The voice of reason is one I left so far behind.*

I'm sorry, but there’s nothing in my head today. No ideas, no original thoughts, just a dim buzzing and, inexplicably, “Head Over Heels” by the Go-Gos. (I hope I didn’t just put that song in your head. I hope you’re too young or old or too not-a-thirteen-year-old-girl-in-1982 to know it. If so, here it is! NOW the song’s in your head.) (I'm sorry.) (Belinda, your shirt’s falling off! Better fix that!)

*Come on! Guess where that came from!

Although I am but an empty vessel, I will soldier on. This weekend Henry went to the in-laws. If you have parents nearby who are willing to take your child away from you for days or even hours, I highly recommend it. You might think you can’t bear the separation from your beloved child for even a minute, but I’ll tell you, after the first 30 or so times you’re left weeping at Grand Central as your baby toddles away, his chubby little hand in Grandma’s, you start to feel pretty casual about it. And once your baby is four and let’s face it, not getting any younger, you might find yourself peeling out of the grandparents’ driveway, shouting, “So long, suckers!” as you take off for a weekend of sweet, sweet freedom. All weekend I found myself wondering aloud that I wasn’t pining for my baby. Of course, I also spent much of that time sharing adorable anecdotes about him to anyone who would listen. Hey, dry cleaner, want to hear about how my sweater got yogurt all over it? There’s a cute story in it! You sit down and you LISTEN.

Now he’s back, at school, while I’m in my house, swaddled in multiple sweaters. Here’s a funny story: once there was an adorable, if old, house in the suburbs. When it got cold, the wind whistled through the window frames and the door frames and the walls and probably also through the furniture. Sometimes it seemed as if it were colder inside the house than out! Fortunately, the winter was warm and sultry, thanks to pre-apocalyptic freaky weather changes, so it was only cold inside, instead of toe-losingly frigid. Then the gas bill came! And wow! The owners of the house sure didn’t know heating could cost that much! And once again, they questioned their decision to move to this god-forsaken land, this JERSEY.

Speaking of which, at some point I do intend to write about our adjustment to the new place. Because I know you’ve been aching for more information on our suburban ennui or lack thereof. Or is that sensation from all the granola you just ate?

Comments

[Lisa Milton]

Being neither too young nor too old, I am now reliving 6th grade, singing along with you and the girls. Could be worse. It could have been "Mickey". Come on, sing along. I know you can. (Hey Toni! Love the cheerleading giddup. Nah, you're not too old to pull it off.)

[Matt]

More Jersey adaptiveness - suburban ennui avoidance ruminations are highly desirable. How is the Mega-grocery store relationship? Still enjoying the daily d-r-i-v-e-s? Joined the malling crowd? Inquiring minds want to know.

[Vicky]

Yes, yes. Utilizing the grandparents for babysitting is the best. Our parents have always been good about taking our kids for sleepovers/weekends, even weeks at a time!

And once your baby is 13 or so, you pull 20 bucks out of your wallet and pay her to watch her younger siblings so you and your significant other can scream out of your own driveway, off to paradise...otherwise known as dinner and a movie. Ah, bliss.

[Karen Rani]

"you might find yourself peeling out of the grandparents’ driveway, shouting, “So long, suckers!”"

OH YEAH, BABY. Been there, shouted that. In their faces.

[kyran]

this is all good. because i am FLIPPING out over going away from my kids next month. i see now that i need to lean into the fear, load Beauty and the Beat onto my iPod Shuffle, and...well, not ever move to Jersey.

that's what i love about you, alice...every post has a moral.

[kyran]

...just like every rose has its thorn
just as every night has its dawn
just like every cowboy sings a sad,sad song

...does that help with the GoGos?

[maggie]

Invest in fleece. And more fleece. And insulate everything, everywhere. We moved to the suburbs a couple of years ago and the gas bill is a RUDE shock every winter.

I wholeheartedly agree about the grandparents. And next month? I am going to California ALONE. For a whole weekend.

[slouching mom]

What about Flock of Seagulls? Men At Work? Soft Cell? Ahh, those were the days.

Oh, and you believe yourself to be in the middle of nowhere in JERSEY? I laugh at that. Ha.Ha.Ha. While I cry at that. I grew up in The-City-That-Must-Not-Be-Mentioned, and now I live 3.5 hours away from the nearest city. Guess what the city is? Cmon, guess! Please? OK, I'll tell you, since you asked so politely. It's PITTSBURGH, that's what it is. (Sorry, Pittsburghers. Pittsburghians? Hmm... You do have a *very* wonderful science museum.)

[clickmom]

When we made the move to Jersey we too were appalled at the heating cost. New windows cut that bill in half! And they should pay for themselves by the time the youngest goes to college and we high tail it back to the city!!

Damned if you do, cold if you don't.

[KatieG]

Yes, yes.
*nodding in agreement*
We too lived in a House With Gaping Holes Around All Windows And Doors. Fun times. And the best part? Dust on everything! All the time!

[Bethany]

In college, we actually had a little snowdrift by our front door, where the snow blew through the gaping crack along the side.

Now I live in one of those old, old homes that actually IS colder inside than outside in the spring -- when the nights are still chilly, but the days are warm. It's unnerving. And in the winter, well, we might as well direct deposit our paycheck right into the gas man's personal bank account. Two words: budget plan.

My parents live two miles away, so whenever I send my children over, they always are back by bedtime. Not enough time for pining.

[amy]

It definitely takes a village, and I can personally attest to the fact that if my parents had not helped us with raising our kids, I probably would be in an insane asylum as we speak. It was a sanity saver, and the kids always loved it. Now they are teenagers, and they still like to sleep over at their grandparents -- gotta love it!

[Kait]

My inlaws must have heard that I was a hellion as a child - they'll babysit one kid, but as soon as we have two, they won't look after both of them at once. This makes me pout just a little bit :)

[Amy]

Up here in Saskatchewan, we know all about cold (and heating bills!).

If you can't afford new windows, here's a trick that works: buy some clear plastic sheeting and put it up over the windows (on the inside or the outside--either works).

It's amazing how much warmer (and richer) you'll be.

[alice]

Yeah, we have approximately 30,000 windows, so I don't think we'll be replacing them, well, ever. Plastic sheeting it is!

[starshine]

"So long, suckers!"

That was beautiful. The image of you peeling out of your parent's driveway is just...awesome!

[Sonia]

Being a mid-30s chick, I remember Head Over Heels all too well, the Go-Gos being the epitome of cool then. Thanks for the reminder!

[Monkee]

You think your gas bill is bad, how about paying for air conditioning 364 days out of the year? Oh, and that one day that it cooled off enough for you to open the windows, you opened them only to find giant mutant spiders living between the glass and the screen. Then, of course, you panicked because the only thing you like less than spiders is giant mutant spiders and you slammed the window shut, but in your haste you didn't see where the spider went and now you're absolutely certain it's in the house somewhere just waiting for you to fall asleep so it can lay eggs in your face. Must not sleep. Must not sleep.

[Leslie]

I was crazy about "Head Over Heels" by The GoGos when I was about 8 years old. So much so that I demanded my mom take me to get that Belinda haircut, with a rat tail. Then, I danced all around my room, just like Belinda, with my new wave do. I still dance that way, which is why my single friends refuse to take me out dancing with them.

[chris]

Another old house owner where you can feel a breeze when you go anywhere near a window. A breeze strong enough to blow your hair.

And that song is now stuck in my head. ARGH!

[Kim]

Hey, Alice, read this:

http://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/oldhouse/msg1011484312015.html

We're about to buy a 1916 2-story, and I'm planning on using that forum HEAVILY to combat the scary gas bills.

There's some tax benefits to adding insulation adn other energy-efficient updates in 2007, too.

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

I recently left Jack with my mom for a weekend and drove to Kansas City to visit a friend. It was bliss. I also made my mom put Jack on the phone.
Then when Caleb left last time after being here a month, his empty bed kept making me sad.

[Alice]

Mutant spiders! I feel better already!

[Michelle]

The song isn't stuck in my head but I decided to make granola this week thanks to your post. Haven't done it in months and it sounded so good . . .

[dink(y)]

* Vacation! All I ever wanted...

And I was only three in 1982!

[Mauigirl52]

Thanks for the post of the Go-Gos, I'd forgotten that song - being almost old by 1982. I was still hanging in bars up until 1983 and then became domesticated and boring. So it brings me back to my last days of bar-hopping.

Does your house have insulation? If not, you can get it blown into the insides of your walls, which is what the previous owners of our house had done just before we moved in. True, any gap between any piece of the wall-related structure had fluffy gray stuff coming out of it for the first five years but now it's settled out nicely and we don't notice this. We've also plugged up any errant holes. And although our heating bill is scary during the really cold weather, this year it's been so balmy I am pleased with what we're being charged. PSE&G man came today to check the meter; it will be interesting to see what happens for this month now that it's getting a bit chillier.

Best of luck, hope you are settled in to Jersey and enjoying it now...

[Alana]

Oh, how I wish to have someone to take my son for a weekend! The only kid-free time that I get is ten minutes twice a day to and from the school where I spend the day with 110 fifth-graders. That doesn't count as being away from kids! Even though they're not mine, I still have to discipline and clean up after them.
We still haven't managed to import family members to Texas, so we are stuck paying babysitters twice a year when we can find one. Actually, I did go away for a weekend alone in October. That was the first time in over five years that I have traveled alone, and it was the strangest feeling; so liberating, yet I missed him.

[sara]

will your in laws take my child? both sets of our parents are far far away, and even when we do see them, they never take the kid off our hands. seriously. never. the kid is almost 4 and i've probably left him alone with my parents a whopping total of 5 hours.
maybe i'll soothe my wounded psyche with sweet sweet granola.

[kerflop]

20 below here with wind chill. We have ice on the INSIDE of our windows. Want to trade? Because I'd totally adopt your in laws who will take children for an entire weekend and you can live here, in law-less in rock solid frozen potato land.

WHY DID WE MOVE HERE?

[TSM-Tantilizingly Superiorily Mediocre]

3 in 1982? *sigh* I was ecstatic when "13 going on 30" came out, burning forever my pre-teen years on film. I owned Thriller, yes. And I kissed its cover nightly. I now brush my teeth for a minimum of three minutes each tooth just remembering kissing that record sleeve. Oh, the naivity of youth. Our Lips Are Sealed!

(And I'm too young for Flock of Seagulls, but too old for Nirvana).

[LetterB]

Well, I don't know from gas bills but every time that oil truck pulls up to the house I clap my hands to the side of my head and run around the house screaming. Then I hide when the guy comes up to stick the bill in the door. Did I mention the furnace is original to the house? The house built in 1921? It's like were heating the house with a Studebaker. And yet we still happily signed those papers...

[Lisa]

Writing to you from Seattle, where we stopped worrying about the paint peeling off the walls all around the giant, leaking windows.... so that we could turn panicky attention to the water streaming into our basement. Thank god that happened the day AFTER Christmas instead of on Christmas Eve, at least.

I so needed that little taste of Go-Go's, thank you, Alice!

[ozma]

Two words: Performance Fleece. In layers.

You build up a tolerance. We turned our heat up to 55 degrees the other night and it felt so balmy. Better, your kid gets used to a cold house which will save you quite a lot in the years to come. Of which there aren't many as you reminded me in your New Year's post (it still haunts me), but you know. Saving money's still good even without that future thing.

[Michelle D]

Wool socks are the gifts of the gods. Get some and wear them in good health. I swear my life has improved in inexplicable ways since I switched to wool socks.

I'm generally swathed in several layers of wool and/or silk when I am at home, for lo, I too have an old house (though mine is in inner Kansas City) and in order to be able to afford to eat, the thermostat stays just high enough to keep the pipes from freezing.

I feel your pain.

Still, $5 secondhand merino, cashmere, and silk sweaters from the Junior League thriftshop, and a butt-ton of SmartWool socks have made a positive difference.

Oh, good tights to wear under jeans or khakis. I like UnderArmour, but they are awfully pricey. The "wicking" workout tights from Target are a good second. The polyester ones are the best. Cotton tends to retain too much sweat and feel clammy. Eeeww!

[Jaynee]

When we realized our old NJ house was more drafty than expected, my husband went out to Home Depot and bought trimfiller (that rubbery glue type stuff - not caulk - the other stuff) and put it around every window in the house. It made a difference.

We also bought lots of fleece blankets, thick slippers and flannel sheets. Oh, and a wonderful Cuddledown comforter.

If you have a working wood fireplace, consider installing a blower and buy a couple cords of firewood. The blower will help circulate the warm air throughout the house, and wood is a cheaper than running the heat all winter.

[amanda]

G'parent support has been spotty at best...
what's that step-daddy dearest? We have nothing in common since I had kids? You trust a relationship will *come naturally, one day* with your grandkids? Oh? And now, 8 months after the birth of our 2nd you're, what? Oh embarrassed? For having yet to meet her?
Deal, loser.
So I guess I don't know that joy. But we have new siding and insulation on our 111 year old home in the Adirondaks plus storm doors. I keep fighting the urge to stand naked in front of the glass doors and gloating about the newfound heat retention. Unfortunately I am too busy trying to get the 2 1/2 year old to please-for-the-love-of-god eat something.

Cheers.

[michele]

Belinda was such a cute little chubby gal and then she went and got all stylish for Heaven is a Place on Earth. It was somewhat similar to what happened with Janet Jackson in that video that was in black and white (can't remember the name) and then everyone was all "Whoa, Janet's a babe" but then she gained 400 pounds again. And meanwhile in the non-MTV world, I had to move up to frickin' size 14 pants, and never, ever seem to lose weight or get stylish. What's up with that?

[victoria]

Thank you for that You Tube link! 80's hair! Oh, the mousse, the gel!

[sarah]

My parents-in-law have been taking my racket since I was pregnant with my 2nd and had the flu so bad I was hospitalized. They started taking him about 3 times a month for the weekend. When #2 was about 1 and weaned, they took him too. Also. As well. At the same time as #1. Yes, both children off my hands. My mom started trying to get in on the fun, too. Then, When #3 was born, even my grandchild-less aunt wanted some action. She took them for a couple of days, I think twice. I know I'm more fortunate than most. I definitely advocate hinting around, if your parents or in-laws haven't had some hard-core grandkid time. They will love it while your kids are there, and be reminded of what good lives they have, now that they don't have kids around all the time.

[dajamama]

OK, it's in my head, but not really, because I don't know that one so much. Instead I have "head over heels" going through my head to the tune of "Our Lips are Sealed" except I don't know all the words so It's just "head over heels...head over heels...head over heels..." like a scratchy record, which, yes, I am old enough to remember listening to scratchy records and even playing the 78s on 45 speed and vice versa.