Here I am! Here!

Desperate for something to write about today, I Googled my name, hoping beyond hope that perhaps my doppelganger Voodoo Vixen Alice Bradley (link NSFW) was up to something more exciting than I. What I found is so much more puzzling—the following New York Times article, dated September 2nd, 1903. It reads, in part:

HER MOTHER NOT ESTRANGED. ------- Alice Bradley's Parent Supports Her in Suit Brought by Mrs. Quintard.

STAMFORD, Conn., Sept. 2. –Homer S. Cummings, counsel for Alice Bradley, whose circus elephant was attached yesterday, denied to-day the reports that have been published to the effect that there was an estrangement between Miss Bradley and her mother. He said such reports were utterly untrue, and that Mrs. A. H. Scofield, who is Miss Bradley's mother, had stood by her daughter through all the difficulties Alice had met with…

Okay, can we back up, New York Times? What's this you say about a circus elephant? Is this a turn of phrase used in the early 20th century? "They really attached her circus elephant, if you can discern my meaning, sir"? Like that? I'm struggling to understand, New York Times. I wish you would footnote your archives.

Further research (done hurriedly, as the midnight hour approacheth) found another NYT article, this one titled ALICE BRADLEY GARNISHEED. Apparently Alice Bradley was sued for $50,000 for alienating one Charles E. Quintard's affections. Is this Mrs. Quintard's husband? Son? No one will say. Adding insult to injury, there was no mention of the circus elephant in this one.

In conclusion, why don't people these days have names like Homer S. Cummings? This is a failing of ours that I believe warrants further discussion. Finally, what's up with not hyphenating "today" any more? I think we should bring it back. I am bringing it back to-day! Who's with me?

Comments

[Joe]

Lets-go-back-to-Alice-Bradley-Voodoo-Vixen

[LetterB]

M-oi!

[All Adither]

And to-night too.

[Claire]

Charles Quintard is totally Mrs. Quintard's husband... In addition to suing, Mrs. Quintard ended up pressing criminal charges against Charles for "unlawfully living" with Alice Bradley. Apparently, once she got her money from Alice, she was expected to drop the criminal charges against Charles... and then Charles and Alice were free to marry and live happily ever after.

I couldn't find anything else about the circus-elephant, though.

[Alison]

Oh, it's quite an interesting story! How does one get into the business of funding circus elephants, do you think?

"ELEPHANT ON THE RAMPAGE. Thrusts His Tusk Through the Thigh of Circus Proprietor and Escapes to a Marsh. J. B. Goodrich, the senior partner in the Goodrich & Quintard Circus, which has been showing in North Bergen, N. J., for the last two weeks, was gored yesterday afternoon by the elephant which has been the main feature of the show. This is the circus with which Miss Alice Bradley of Stamford, Conn., who created a sensation by eloping with Quintard, is said to be connected, and for which she is said to furnish most of the money that runs it. Mr. Goodrich was passing the elephant while he was waiting to be taken into the ring, and had his back to the beast, when without warning the pachyderm reached out his trunk and, catching the man, drew him back, hurling him heavily to the ground, and jabbed him with, one of his tusks. The tusk had been sawed recently, but not capped, and the ivory was driven clean through Mr. Goodrich's left thigh, making a hole five inches across where it entered and one three inches across it emerged on the other side of the hip. The elephant instantly withdrew the tusk, and was about to stamp on Goodrich, when one of the circus employees jabbed the animal with a pitchfork and drove him away. The elephant, not shackled at the time, ran out of the grounds and to a swamp, where he disported himself for two hours before he was recaptured. The small crowd present fled- when learned -what had taken place. Mr. Goodrich was taken to the North Hudson Hospital, where the wound was dressed. The doctors fear that blood poisoning will set in,"
and that's all they have.

[jozet at Halushki]

To-morrow I shall begin!

And here's to hoping your "circus elephant" remains "unattached", Ms. Alice Bradley.

Wink, wink, say no more, say no more.

[jozet at Halushki]

Here's to hoping your "circus elephant" remains "unattached", Ms. Bradley.

wink wink, say no more, say no more!

[jenB]

This literally made me snort. In a funny way, since this was funny, but also painful, since i was drinking cranberry juice.

[alice]

Wait, Alice Bradley's elephant went on a rampage? My life is not nearly as interesting. Not a single one of animals has ever rampaged. NOT ONE.

[kyran]

this is awesome. I think you should just assume the former alice Bradley's identity from here on out.

[Strizz]

I gave the baby an old school name. Margaret-Mary Elizabeth. I almost names my cat Hazel. heh

[Mrs. Who]

I guess they never considered someone would be reading that article years in the future and wonder what the heck was going on. Circus elephant, indeed.

[MeL]

Does anyone else read too much Agatha Christie and wonder if Alice and Quintard secretly trained the elephant to attack Mr. Goodrich? I mean, wife out of the way, partner out of the way, and they'd be free to live happily ever after AND have full control of the circus.

And, I mean, who WOULDN'T want total control of the circus? What with the obviously killer ninja elephants and whatnot.

[witchypoo]

I might want to write to-day, but my punctuation skills are non-existant (another one! I can retire now)

[Kristabella]

The only things I come up with when I Google my name are doctors and/or really smart people, or a chick who was in the Donner party.

[alice]

The ONLY things? Someone in the Donner party? That is not an only thing, my friend. Did she eat anyone? I bet she did.

[Kate C.]

I swear, I thought the attached elephant must be a typo. But it's not a typo. I yearn to understand the meaning of attached elephants.

[superblondgirl]

I wish my name came up in such wonderful google results. Elephants! To-day! Attachment!!

[not a typo.]

The elephant was attached in the financial sense, as in, if Miss Bradley didn't pay Mrs. Quintard she would take the elephant (or its price at auction) instead. Elephants are VALUABLE. Plus, without the centerpiece of the show, Mr. Quintard and his paramour couldn't very well run away to the circus, could they?