twice a night if you're my husband.

[Suebob]

I have also heard Mark B does wonderful things with no-knead bread. You could also become Someone Who Bakes Bread - wouldn't that be awesome (pardon me, I am from California, so I get to say "awesome.")

[Poppy]

May the curses of your blog-reading public rain heavily upon you, finslippy, and haunt your shameless home-made-granola-flaunting bad self, world without end, amen.

I'm hungry.

[margalit]

After getting Bittman's No-Knead Bread recipe to work perfectly, I think the man is God. I'll try the granola. I've used an old hippy recipe previously, but your take on Bittman's recipe sounds so much better. And I'll be tripling the recipe. We're big on cereal here.

[alice]

Sadder still than the fact that I am writing about granola on a Saturday night is that so many of you are responding.

It's 1:30 a.m., and I can't sleep. Snack time!

[Inas]

I'm wide awake because it's 9 am where I am and I'm starting to think about breakfast....hmmm.....

[jenB]

I was shocked to see a post pop up for you, yet happy that you are posting on a Saturday night and not having cocktails with Capote-like-peoples.

I would probably be the only one in the house to even eat the granola, so I might half the batch. It is one am here and I am hoping you are sleeping now.

and Alice, you should win some award or some cash money for making a post about homemade granola so funny. It is a gift my friend.

[Boulder]

Saddest yet is that it is now 1:20am here, and I'm thinking to myself, "Can I make this tonight?"

[ozma]

What else do you get out of this identity change to a person who makes her own granola? A make your own granola person must also balance her checkbook regularly and file her bills right? And go to sleep early and wake up with the dawn. If this is so, I will do it. Otherwise, I dunno. Do I need more than just granola? Is this why I may never become a make your own granola person?

Suebob--What's weird is I was just talking about the no-knead bread recipe with my friend today--about how six people have told him about it and given him the recipe and yet of those six people, not a single one has actually made the no-knead bread. Maybe it's kind of scary to be Someone Who Bakes Bread.

[MomVee]

Yes, homemade granola may be the meaning of life. My mother has been making granola for, oh, 30 years or so--and take it from me, she's not that type of gal. I make my own granola and every night I go to bed thinking, "Tomorrow, when I wake up, I can have granola!" It's like Christmas every day. especially when you have it with whole milk yogurt.

[Cheryl]

Sounds like a yummy slice of heaven. I know what I'm doing next weekend!

[Average Jane]

That's it, I'm making granola tomorrow.

[Kyran]

Alice, you wicked, wanton temptress. Get back with thee! Thee and thy carb-o-licious temptations!

[kyran]

oh, and this blog post? is there a "secret" ingredient you are leaving out of the granola?
;-)

[christy]

I, for one, welcome our new granola overlords.

[kalki]

Just this morning my husband and I were craving some granola. And then I read this post...granola is clearly my destiny.

[karen]

Forget granola, what you really need is the proper granola bar....say one made by your own two hands with sunbutter and carob chips and coconut (because you remembered to buy some) and chopped dates, and MAPLE SYRUP. Now THAT is what is good. And the children will eat them all, all of them I tell you, unless you wrap them individually and then freeze them for some later and fortuitous time.

I must post the recipe.

[Jennifer]

*Bows in crunchy, delicious reverence*

[Lori]

I've never made my own, and likely never will, but I do have a problem. I had granola for breakfast and dinner yesterday, and I'm salivating thinking about the bowl I'm yet to have today. Big trouble, I tell you!

[alice]

I don't know, Karen--you lost me with "carob chips." I'm willing to hear more, but let's just pretend the word "carob" never entered the picture. Thank you.

[Tara]

May I add butter and chocolate chips to my granola? Mmmm fauxtrition

[Mitch McDad]

I can't do granola. it's a religious thing.

[Noelle]

Alice, I would like to invite you to my home to re-write all my recipes.

[Leslie]

Only you could make a recipe sound that fun. I think I'll have to try it.

[Sonja]

Will you please move in next door to me? So I can come over and sample the granola? And offer you some freeze-dried mangos and pineapples to mix in? Please?

[Peggasus]

You wouldn't mind if I substituted Trader Joe's Cashew Butter for the freshly ground almond butter, would ya? Because that stuff is pretty good too.

Also, one time at a party, there was an almost-empty bigass container (on of those cardboardy ones) of Planter's Cocktail Peanuts that eveyone began using as, I don't know, a maraca or a tamborine and in general just a shaking sort of musical instrument, and in a very short time there was peanut butter made inside of it! That was a fun party.

[Blaine]

Mmmm!! I'm pretty sure I could go for some granola too. Off to the store to buy coconut!

[maggie]

Yum. I love granola - I 've been making my own for years and years. I usually add sesame seeds, and I always make sure it's got enough salt (I think the recipe in the Times seemed short of salt). I like it best on plain yogurt with some cut up fruit (fresh, or frozen if it's that time of year). And my kidlet asks for some sprinkled on her Crispex. Good stuff. Thanks.

[emira]

I'm a long time homemade granola maker, inspite of the scorn it has brought upon me, of the crunchy hippie variety that is. I personally have grown overly fond of a dried cherry/roasted hazelnut/coconut mix that I just can't abandon now that I've started it. I omit the cinnamon but do use a mixture of honey and maple syrup just because the two different types of sweet flavours are too good to pass up. Enjoy your new breakfast life, you'll never go back.

[Just Beachy]

My heart is hurting as I am intolerent to both oats and almonds, but I do so Love me some Granola. I wonder if it is worth the, um, intolerentness of it all?

[Sara]

I've been making (and giving away) my own granola for an eerily long time -- we got the recipe (even simpler than Bittman's) from a B&B in New Hampshire... Actually, when I moved into my first dorm room in college I brought a batch with me to have in the dorm; needless to say that my roommate thought I was nuts. The obvious next step? My email address in college was "granola@".

My personal combination usually involves bananas, plain yogurt and maybe some honey (this is especially yummy in the summer when there are fresh berries around).

[Angie]

I can't wait to try this! I love to dip spoonfuls of yogurt in granola.

[Melanie]

Oh, that sounds awesome! I want to be a Person Who Makes Her Own Granola. That's so, well, crunchy granola hippie(kill me now for that pun). But either way I'm definitely trying this when I get more oatmeal (we grind ours up to make the world's best whole wheat and oat flour pancakes, so there's no more left).

[karen]

"Carob", did I say "carob"? No, no, no, I obviously meant "chocolate". Lots and lots of chocolate. A typo. My apologies.

[karen]

Oh what the hell...the recipe's up for the granola bars (not like I'm hoarding it or anything, just had to get off my lazy ass and post it, all that cutting and pasting, whew!). Get me a drink, someone, wouldja?

[Alissa]

Um. Am I the only one who needs exact measurements and baking temperatures and times? I cry at my anal retentiveness... and therefore lack of granola.

[islaygirl]

i love mark bittman. his easy pasta recipe is a winner. just in case you need a break from the crunchity goodness of the granola at some point far, far, far into the future. then you can become one of those desperate people who not only make their own granola, but also their own pasta.

[alice]

Alissa, the NYT link in the post will give you the measurements you need. It's all going to be okay.

[TB]

I do love granola. It's the most versatile of the grain mixes. Good on vanilla yogurt, in a bowl with milk, on ice cream and of course plain by the handful.
Being pregnant has made me realize the importance of fiber so granola is my friend.
I've never made my own granola but I did once make chex mix. Not the same.

[SparklieSunShine]

That sounds fantastic. Thanks for sharing the link.

[debl]

I have made my Grandmother's granola, and it is excellent. However, it is made with honey and vegetable oil instead of with maple syrup. Yes, oil. It gives it the semi-fried texture and taste that takes granola out of "sort of healthy" and puts it squarely into "now it just LOOKS like it might be healthy, but is most definitely not."

[Sascha]

Since I can't even walk through a kitchen without exact measurements *waves to Alissa*, and I really want to make this recipe this afternoon, I neeeeed to know how much almond butter you used. Pretty please?

Thanks!

[samantha jo campen]

I just want to say that I love you so much.

[Kim]

Yay. I will be making granola very very soon.

...and for those unaware, bugmenot.com will give you a password to get into the NYT website (and lotsa other places). Very handy friend to have.