Hi, I'm panicky.

What's with me? With the not-posting? I have no excuses. Actually I have an entire rucksack full of them, but I will spare you.

First of all, I have been terribly remiss regarding informing you of my Wonderland posts. New posts here and here. Also, there's also an interview with me in the videos, under "Keyboard Confidential" (which I would link to if I could figure out how), in which I murmur and look an awful lot like my late Irish grandmother. All I need is a Manhattan and wispy blue hair, and I could scare the shit out of my father.

Now marvel as I abruptly change the subject. Aaaaand… go!

I've always lacked confidence regarding my ability to move through space. There was the Bike-Learning Failure of '73-'78, the Roller Skating Catastrophe of '79, the Uneven Bars Horror of '83. And then there was driving. I never had the slightest interest in driving, except inasmuch as it could get you places, and I liked places. I had never even sat in a driver's seat, when I found myself in just such a seat, my foot on the pedal, in a driver's ed car, careening down Main Street. I don't remember much from driver's ed, but I do recall a lot of screaming, most of it not coming out of my own mouth. I may have hit a few things. Not surprisingly, I failed. I took Driver's Ed all over again. I passed, but barely. I failed the driver's test. I figured that this was a sign that I should be chaffeured everywhere, but my parents made me take it again. I passed, but just slightly.

Then I moved away, away from the Land Where Everyone Drove, and that was that for twenty years. For twenty years I haven't had to drive. I think I drove a few times in college, when my a cappella group (don't laugh) went on tour. There was a familiar screaming sound, when I did that. My fellow a cappella mates stopped asking me to drive. I moved to the city, where no one had cars. I was all set.

But then I moved here. Figuring I would get used to driving, I moved to this place. And I did, mostly. I was a little sweaty-palmed for the first couple of months, but now I can get around town without a problem. Then I tried to drive on the highway.

And I completely freaked out.

Without going into too much detail about it because reliving it makes me want to die, here was how much I was freaking out: my vision tunneled. I was fairly certain that I was going to throw up on myself. I lost all feeling in my arms. My hands were sweating so badly that they were slipping off the steering wheel. My hearing went all funny. Then I started crying, which, in addition to the tunnel vision, made it awfully hard to see. I got off at the nearest exit.

I was probably on the highway for ten or fifteen minutes. That was one year ago.

I know what you're going to say. I can hear you saying it. Highway driving is scary, you're saying. You have to keep on trying! It's a skill! You'll get better! Do you always use all those exclamation points, when you're talking?

What we have here is not a lack of confidence—well, okay, it IS a lack of confidence, but also it is a fear that grips so tightly to me that I can no longer reason. I've tried driving on the highway a couple of times since then. I've tried to work through it. I did some cognitive behavioral therapy, I learned about dealing with panic and breathing the right way and I tried talking myself through the panic, blar de blar, and I am here to tell you that I cannot. I don't want to sound defeatist, here, but all the talking to myself and breathing just makes me calm enough that I don't run off the road and run screaming from the car. I can manage it, but I still get the numbness and the tunnel vision and the nausea—and the sweating, don't forget the sweating!—and I feel absolutely dreadful.

I tried going on the Garden State Parkway last week. My panic was so intense that I was nauseated for days afterward. It was like I had been poisoned. Why would I put myself through that again? Except, you know, for all the really smart reasons, like I need to get around and do things and be independent and GOD SHUT UP WITH YOUR REASONABLE ATTITUDE.

I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean it. It's the fear, is all. It's got ahold of me.

All of this is leading up to one question, which is: what do you think of hypnosis? Anyone? Anyone?

Comments

[Assertagirl]

I think that if I had a real phobia that prevented me from doing things and being independent that I'd be willing to try anything, provided it wasn't too super-expensive. I say give it a shot.

[Cat]

I think hypnotherapy can be effective.

I know exactly nothing about psychology in general. But I do know that I used to have pretty bad panic attacks on airplanes, which sucked, given that I like exotic places (like Delaware) once I get there. And the panic attacks just seemed to build on themselves. So I actually took medication for a while, that would knock me out when I got panicky (so probably not a good idea for highway driving) and it broke that bad cycle of getting more and more anxious. Now I can fly without medicine, and while I don't love it, I am much better at just dealing with it. Maybe hypnosis would help you break your panic cycle?

[Rivetergirl]

Yeah, sure, try hypnotherapy. It can't hurt, right? OK, maybe it could hurt, but it's better than driving off the highway and running away. So I say, give it a whirl and let us know what you find.

[dregina]

From the American Cancer Society website. That means it was written by doctors! They're smart.
"Many reports demonstrate that hypnosis can help patients reduce blood pressure, stress, anxiety, and pain for some period of time. Hypnosis can create relaxing brain wave patterns, although reports on how much it helps change to behaviors such as smoking, alcohol consumption, and overeating are mixed. Hypnosis can be used by therapists as a tool to help eliminate or decrease the strength of phobias. Research has also shown that hypnosis can help reduce anticipatory nausea.........Hypnosis done under the care of a professionally trained hypnotherapist is generally considered safe."

[lindsey]

We learned about hypnosis in dental school, where we regularly deal with people who are terrified of everything. Not a quack dental school either, a real one! We can take a class on it. It is an officially approved method of dealing with anxiety, and is effective for about 80% of our patients. I don't know how it applies to your situation, but it's definitely worth a try!

[Brooke]

Sure, try hypnosis, but is there any way you can just not drive on the highway?

If it's that bad, it's that bad. Poor girl. You have my sympathies.

[Deb on the Rocks]

There is a technique that was 100 X more effective than hypnosis for me called EMDR. I think that more important than the technique, though, is the practitioner. If it were me, (and it has been, for different stuff), find the most respected anxiety therapist you can afford, and go with their suggestions for intervention if they make sense with your gut intuition. (Geez, now the masthead is making more sense to me.)

[hello insomnia]

I doubt I'd be a good hypotherapy candidate just because I'm too skeptical. I guess it's just like any therapy--you have to want help to receive help.

And I rarely drive on the highway just because I drive like an old person and it's nerve-wracking dealing with cars going 80 mph.

[raych]

AH hahaha. Usually, all I do with your posts is read them and laugh, but today I RESONATED! I am 25, with no license present and no license looming. I have always lived where there are busses, and skytrains, and where do I need to go that I have to drive? Except, yes, there are places, and I, too, like places, but for the most part I was able to work around these things. Many people, when they hear I can't drive, think to themselves out loud 'Oh, I can teach you' and sometimes I let them. This is often short-lived; I have hit many trees, and even a building. There's no real point to this comment, I guess hypnosis might work but I'd hate to recommend it and then have you come out thinking you're Liz Taylor, cause MAN! That is messing with your MIND! I really just wanted to emphatically relate to your driving experiences.

[Kristine]

I can totally sympathize, because I too have a bit of a driving phobia. It started out with one driving condition, then eventually branched out into basically all conditions but sitting in my driveway. :-) What helps me a lot is looking for a potential "out" if I need it, like a shoulder to pull off on or a close exit; staying in the right-hand lane even if I'm behind a totally slow person, thus giving myself permission to not feel rushed; and basically just talking to myself and telling myself not to freak out! Also, I've found that the more I drive through an area that freaks me out, the less afraid of it I get. I actually was in therapy for this problem, and my therapist basically told me that I'll never get over it unless I make myself deal with the anxiety and realize that though, yeah, it's uncomfortable as all hell, I'm not going to DIE from the anxiety or anything (though sometimes I have doubted this). Basically, I guess the key is to expose yourself to the situation and confront your anxiety head-on. Have I been completely successful with this? Nope, but I have gotten over a good deal of my fear and am able to function SOMEWHAT normally. Best of luck to you! I know how much this sucks!

[Deb]

Oh Alice, that is huge and hard. i HATE panic sweaty tunnel visiony ickiness.

I think hypnotherapy is a great thing to try AND i second the reccomend for EMDR.

Keep trying things....

[tara]

I totalled my dad's brand new car on the day I got my driver's license (yes I'm that kind of a dumbass) After that I didn't drive for about a year, and I didn't drive on highways for another five. I would freak out whenever I got in heavy traffic or had to merge onto a highway. I got better by going a little bit futher every time. I eventually got over it completely by forcing myself to drive alone to another state--busy highways the entire way. Hypnosis might work faster. It's worth a go if it means you'll have your independance

[mototmama]

I third the EMDR rec. Many people have found relief from it, as hokey as it sounds. I had this problem w/the subway and got some behavioral therapy for it, but basically I had to ride with my face pressed up against the glass...and would go one stop and get off....and do this for a week. and then go 2. I say small steps. Go from pt A to pt B and get comfortable with it and then add on some distance. I also realized that I was afraid of passing out, but it never occured to me that I never did. The worst thing that could happen is that you have to pull over, and sit and wait for it to pass, and it will.

[mostcurious]

I am not a very good driver. I am not a visual person, and feel this leads to my general failure as driver.

However, I do not have the anxiety you do. I'd say, if it's not expensive, give it a shot. It's not likely to make your driving experiences any WORSE, even though it may fail to make them better.

[mosker]

I do know someone who underwent hypnosis for panic attacks that left him nearly incapacitated. It apparently took only one session for him to be able to start driving again and get back out in the world.

[Julie]

Normally I'd say try vodka first. Or scotch. But that's probably not appropriate for this particular fear.

Hmm...

I guess hypnosis it is.

[Jen]

I HATED driving in New Jersey. 78 in the Hunterdon County area is scary, when all of the tractor trailers start wizzing by you while you are coming down the hill near Jugtown Mountain, they get right on your butt because you are not on meth and are driving at a reasonable speed. It is enough to make you shit your pants.

hun

[Jessie Mae]

I am totally with you on the freeway/highway driving fears! And I live in Southern California, where it causes even bigger hassles I suspect.

If it makes you feel any better, I recently opted to take the 2 1/2 hour side street route rather than the 1/2 hour freeway route to a doctor's appointment. And it was still kind of scary.

[Katy, aka EightyKaty]

Maybe you should go to one of those expensive race car driving schools. Once you've gotten semi used to that then the highway will seem like a cakewalk. Sorry, probably not much help. I could use a little less confidence while driving on the highway. I earned my nickname when I had only been driving a couple of years and it is still relevant. That is just where the car feels good to me. 80.

[JustLinda]

The problem with hypnosis... well, what if your real deep-rooted fear is that someone will make you quack like a duck without your valid and aware consent and you'd have no memory of it?

What about THAT dilemma?

People like me, um, I mean like those people are just shit out of luck. It's very sad, really.

But I definitely think it's worth trying for you. Good luck!

[Shannon]

Hypnosis will work as long as you truly want to get over your fear—nothing will change if your sub-conscious isn't on board. I've not been through it myself, but I have close friends who've been through hypnotherapy (with great success!)

If it's a comfort, you'll never be asleep or unconscious during a session. You are always in complete control. You've got nothing to lose by trying it, I say.

Geez. Sorry for the geek out. I just find the topic fascinating. Good Luck!

[divinemissk]

hi alice-
have you considered first trying out guided imagery programs? a great resource is www.healthjourneys.com with Belleruth Naparstek. i've been using the healthy pregnancy and successful childbirth recordings and i'm confident they will help me through childbirth (which hopefully will happen and second now- i week overdue). i worked with a guided imagery specialist in college who helped me with asthma, allergies and anxiety- it's been 8 years but i still break out those tapes every once in a while.

there is a difference between hyonosis and guided imagery- you may have even used guided imagery with your cognitive therapist. instead of telling you that you will no longer fear something (hypnosis), guided imagery gives you tools to create a comfort zone for yourself- including breathing, physical position (ie clasping your hands a certain way can give you a feeling of comfort) and creating a "safe place" that you can envision in your mind.

here is a woman who has a similar driving phobia and what helped her:
http://www.healthjourneys.com/archivesSingle.asp?aid=1201

most recordings can be downloaded to your ipod.

i also always carry bach's rescue remedy (available at most health food stores) with me to help with anxiety- a few spritzes on the tongue and some deep breathes really can help me deal with things that trigger my anxiety (but not always). i'm not saying it is that easy, just spray a little flower essence on your tongue and problem solved, but every little bit helps, i think...

hope this helps!

[nadarine]

chiming in on the "eh, why not try it?" brigade- if you're really, really uncomfortable in hypnosis, you can stop, and then just not drive on the highway.
But you might get to do cool things in hypnotherapy, too, like discovering your secret superpower.
"ok, Alice, I think we've worked through your highway issues for today. Anything else you want to do while we're here?"
"Yes. I'd like to gain x-ray vision and the power of flight, please."

[maria]

I've EMDR'd and I recommend it as well. I haven't done hypnosis, but it's obviously got plenty of support and admiration. Heck, why not give 'em both a whack?

Seriously, you should probly follow Deb's advice and find a therapist who you trust and let them make a recommendation. It's totally doable to overcome this fear, and then you can go wherever you want!

[kate]

I know a woman who did it to quit smoking. She went a bit wacky and when she called the hypnotist guy back he told her to start smoking again... of course, I'm not sure how much you can believe her and the guy she saw didn't sound very reputable.

I'm sure you've thought of this, but just an idea: have you tried doing the highway very very early in the morning when it's just getting light but there's barely anyone on there? Could that help with the confidence? Not so many speeding cars and all?

[Barbara]

I know someone who swears by hypnotherapy. I have a very very clever shrink friend who raves about EMDR. I know someone else who taps her meridian points.

I vote for anti-anxiety meds like Klonopin (low dose!), short-term, to get you off the adrenaline misery while you start to do any or all of the above.

[haus]

Hey, it worked for me for labor. I say go for it! I've had cognitive/behavioral therapy for panic attacks, too. The self-hypnosis training for labor felt like a deeper version of therapy. More focused. If relaxation exercises were part of your behavioral stuff, it'll be familiar. The hypnosis is more effective, though.

I'll be using my past training tomorrow for my own personal panic-invoking situation - the annual gyn exam. It's horrible to be completely terrified of something other people can do without blinking.

[falwyn]

I have nothing to add. Except - you were in an a cappella group! Cool!

[Nicole]

Again, I have to recommend EMDR. Also, an ativan or two before getting on the highway.

[Tess]

Halfway through this post, hypnosis is EXACTLY what I thought of. It will definitely help, if not solve the whole problem.

[Cynthia]

The recent Henry post hit home, as it made me realize that HEY, I'M NOT THE ONLY POOPHEAD MOM OUT THERE! Sometimes I wonder why I even try....every single time I (am stupid enough to) make a comment such as, "wow, the sky sure is blue today!" I hear back (even though what I have stated is true), a very emphatic and condescending, "NO IT'S NOT." I hate to break it to you, but he's 10 now. I'm debating between military school and learning a really effective backhand, but the backhand might get me thrown in jail if I use it well enough...
Anyhoo, now your driving post, which echoes exactly my driving phobia (only I HAVE to do it, 70 miles RT every week, and I panic about it for days beforehand), made me think "I HAVE A TWIN!" and now I wonder if you stole my life.

[goodsandwich]

I panic about driving too (except I refused to take driver's training, I don't have a license, and I won't drive period now). For me, I really think it's that driving is one of those unnatural things that my body simply will not allow me to do. Why it will let me type on a computer and eat Ding Dongs I don't know, but at least it protects me from driving.

The funny part is that, consciously at least, I am not frightened of dying in a firey crash. Oh no, I am afraid that I will bang into other cars in an unfixable cosmetic way and then their drivers will be MAD AT ME. Or even worse, that I will take too long making decisions (like whether to turn etc), similarly getting people mad at me. Oh what a paralyzing fear, apparently.

I just hope that my subconscious has much better reasons than that for preventing my driving.

[libbyfish]

i don't have any advice... but when you sort that out, let me know. i just moved from manhattan to london. not only have i not driven in ten years i have never driven on the wrong side of the road, wrong side of the car and on roads that are more suitable for horse drawn carriages. everyday i am convinced my heart is going to explode on my way to work. i haven't even tried getting on the expressway. cardiac arrest would be imminent.

[Chive]

Libbyfish, driving in London is ok once you get used to it. The traffic is mostly so slow moving that you have plenty of time to work out which lane you want to be in etc. I'm not scared of collisions because no one has the chance to get any speed up, and so couldn't do much damage. It just takes ages to get anywhere which is really frustrating. Having said all that, I nearly always use public transport because a)I can b)parking in London is a nightmare.

Am I the only person ever who took to driving on motorways easier than driving in towns? On motorways everyone's going the same way, you only have to watch out for people changing lanes unexpectedly and your exit, there's nothing else there. In towns, there's so much more to look out for like pedestrians and traffic lights and sudden one-way systems and entire primary schools crossing the road and I don't know, everything. Anything could happen. I reckon you're underestimating the hardwon skills you have already and use all the time in town. The highway is actually much simpler, just faster moving. I admit I've never driven in the US so it might be that driving in towns is mysteriously way easier than over here. In which case I apologise for talking out of my arse.

[Chive]

Oh and go with the hypnotherapy. I completely believe in your skills - I'm not a natural driver either, and I really do find it easier than driving in populated areas. But I also know myself how disabling fear can be. And the beating yourself up about the fear, and all that other crap that can come with it. So look after yourself and do stuff that helps with fear.

[liz]

I'm the same way about heights. Granted, it's a bit easier to avoid heights than it is to avoid freeways. Anything taller than a dining room chair makes me dizzy. The thought of a roller coaster makes me feel faint. I love the fast, just not the up and down. Shudder shudder.

Good luck!

[bubblewench]

You're driving in Jersey? NO wonder you're freaked out. Jersey is the WORST. Don't mean to scare you more, but I've been doin Jersey for 20+ years, and I still HATE to drive there!

Good luck with this. I know it's not easy. I have a 33 yo hubby who has never had a license, same reasons. I think if you try the hypnotist way and it works for you, I'm sending Hubby. I'm tired of being chauffer.

[Karen S]

Another British resident writes:

Several people I know have had problems driving on motorways and have been helped by taking a couple of extra driving lessons, sometimes decades after getting their license.

As a learner-driver, you're not allowed to drive on motorways until you pass your test, so a lot of people freak out when they finally find themselves driving on multiple lanes at higher speeds.

What about having some hypnotherapy in conjunction with some supervised, specific coaching from an expert instructor?

If driving schools works the same way over there as they do here, you could call an instructor and she/he could possibly even recommend a local hypnotherapist who has helped their previous clients, as well as being pretty experienced with dealing with people in your exact same situation.
(Obviously, if things work totally differently over there, then I apologise for the totally redundant information.)

As for hypnosis itself (and as a sceptic), I found it worked the first time, but not the second. For me, the key is:
a) be fairly certain it could work (so find someone who has clearly been helped by it), and
b) find a therapist who isn't going to spout ancillary nonsense you won't believe in, (preferably recommended to you by someone with similar beliefs to your own).

Best of luck, Alice.

[Weeze]

I, too, moved from a land of driving to a land of not-driving lo these twenty years ago. I, too, failed my driver's test the first time. I do not own a car. I do belong to Zipcar, and needed to get to Vermont two weeks ago, so I rented a nice Mini Cooper from the garage on St. Marks. I had the vague idea that my disinclination to drive would have magically melted away as I got older.

Well! I'm here to tell you that the automobile is a ridiculous method of transportation. Why on earth do I need to be in charge of that much machinery? Ever? Which doesn't help your immediate problem, I know. Hypnosis might well work. But *you're* the sane one, trying to fit into a slightly insane paradigm.

[Operation Pink Herring]

I had to drive on the GSP last weekend, and I nearly had a panic attack -- and I grew up in NJ, the land where everyone drives. I normally don't have problems with highways. But the people on the parkway are out of their minds.

Hynotherapy helped my mom quit smoking, go for it.

[Megan]

I thought I had a major driving phobia - so I refused to learn until I was 18, didn't even consider getting a license while in Europe, and had a nice sweaty panic attack when finding myself on Central avenue the first time I timidly set off to do a trial run around the block. Then I found myself having to drive - no excuse, no other way to do things - and realized I actually like it. The phobia, it turns out, was a gift from my mother who honestly does deeply fear cars and, when I was growing up, plotted all of our driving routes to have nothing but right turns.

I have a new phobia now - I get to try to teach Child 1 to drive!

[Parks]

Driving in New Jersey sucks! As does the entire 95 corridor. But NJ is especially crazy. In the last few years I've developed some heavy-duty anxiety with highway driving, even if I am the passenger.

Then this summer, I had to drive myself (in my brother's car) to northern New Jersey from DC and back for my grandparents' 60th anniversary. I very nearly couldn't do it - at the last second my extended family was offering to come to Newark if I flew/train/took the bus.

But I did it - after talking to a very kind friend several times - because I was worried if I didn't that would be it. I'd never go anywhere long distance in a car again.

So - I left at a ridiculously early hour, listened to books on tape, stopped as much as I needed to, and got there and back in one piece.

I still hate it, and it makes me anxious, but now I know I can do it, which makes the fear seem like I could wrestle it and pin it down occasionally.

Meanwhile, I can continue to walk to work!

As for the hypno - go for it if you think it might help!

[Meg]

I didn't learn to drive until I was 21, and I actually got over my driving anxiety when I was in an accident. I stopped at a red, the guy behind me thought it meant speed up, and when I got out of the crunched metal of my car, completely uninjured, I felt "Huh. Well, that wasn't so bad." I wouldn't really recommend that way, though.

[Kizz]

Alice, try the hypnosis but pick someone who is really good and invested in helping you figure this out in the long-term. I'd suggest my friend, Julie, who is just incredibly good at all the types of healing that she does. (Sorry, I don't know how to make the link pretty.)

http://www.julieflanders.com/healing/

[A Joker]

Course you could always just have my good friend Jack Daniel drown the fear before you drive. I know lots of people that's helped.

Seriously, though. If you think hypnosis will help, it generally will. Give it a shot.

[ie]

Personally, I would recommend EFT. It is a wonderful form of meridian tapping that works on all kind of things -- phobias being one thing it works Really well on. Check it out. www.emofree.com

[Nicky]

I second EightyKaty's (great nickname btw) suggestion of going to a racecar school, or at least a defensive driving course. This is where you learn to really handle your car, do handbrake turns, etc all in a totally safe place with an instructor who won't push you past what you're comfortable with.

The hypnosis is a good idea but as well as being calm, you need to gain confidence in your ability to handle the car, and that's what this will do for you. Please, do check it out.

[thistle]

So, I normally just lurk here, but I have to comment on this one because apparently you are my driving twin. I too failed driver's ed, took it again and barely passed (though I didn't fail the test because the driver's ed instructor strongly advised that I not take it). Then at age 25 I took private lessons at great cost and finally got my license. I then drove my boyfriend's car by myself for the first time and managed to hit not one but two parked cars, and then gave up the whole driving thing as a failed experiment. Then at 26 I moved out of the city, where you never need to drive, to Vermont, where it became apparent that I had to learn to drive if I wanted to keep my relationship alive, and I bought a car. I wouldn't have done it for anything less; it really took a sense of absolute urgency to get me back behind the wheel, and even now that I've been driving between Burlington and Boston and back about every two weeks all year, I still spend all day before I have to do it trying not to throw up. So if I were you, yeah, I'd try hypnosis. And let us all know if it works, because if it does, I'm following you there.

[Amy]

The GSP is not a highway.. it is the 7th layer of hell.

MY G-D, I love to drive and I despise the GSP. The lanes are so narrow, it turns a ton, and every driver is on a cell phone while drinking coffee, text-messaging, and doing a trial run for the Indy 500. It is one scary, scary road. I am a fast driver. I am a great driver. I like road trips. But my advice to you is AVOID THE GSP at all costs. There are other ways to get wherever you are going. Trust me.

[Pam]

I too lurk on this website. But you know, it is really nice to know that so many people out there have a fear of driving. For such a long time I felt inferior to everyone else because I waited to get my license. Mostly I just didn't want to do it. I have no desire to drive. Even now that I have conquered most of my fears, I still hate driving. If you think about it, we should be scared to drive. From these comments most of us are freaked out paranoid drivers as it is. My big fear here is that I DON'T want to get into an accident. So if hypnosis is something that will help you be a less paranoid driver and keep you and others around you safe, then go for it!