Pop quiz!

If your child can have y, can he have y+1? Y+1 with a cookie? With two cookies? Why not? Why is Y okay but Y+1 not okay? Providing supporting arguments for your answers on a separate sheet of paper, if necessary.

If a nonsense phrase is sung repeatedly at X intervals, and the listener will go insane after a certain number of minutes, how many minutes prior to that point should the nonsense-phrase-singing be halted? Keeping in mind that maybe the nonsense-phrase-singing is fun to the singer and anyway it's keeping him out of your hair? And how do you stop the singing, anyway? Here's some graph paper for you.

Can your child have some candy during the movie? If you don't want to discuss it now, when do you want to discuss it? When can you have the candy discussion? If you're going to have that discussion in an hour, why can't you have it now? Why is an hour better than now? What time is it now? Is it almost time for that discussion? Why are you running away?

If you enjoy an activity and know your child would also enjoy it, your child will refuse to participate in it or discuss it, ever, for eternity. Explain the logic of this statement.

EXTRA CREDIT: Your child is finally back at school, and now you miss him. Make sense of that one, if you can.

Comments

[Lara]

Have you been peeking in my windows? Wow, does that ever hit home! Just wait until you have another one and they're BOTH doing it and ganging up on you in the pursuit of driving you insane. Yowee. Thanks for a laugh, though - great post!

[The Casual Perfectionist]

Oh, I think I know these!

The answers are:
1. B
2. Purple
3. The blue train will get to Chicago 30 minutes before the red train will get to Peoria.
4. True

And, the answer to the bonus question is: Because more than likely, your son will have a child of his own one day. >:)

[SuburbanCorrespondent]

Some days with the kids, I feel I am being nibbled to death by ants. Really slowly.

[SuburbanCorrespondent]

Some days with the kids I feel I am being slowly nibbled to death by ants. Really slowly.

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

Oh how I feel for you. One word. Okay two. Teenager. Someday. You ain't seen nothin' yet!

[Elizabeth Malcolmson]

SC -- have you seen this plaque:
http://www.americanmadepottery.com/Having-Kids-Is-Like-Being-Pecked-p/rpmm2778p.htm

Occasionally, I have to say, "I can't have this conversation -- I didn't go to law school. Just do it because I asked you to. Thanks."

[Slim]

I have answers to all of them, but I am not inclined to give them, because I believe with every fiber of my being that I will just be interrupted in midsentence with whiny objections to my point. You come back and ask again when you're ready to listen.

[kat]

can i have advance notice of future tests? so i can make sure to ditch class? thanks.

[Karen C.]

A-fricking-men. That's all I have to say.

[karen]

A. If I offer you y and you ask for y+1, the original y offer is off the table and you have no chance for the +1, either. If you whine about this, go sit in time-out.

B. Apply iPod earphones to yourself or the singer as required for the situation.

C. If you need an immediate answer to a question I am not prepared to answer at this time, the answer is no. If I ask you to wait for an answer and you pester by asking again, the answer is no. If you wait patiently, you know you will get candy in the movies because Mama likes a little chocolate with her popcorn and all that sugar and salt need some Sour Patch Kids to go along.

D. Just wait until your child turns this back around claiming, when he is a teenager, that you are horrible because you NEVER let him engage in this activity while growing up.

[HeyJoe]

Dearest Alice,

The complexities of parenting in a neatly tied little blog post. A difficult task, and yet managed so eloquently.

Hating math,
Joe

[karen]

A. If I offer you y and you ask for y+1, the original y offer is off the table and you have no chance for the +1, either. If you whine about this, go sit in time-out.

B. Apply iPod earphones to yourself or the singer as required for the situation.

C. If you need an immediate answer to a question I am not prepared to answer at this time, the answer is no. If I ask you to wait for an answer and you pester by asking again, the answer is no. If you wait patiently, you know you will get candy in the movies because Mama likes a little chocolate with her popcorn and all that sugar and salt need some Sour Patch Kids to go along.

D. Just wait until your child turns this back around claiming, when he is a teenager, that you are horrible because you NEVER let him engage in this activity while growing up.

[Susannah]

I think I might need a tutor.

But seriously--how have you managed to make math fun? Seriously, great post!

[Tara]

Okay, maybe it's just because my son is not 3 yet and still has some work to do in the language development arena (i.e. it's hard for him to drive me totally batshit with his words just yet), but I LOVE to hear him make up silly songs.

Last night when he was supposed to be going to sleep, we could hear him playing with his June doll (Little Einsteins; she sings the tune from "Blue Danube" when you press her belly), and my first thought was: that doll's coming out of there in 5, 4, 3, . . . BUT THEN, he started singing the last "la LA" of each phrase with her, and I melted at the utter cuteness. The end.

Awesome post. Thanks!

[Linda]

The thought of graph paper can still make me really really nervous.
The universal answer, though -- "To hold your pants up."

[Rivetergirl]

"Because I said so." is the answer to all of the above. It's a sucky answer but it's better than a mom-head explosion.

Also go to mimi smartypants at smartypants.diaryland.com. She invented a secret hand gesture with her daughter that solved a singing issue. She's cleverly smart.

[Frankie]

A) Y+1 is NEVER ok... now if it had been Z... maybe, but too bad you picked Y!

B) Phrase should be stopped upon first repitition, possibly by disctracting the youngster with explosives, or politics.

C) Only if he's going to grandma house after the movie.

D) Because kids are crazy lunatics, designed to make us question our every move until you grab them up and kiss them all over their little faces, in front of their friends!

BONUS: Because they are so DARN CUTE when they sleep....

[jules]

Ok, well I don't have kids of my own, but my nephews used to provide ALL of these same challenges! Wait until the tweenage years hit, for us it got much easier. Maybe that's because I'm their aunt, though, and I get to be the fun one. :)
Jules
House of Jules

[Sonja]

I don't have a 5 year old. I've got a 2.5 year old and a 1.5 year old, and I've been telling myself that once they got to be 5 and 4, things would be much easier. Your post makes me question this.

I'm really tempted to give you advice anyway, but I'm sure you're not interested. Besides, children don't tend to like me much. I could tell you how to make children not like you - email me!

[Tamara]

Ah, you ARE a wonderful writer.

[RubiaLala]

WOW, I totally know what you mean. I could have written that exact same post.

[punchanella]

this is called using math everyday, and it's why your math profs were so insistent that you learn it.

:)

[Hatchet]

We do NOT negotiate with terrorists.

Even if they are just five.

However, I agree with Karen's answers.

[Tracy]

Thank you for the advance warning. Our break doesn't start for 11 days (countdown to the terror) and I am sure that I am better prepared having prior knowledge of the test questions.
I'm also pretty sure that my 6 year old and my nearly 4 year old will drive me round the bend and that I will be blathering like an idiot by the end. At least I have some sample answers now...

[anne nahm]

Finally something to scare away that lame old nightmare of showing up for school in my underwear! Great post :^)

[sveedish]

Yay!!! Pop Quiz! I would like two pieces of graph paper, please. And a protractor. I don't know how well I will do on this quiz... My kid is 2, steamrolling into the Whiney Phase, so I have turned my ears off for the next twelve months. Hey! Is that an okay answer?

[Juju]

A. Because your father is watching and I'll get hassled later about being too easy or soft-hearted.

B. Remind yourself that last time it was quiet, too quiet, you later discovered that experimental hair cutting was going on in the bathroom.

C. If I have to give you an answer now, you're not going to like it.

D. Cleverly weave the making of hot chocolate into the activity.

EXTRA CREDIT: I agree with Frankie. They do look so cute when they're sleeping!

[Jennifer]

Uh.

How much does this count in my final grade?

[Kathy]

A) Y is ok, but your tummy is as big as Y and Y+1 will make it burst open and that hurts.

B) The singing must stop just as the twitches begin. To stop the singing, make up another nonsense song and sing it loudly...singer will pick up new song. Repeat as necessary.

C) No. At movies there is popcorn only. No candy. No discussion. Not now, not ever. (Yeah, right...)

D) Because activities are only cool if the teacher does them. Mommy activities are no longer cool. Unless mommy is doing the same thing as teacher, in which case mommy still isn't 'cool', but she's a copycat. A poser. But we still love her.

Bonus: You don't miss him. You miss his *potential*. Just like that boy you dated in high school/college/whatever. He wasn't worthy of you, but his *potential* was worthy. Your current little man has great *potential*...he just isn't living up to it all the time. And he never will, but you'll love him anyway. And his potential.

[Meaghan]

The problem I have isn't a child singing nonsense songs all the time, it's my boyfriend.

Every day, he makes up a new song about the dog.

Every day, I go a little bit more crazy.

Mothers, please try to curb this behaviour before the age of 25.

[Pendullum]

Prefer that to the teen years when talking may cease...

[Jen]

I'm with Slim. Come back and ask when you are ready to listen!

[pnuts mama]

jesusgod between this and the barometric pressure it's like someone is trying to inflate my brain to y+1 if y= it's normal size and 1= one million. thanks.

[Brian]

Ah yes, the "Why?" stage. Starts at 5, will last for a little while then will go away eventually.

Just remember the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything everything is 42! It says so in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy! :)

[lis]

I love it when you give us pop quizzes.

[Manic Mommy]

I was told there would be no math.

[College Mama]

Oh the mysteries of parenting...

[dhd]

Oh look, C.L. was trying to be funny there.

[dhd]

Oh look, C.L. was trying to be funny there.

[Angie]

Answer: He'll be 18 before you know it, leaving for college and you'll have a whole new set of perplexing questions. It never ends. Motherhood - who asked for this and why weren't we told what it involved?

[Tootsie Farklepants]

Wait...wait...almost got it. Carry the 1, divide by 7...hang on...no, that's not right. My answer said Xanax. Is that right?

[RLJ]

Damn, and they just found out that prozac doesn't even work...

[Catizhere]

A: Shoot the hostage.

Not really, it's just a line from "Speed"

[edj]

AUGH!
Is it 5:00/time for alcohol yet?

[Becky]

"If you don't want Y, you can have water instead. That's your only other option."

Just start blaring your own music.

"If you want to talk about it right now, I'll turn off/leave the movie so we can talk."

He needs a day or so to sleep on it. Keep the supplies nearby. Eventually he'll get bored and want to do it. But he still won't want to talk about it. (Also, having a friend over increases the chances that he will want to do the activity.)

Bonus: It's because you luurve him.

[Helen]

~How come you just have one kid but really DO get it? You get it all so spot on, every time!
My 3 littlest ones are back at school ( 4, 6 and 7, all boys we get bleeding ears with the pooh/bum/willy words) and I don't miss them at ALL, no need to make sense of that one, is there?

[Helen]

Oh but...the singing thing, you must never ask them to stop, it gives them extra wind to sing it for another hour at least, after the first 5 times you say " LOUDER! I love that SONG, SING IT LOUDER...let me call gramma/daddy/neighbours they love that song too, just keep singing LOUDER!" Shits them up immediately.

[DM]

My God. This is my nephew. And he's only 4. But I kind of make of the nonsense songs as well so I will maintain that they are cute.