I love you.

I had no idea just how little effort I had to put into a post to get a response from you people. You are entirely too generous and good-humored, joining me in my cave-person talk like that. You’re funny, and you smell nice.

Have you ever heard Code Monkey? If you haven’t, you should. It is my gift to you, fellow idiot. And I say that with all the love in my idiot heart.

Hey, did you know that no longer do you have to type in finslippy DOT typepad DOT (oh god my hands are getting tired) com to gain entry to this blog? www.finslippy.com is now the official URL over here. And because the site is programmed to open other URLs in a new window, if you have the original typepad URL in there and you click on the comments, you get a new window, and then you’re all bewildered and lost, and I don’t want that for you; I never wanted that. Change your links to www.finslippy.com today! Or, you know, whenever.

And did you also know that when you live in a town with (relatively for the area) low taxes, your streets will remain unplowed? It’s like off-roading over here. If we make it to the town border, which is luckily a half-block from us, the road are as clean and sparkling as they are in the springtime. In fact, it’s a balmy 65 degrees there, and no one has to work, and the dogs pee lemonade into the cotton-candy bushes. On the other hand, the residents have to tithe fifty percent of their salary to the town elders, and there’s that weekly child sacrifice. Given that, I'll take off-roading and a clean conscience any day.

Also, you probably knew this, and I wish someone had told me: children are expected to bring cards and treats for their classmates on Valentine's Day. Huh. Well. Henry showed up yesterday with a bag full of candies and hearts, and all I got was a heart full of shame. I mean, I saw it on the calendar, the comment about "bring goodies!" but I didn't believe it. I don't know what words mean, actually. It's sad.

Today I heard the teacher thank one of the parents for the earrings. Earrings? Does this parent know there are no grades involved in pre-K? That earrings aren't going to get the kid a college recommendation? I suppose she was being nice or whatever. I just don't get it. I always think of Valentine's Day as a meaningless holiday celebrating love. I mean, I like the kids in Henry's class, and I like his teacher, but not in that way.

In conclusion, did you know that there’s a new Wonderland post today? There is. Now let's make out.

Comments

[Dana]

Every "holiday" is a chance for parents to vie for the teacher's favor with over-the-top gifts. But earrings? Wow.

[LetterB]

Congrats on the URL! I can't wait to type less. And Code Monkey is the greatest love song of the 21st century. It makes this geek weep.

[beatrice]

I remembered the card thing at the last minute. And of course, in NYC, the land o plenty, not a single store carried those packs of 50 cards for kids. So we made them ourselves. I'd love to pretend they were more sophisticated than they were, but they were charming compared to the spiderman/incredibles/batman cards.

[sparklykatt]

Yeah, no one told me about V-day either. Actually, I did know about bringing in cards, but since we had a snow day at work on Wednesday I didn't take Prince Alexi to daycare and figured he had just missed the party.

No one told me that they moved the party to yesterday. I suck.No cards for my kid. And hey, when did V-day become the next halloween? Every. single. valentine. that PA brought home yesterday had candy in it. And it was all red (well yeah, like duh), but he can't have red unless we want to watch him spin out of control three feet off the ground.

When he asked his morning where his bag was with his valentines I told him I didn't know what he was talking about and maybe Daddy lost it.

[Skye]

Code Monkey is amazing.

[ali b.]

I'm generally a lurker, but I had to say that my daughter's first valentine's day at preschool, I refused to send any valentines in with her - not even any of those crummy little disney-character ones that parents fill out on their kids' behalf. She'd been having a rotten time with a bunch of older kids who were downright mean to her ("You can't go near the blocks!" "No, we're having PRIVATE dress-up time!" "You don't know how to count to nine, do you?"). I wanted to teach her something about, I don't know, authenticity, or maybe revenge. So I sent her in empty handed, and allowed her to collect the others' candy-cookies-heart-shaped-sentiments and never felt a smidge of remorse. I'm still ticked off at those kids, 3 valentine's-days later.

[SusieJ]

I'm new to my "snooty" neighborhood -- and when the snow falls, you can truly tell who lives on the "nicest" streets -- they're plowed, the others aren't. And earrings? PLEASE!!

[SusieJ]

I'm new to my "snooty" neighborhood, and I'm learning that the way to tell who loves on the "nice" streets are the ones that have the snow plowed. The others do not. Earrings. PLEASE. She needs to move on one of the "nice" streets.

My internet went out just as I sent my comment -- so I'm posting it again, and hope it doesn't show up.

[candace]

Ali B., I think I love you.

And Alice? Don't worry about the lack of card-stuffs. At least Henry doesn't attend one of those fascist schools that wouldn't have allowed him to receive cards if he didn't have cards to give out. Seriously. My friend's kids attend a school like that. They're moving soon.

[Catizhere]

We have outrageously high taxes, there are several "community service people" living on my street (one resides IN my house) and my street isn't plowed either. I guess the police officers & fire fighters will just have to wait until April to get to work.

[MomVee]

I have been absolutely refusing to send in candy with my kids' Valentines for...eight years from now. It feels good, but I didn't even realize I was refusing to send in earrings to the teacher. Now I feel _awesome_!

[MomVee]

That's "eight years now," not "eight years from now." I can't take firm moral positions in the future, only the present.

[M]

Just a quick comment: I'm sure they weren't diamond earrings, and as someone on a tight budget, I certainly understand not wanting to spend more money on a "Hallmark Holiday".

But as a former teacher, any sort of gesture from a parent and/or child on a holiday (or any other day) showing appreciation means the world. Please don't get me wrong: I'm not saying to always send in presents to teachers. I just never realized how much a little goes a long way until I became a teacher.

[Luther]

Over here the dogs may pee lemonade, but for the love of god, stay away from the cats.

And giving up that third twin was well worth the plowed roads, thank you very much.

[silvermine]

Yeah, I can't believe everyone gave a bag of candy to each kid. Like I really need that much cheat candy in the house!! There's 27 kids....

My son's teacher at least passed out a list of kid's names to remind us to get valentine's.

We foolishly had an arts & crafts morning on sunday and made cards together, complete with the loving words of my son in each card. (Okay, some of them were hysterical and I had to re-write a little bit. The one where he asked the other kid to please not hit him anymore was just lovely.... I changed that one a lot!). It was actually my son's idea -- he'd just gotten a nice card from his great grandma, and I guess he wanted to share the love. :D

But no candy from us. :P

[ozma]

Just NEVER do it get some kind of mysterious symbol, make a pendant out of it and have Henry wear it. A few vague allusions to your religion--think of a food Henry hates and say he can't eat it for religious reason. Then you'll never have to remember another holiday, ever again. (Works better in school districts with a lot of multicultural awareness.)

Anyway, that's what WE'RE doing.

[marymuses]

I am so glad I'm not the only one who didn't send goodies. I got a reminder call (and by a reminder call, I mean my eight-year-old charge called all forlorn asking where HIS cards and treats to give out were) and pulled something together, but man did I ever feel so terrible about it. You don't know how much it heals my guilt-bruised little heart to know that I'm not the only one who did this.

[H]

we made cards for day care -- not very sophisticated cards, but we made an effort.

and the reason his teachers got little gifties for valentine's day was because I totally missed giving them anything for christmas -- we're talking a candle or something, not earrings

but they deserve it! in our case both cards and treats go to day care because we love the folks there, so I figure that's ok

no candy, though. I draw the line at encouraging tooth decay in toddlers. my son's candy valentines are still sitting on the kitchen table because he doesn't even know what they are, so hasn't asked about them.

[Angie]

....although, an occasional gift for the teacher would be nice though! Cheap shits!

[schmutzie]

Aw, we both growed our blogs up to dot coms. Do they get bat mitzvahs or something?

[Angie]

Okay, my comment above was supposed to follow my original comment - not sure where it went - but here it is again.

Ahhhh, one advantage to homeschooling, we don't have to deal with any of that shit. My kids make v-day cards and mail them to their friends, plus we don't have to deal with the candy!

I love the idea of the commentor above that threw the stuff away and blamed dad. genius!

(now insert the comment about 'gifts for the teacher (me) above) Just so no one thinks I'm calling THEM cheap shits - just my family.

[jp]

I figured that I'm not one of the "favorite" parents because I don't give out presents to the teachers on Valentine's Day...or try to one-up the other parents by giving Valentine GOODY BAGS instead of regular old cards.

What is wrong with just the card, people?

[alice]

Thanks for clearing that one up, Angie!

For the record, I'm all for showering teachers with gifts. I just didn't know Valentine's Day was one of those times. I mean, we're not going steady.

[slouching mom]

Making 22 cards with my nine-year-old was not the most fun, particularly because there are some kids with peculiarly spelled names in his class, which necessitated some do-overs, but what he said while finishing up the last card was so poignant that it almost made the whole project worth doing.

With a frown he said, "I probably shouldn't have signed them 'Love, Ben.' I can't be saying 'love' to the girls anymore. They might think I mean it."

He's definitely growing up. :(

[zhanae]

THANK YOU for letting us know about the comments thing. The new window thingy has been driving me crazy for weeks! I couldn't figure out what setting on my IE had changed for that to happen.

[feathered]

.... this is new?

Huh. I was sure I'd been using that address to access your site for at least a month.

anyway, very nice.

[andi]

Sadly, I can identify with the plowless streets. I got stuck in the middle of an actual city street here - ridiculous!

I can also identify with the Valentine's fiasco. I was instructed to bring cards, so was not completely humiliated, but all the bloody over-achievers at my daughter's daycare decided that cards were simply inadequate. Many of them brought treats for the kids in addition to the cards. I wish someone would have warned me that Valentine's doesn't just mean my kid getting to entertain herself by looking at some cute pictures her friends gave her, but that it means wresting various sugary treats away from my violently crying child who suddenly seems a lot like a crack addict who is suffering from serious withdrawal.

[nancy]

This is my first year teaching Kindergarten. I am so anti-party and theme day that I didn't think to hard about it and wore white and brown to school. What? no red and pink?
My room parent continues to ask me what I would like for the class party and my response is usually "whatever, and whatever is easy for you. Cookies? is that easy?" My parents (with no reminder from me) sent in many many cookies, juices, candies, cards and heart covered thematic napkins etc.
Teachers (not me) at my school get so much swag they need boxes to bring it to their cars. Swag including freshcut tulips, potted plants with a valentine theme, candy candy candy and more candy attached to gift certificates. This guarantees that their five-year old gets the most icingest cupcake and a recommendation letter to Harvard Law. I am so happy to hear that you forgot cards. It means I am not alone.

[Melanie]

Dude, your world is awesome. Unicorns and rainbows and puppies peeing lemonade. I'm so jealous I think I'll have to move to New Jersey, too, since it is apparently the promised land (and not, as I had once thought, the Third Circle of Hell, particularly when one is driving and needs to turn around but the roads DO NOT ALLOW IT, there is no way you can turn left and are TRAPPED going the wrong way... Sorry, just a little NJ flashback there. Carry on with the rainbows and such.)

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Earrings for Valentine's Day? Please--they are probably sleeping with the teacher (the parent, not the kid). Be thankful you don't live in our town---we got mostly sleet which is now a thick blanket of ice down our driveway and most of our street. Lovely!

[rhea]

I live in Calgary; a boom city (expensive to live in) and unless it's a major route the snow is never plowed. Ever.

It snows in Canada, eh!

[Velma]

The learning curve on the first/only kid never gets easier, does it? All the baby stuff that no one told me morphed into all the stuff to expect from my toddler than I never expected, and now school has opened up a whole new arena for me to lag behind in my parenting skills.

I have glommed onto a neighbor of mine who has 2 older children, and I often quiz her on various social and academic expectations of upcoming events at the bus stop. I should have given HER a valentine, now that I think of it!

[_susan]

I work at an ad agency and we use the "_____ monkey" term quite a bit. Our web developer is referred to as the "web monkey" and whoever gets stuck working on powerpoint presentations (usually me) is the "powerpoint monkey."

[Northwoods Baby]

Code monkey like Cheetos. So does mama, so I sent Veggie Tings to school with Perp for Valentine's Day. The ONE item they got that wasn't a one-way ticket to Cornholioville, I'll wager.

She came home with a ton of cards, but I think they were from the older kids, since her classmates are all 3 years old and can't, you know, write. I hope so, anyway, or I totally dropped the ball. Again. I should be used to this by now, right? No? Oh. Okay.

[karen]

Oooh, I love that guy - especially 'Skullcrusher Mountain'.

"I made this half-pony half-monkey monster to please you
But I get the feeling that you don’t like it
What’s with all the screaming?
You like monkeys, you like ponies
Maybe you don’t like monsters so much
Maybe I used too many monkeys
Isn’t it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?"

[Dawn]

Dawn big, warm, fuzzy, secret heart Finslippy for link Code Monkey.