What happens.

This is what happens: I start out the week thinking, I'm going to post every day! On my happy happy blog! And all my nice readers will respond and we'll have a great dialogue going and then we'll all get together for s'mores!

You should know that my mind is crammed with exclamation points as well as flights of fancy that end in all of us making s'mores.

Did you all grow up making s'mores with your family? I do not recall making s'mores, ever. Which is odd because my mother has this strange, obsessive love of marshmallows. This is the kind of thing I would bug her about when I was right out of college and had just started therapy. "WHY DIDN'T WE EVER MAKE S'MORES," I would demand in another late-night post-emotional-revelation phone call. "I JUST THINK I WOULD BE HAPPIER IF WE HAD BEEN A S'MORES-MAKING KIND OF FAMILY."

Yes, so. I have all these high hopes for my blog, but then it's one of those weeks—those dreaded weeks when exactly nothing happens. Plus, could it be a more nondescript time of the year? I mean, maybe it's your birthday or it's the day you won that triathlon or the week you fell in love or found your pet possum or I don't know what. For me, anyway, this is pretty much the kind of week where all I can do is hunker down and wait. Especially when it snows--that's just insulting. We're gearing up for spring, and you're going to give us snow? Fuck you. Fuck you, weather. Yeah, you heard me. Fortunately (FOR THE WEATHER), the snow went away, and now we're left with this bitter cold—and oh, crap, I'm talking about the weather. Do you see? Do you see what I have spared you?

So then when my non-posting becomes, like, a thing , a thing in my twisted mind, my imagined readers grow restless, then hostile, and I think, I can't write just any old crap, I have to make it up to them, I have to hit it out of the ballpark, and then I picture my readers growling (you growl, in my mind) and shaking your s'mores sticks at me (are there sticks, when you make them? See, I don't even know) and demanding quality entertainment. This, of course, leads to total paralysis. Which then leads to this, my mortified re-entrance, my shuffle out onto the stage as you're all filing out, throwing your programs to the ground in disgust. Wait, don't leave! I've got a little number all worked out!

But enough about me. How's your week been? I've missed you.

Comments

[Ellen]

It's always nice to read your blog, you can even make weather interesting and funny. And just because you asked, my week's been fine. AND we're picking up our new puppy tonight! Yay!

[divinemissk]

we celebrated our 17th week of pregnancy this week and i've finally seemed to stop barfing! hooray!

[Monkee]

I KNOW I would be happier if my family had been a s'mores making family. Happier and flabbier and just a little bit sticky. =)

[Rhonda]

Somehow I suspect I know what you and Henry are making for afternoon snack today. :-)

I love toasted marshmallows and I adore chocolate-covered graham crackers. So you would think I would be a big Smore Whore. But not so much. But! Maybe sticks are the key! Maybe if you melt the chocolate chips on the graham crackers separately (because that takes for EVER, especially with a fire) and then toast the marshmallows on the sticks at the last screaming minute (because they toast way faster than the chocolate melts) you can get the ideal smore. I wonder if Alton Brown ever covered this topic?

I was one of those women who went into therapy after college and called my mother after my sessions a lot to weep and wail at her. I'm better now and I give my mom a LOT of credit for putting up with me.

My week? I've been sick and am slowly recovering. Bleah.

[Jemima]

God, I know. This is one of those weeks where even the exciting stuff becomes boring. Going out to dinner? The restaurant is too loud, so we all sit around in annoyed silence for two hours. Meeting with friends for knitting? Get a splinter the size of a 2x4 under a thumbnail and have to sit there glowering at all the happy sweater-makers. AND my doctor also says I have shrunk one inch and gained 10 lbs...in THREE MONTHS! WHAT THE HELL?

[Andrea]

Yeah, it's a boring time of year. BUT! My husband and I are going away for the weekend to ski, sit in a hot tub, and celebrate Mardi gras a month too late. So now it will be an exciting weekend! Hooryay!

No s'mores for my family either. I should have brought that issue up in therapy while I was in college. Dammit.

[JennyM]

Wait a minute. WE DIDN'T HAVE S'MORES EITHER!
This explains so much.

Delurking: I was JUST saying to a coworker that this time of year makes me want to hibernate, like a squirrel or a bear or something that hibernates, so that I could just wake up (skinny!) when it was finally time for something fun to happen again. Hell, not even "fun" -- just "something." So, yeah, blah.

[magpie]

We never had s'mores either. Though my mother talked about them, because she'd been a (gasp) girl scout. But we did toast marshmallows from time to time. A fine thing.

[Tammy]

My family made s'mores. With sticks, even, but there was still a messy divorce. Those stupid marshmallows didn't do jack shit. On the upside, it's frickin' freezing here in Boston.

[Taylor]

Oh my gosh, I'm your mom! Except that I'm only 24, so probably not actually your mom (what a surprise that would be, huh?!). But I always wanted my family to be a smores makin' family, and we never were. I'm a little bit hearbroken about it all. Me and your mom should hang out.

[sveedish]

I was a girl scout. You HAD to learn how to make s'mores in the scouting community (I believe there was a test at some point, or a badge. Probably a badge) and yes, there WAS a stick involved. Its purpose was to prevent your fingers/hand from integrating into the s'more configuration.

My week was pretty good. No snow being California and all. Best part: my son took his first steps yesterday!

Let's all celebrate by making s'mores!

[braine]

I was just thinking the same thing, essentially. Except not about s'mores. I was picturing having beer with everyone.

Of course, if my family had been the "hey, let's all have some BEER" kind of family while I was growing up, I can't even imagine what kind of mess it would have been. Probably like Monkee's family; heavy, sticky. Pukey.

Wait a second, that WAS us.

[Liesel Elliott]

My family made s'mores. ONCE. That's it. Only once. It was too much concentrated happiness in a food product for my family. But even now, with my own lovely little family that I created - I don't think I could even get my kid to try s'mores. Even though he likes and has eaten every thing that goes into them. But then, Daniel also thinks marshmallows make a great building material.

[Alyce]

Who needs s'mores when you have Mallomars?

I always enjoyed the toasting/roasting/setting on fire of the marshmallow but couldn't really get in to the messiness of the s'more.

As to your question: thanks for asking, Alice. I've been OK. Went to the Vagina Monologues last night for V-day and that was a hoot. I could say more, but why?

[You can call me, 'Sir']

Hearing (Watching? Reading? Meh?) you cuss out the weather dulled the pain of your absence.

Also, whenever I'm parked on your blog, I enjoy holding marshmallow-laden sticks directly in front of my laptop's "exhaust port" where all the heat generated by the gerbils running on the wheels behind the hard drive escapes. I then build the s'more and eat it while reading your words. So it's like we're having s'mores together.

Sort of.

Or not.

I'm just trying to help.

[Nicole]

I think that anyone who grows up in Montana (as I did) has to learn to make s'mores automatically. Like, if you want your Montana driver's license when you turn 15, you have to whip out a suitable marshmallow roasting stick, start a fire from available materials at the DMV, and commence to the s'more-making. Fail and you're stuck driving with Mom and Dad on dates for another six months. Nobody wants that.

[schmutzie]

Did you ever hit the nail on the head. Just before I read this post, I was thinking that I should declare Nothing To See Here Week, and check back next year to see if this week next year is just as lame.

[Jennifer]

We totally made s'mores. Not often, but we did. Camping, sometimes! In front of the fireplace, other times!

And now that you mention it, my parents are still married and I had an awesome, productive week. Here in the tropics where I have to put on my fleece when it goes down to 59 degrees.

[Pauses, contemplates, squeals down the driveway for marshmallows. You know, for the sake of the children.]

[jenB]

1) we never had s'mores EVER
2) my week sounds exactly like yours
3) i am weather obsessed, so I like climate talk.
4) my non-posting festers in my mind like 5 day old bread, or 7 day old bread or however long it has been since I posted. What I mean is, I feel stale.

[Sonja]

My week has been sort of like that. Except for the snow, because I've actually planted tomatoes and peppers and assorted seeds.
But as far as blogging goes... it's been a week of mindless memes. Sad, so sad. But not sad enough to make me want to turn off the computer and, like, do something. Not that sad.

[slouching mom]

I ask you: what is worse? To have been a never-had-smores kind of family, or to be me, trying through the slouching to be a good, nay great mom, putting the g-damn smores together this summer while camping, struggling to do so while gnats bite every piece of exposed skin I have granted them, only to find out that the kids DON'T LIKE THEM? They just want to eat the marshmallows straight out of the bag. Life is so anti-climactic sometimes.

I've had such a boring week that I blogged about HATS today. Yes, you heard me. HATS.

[silvermine]

Boring week here, except for everyone going to the doctor, it seems. 4 appointments, a trip to the er, and 4 prescriptions!

Nothing like an infant with pneumonia and a husband with sleep apnea induced migranes to make your week crappy.

[Dave]

People, people. S'mores are wonderful, don't get me wrong. But I think you are forgetting: this is the one time of year when you can have Peeps in your hot cocoa!

[heidi]

I swear, we in the audience never threw our programs on the floor or started to leave. We just waited patiently until the curtain rose because we love the way you make even the dismal weather into something funny. Apparently, we also love s'mores.

My favorite s'mores variation is to spread a generous layer of Nutella on the graham cracker. This skips the whole unmelted-chocolate problem and allows you to focus your attention on achieving a perfectly toasted marshmallow. Delish.

[Becky]

At least you have readers! Some of us are pathetically insecure over our post content and entertainment value, in spite of our lack of readership :)

I'd be more concerned about all that, but I'm keenly aware that I will never be half the writer that you and my other bloggy worshipees are on screen, and I'm ok with that. I'm way better inside my own head.

I'm not sure what all that has to do with you, but I spent way too long trying to come up with the word worshipee to delete it!

[Kara]

There are no sticks in my s'more memories (well, occasionally we did the dreamy thing of making them on the beach, and there's nothing better in the world than a s'more with a dash of sand. seriously. even PB&J tastes better when woefully hot via sitting in the sun all morning, then served with said dash of sand.) but definitely a microwave and the careful watching of a child to make sure the door was yanked open JUST AT THE POINT the mellow was going to explode.

[Anne]

I've made smores, it's not all that its cracked up to be. Especially when your kid either (a) won't eat the marshmellow because it got burned crackly, or (b) the marshmellow is gooping off the sides and she hates messy hands. Meh - more for me to eat and get fat!

As to the week, some friends and I are taking a herd of 5 year olds to the circus tomorrow. Do they make intravenous Advil?

[OMSH]

What the freak?
There was a program?
I didn't get a program.
Give me a stinkin' program!

[Anne]

PS, I vote for more caveman talk the next time you have nothing to write about. That was the most amusing round of responses I've read in a long time. :D

[Denise]

Glad to know I'm saving my boys' childhoods (is that the right plural) by being a s'more-makin-mom (S'MMM). But, you know, since they are only able to process one taste sensation at a time, they're only really interested in eating marshmallows. Or chocolate. Or graham crackers. Never all three at once.

[Jen]

So, I had JUST started reading your blog, when you decided to go on a short hiatus. This just gave me a chance to go back and catch up!
Glad you are back though. Can wait for more!!
Oh, and ps...We always had s'mores. I guarantee you, it did not necessarily make for a happier childhood, AND my seven year old son, Holden would tell you that they DEFINITELY do not make his childhood happier, as he dislikes them intensely.
I know. Where does this child come from?

[Mauigirl52]

As a former Girl Scout, I have many times participated in the S'Mores Experience. You have to put the marshmallow on a stick, burn it in the fire (it has to flame) and then you squeeze it between the two graham crackers and the Hershey bar. The molten hot marshmallow is what melts the Hershey bar.

My mother never made these at home. However, she was my Girl Scout leader so these were mom-related moments. However, don't ask about the complexities of your mom being the Girl Scout leader.

As for the weather - I am so with you. I do hibernate in the winter. But I don't get skinny. I get fatter. That's because instead of leaving my house I just eat more and stay home. I look at 10 degree weather in mid-March as a personal affront.

And on top of that I had a dentist appointment today and found out I have to have a crown. Thank God it's Friday at least.

[Lisa H]

This week has been dull compared to last week (when both my three-year-old and my dad had surgery on the same day), but there's been a convalescent in the house, so that's to be expected. We did make banana nut bread though. :)

S'mores: While we were not the outdoors type of family, my parents made sure that we kids went off with other people (girl scouts, church camps, etc) that went outdoors and made s'mores. That prolly says a lot about my family, doesn't it?

[SparklieSunShine]

I am right there with you about the weather. I was trying to think happy thoughts of spring and then the temperature dips way down crazy low and I awaken in the night with a cold nose.

Thanks a lot weather. I hate you too.

In any case I love your updates even when they are just to tell us you don't really have anything to say. You rock!

[Kate]

Oh Alice! You remembered that my birthday is next week. . . . Maybe I'll make s'mores in the microwave. I am a confirmed s'more whore.

[Meredith]

Delurking to say I had to get stretchmarks to get s'mores.
My family didn't make s'mores until I made my mom and dad grandparents.
Now they make 'em all time with big fancy camping forks because our children are too good for sticks. My kids run around their grandpa's summer place all hopped up on sugar while he complains about the "garbage" they're playing over at the community teen center and how he "didn't need to leave the city to hear this crap" while mom adds "bag of marshmallows" to the next day's shopping list.

[Summer]

I'm grateful to know that at least I've spared myself that painful "why didn't we make s'mores" conversation thirty years from now. Proof: http://flickr.com/photos/summerandcompany/285916455/

Moments before the above-linked photo was taken, my mother asked me, "how are you going to make s'mores over an open fire?" Thank goodness the woman was sensible enough to send me to Girl Scouts. How did you get turned on to 'em?

[Leslie]

I post every day on my happy happy blog and feel just like you do about trying to please my readers, except my readers don't really exist. I obsess about imaginary people. I guess that makes me kinda kooky.

[Jen]

Microwave s'mores are delicious. I highly recommend them. They don't get all crispy on the outside, but you can make them ANY. TIME!

[Lisa Milton]

S'mores are overrated. I haven't been able to go near one since the burnt marshmallow fiasco of 1979. (It is never fun to upchuck at Girl Scout camp. But there may be a campfire song, just in case.) I love it whenever you post.

[Kookaloomoo]

The highlight of MY week? My 18 month old woke up this morning saying "poop" and "potty", and when I brought her into the bathroom, she did just that. She also ate a whole can of mixed vegetables for dinner last night, so I'm not sure what to be happier about.

I would also SOOOOO like to hibernate until April. It certainly IS fricking cold in Boston...

[Jenn]

True s'mores are made over a fire, but they are also good microwaved. All of you that have never had s'mores, here you go:

S'MORES RECIPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ingredients:
2 sheets of plain graham cracker
1/2 a regular Hershey chocolate bar
2 large marshmallows

Directions:
Break each sheet of graham cracker in half, yielding 4 squares. Place on a microwaveable plate. Break chocolate in half, and place each piece on one of the graham squares. Place each marshmallow on top of the chocolate. Microwave on high for about 20-30 seconds, until the marshmallow fully expands. Moving quickly, smoosh each marshmallow with one of the untopped graham squares to make a sandwich.

Enjoy over a plate so you can lick up all the chocolate that drips out. Mmmm.

[Michele]

S'mores are such a part of the American comfort food experience that they actually have them at semi fancy schmancy restaurants now...don't know if any of you have been to a place that offers your very own table side s'more making experience, complete with a flaming receptacle and skewer sticks for the marshmallows. The fire is caused by this very toxic-looking blue gel--not exactly campfire material.

My week? I'm sick to death of teaching and will be so glad when this quarter is over.

[Moose]

S'mores are still my favorite dessert. This could be construed as startling infantilism or read as a cautionary tale. (My mother's idea of chocolate when I was young was carob. Note to lovely, healthy, well-intentioned mothers everywhere: CAROB IS NOT CHOCOLATE. Esp. since it doesn't melt particularly well, were it allowed to get anywhere near a marshmallow. Which it wasn't. Do you KNOW what marshmallows are made of?)

I'm sorry, that was a very long parenthetical that went completely off my point. My point: Get thee to some s'mores immediately. S'mores are the nectar of the sugar gods!

[the new girl]

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
GGRRRRRRRRRRRRR...

:)

[ashley]

I've made s'mores and love them...but the effort outweighs the pleasure. plus they're messy. I would rather someone make them for me.
BUT I LOVE your site, I just found it this week (via smittenkitchen) and I've laughed so hard I almost peed my pants...(especially the letters to four and a half!)
This week has been good. although yesterday I decided to paint my bathroom (first mistake) and fell OFF the sink, hit the toilet and fell in between the tub and toilet...thankfully, my padded arse prevented breakage...
TGIF. I need a drink!

[elise]

I like Smores, but I really dislike marshmallows. It seems that it would not work for me, and yet, it does.

How's that for interesting dialogue? I know, I am TOTALLY BLOWING YOUR MIND.

[Velma]

All of blogland, myself included, seems stumped by what to write this week.

How about we plan ahead for next year and declare the second week of March as "Close Up Your Blog and Sit Around Eating S'mores" week? Now we have a year to figure out the perfect s'mores recipe, along with concocting some signature martini drink that will accompany it nicely. And then next year? We'll have a whole week to sit around and drink and eat s'mores and feel like we are accomplishing something!

[Another Anna]

I'm handling Finslippy sabbaticals fairly well these days.

But before I wised up to bloglines, I'd click over here every day, and get a little edgy once it had been a week or so. It was not a healthy state of affairs. So thanks to bloglines, you don't have to feel guilty and I don't have to feel pathetic. Huzzah.

[Sarah in Michigan]

Dear god, do I love me some finslippy!
Irregardless of the topic, be it weather or food item (what do you think of Spam?)
I can't remember making s'mores with the fam but at any bonfire worth going to there had better be smore's...and this time of year sucks!!! It's not spring in Michigan until what, mid april? Ugh.
Oh, and grrr, baby, grrrr!