MANNERS!

Every week at Henry's school they do a different letter, and a few weeks ago it was M week. One of the M words they discussed was Manners.

I learned this during dinner, when Henry asked, "May… I…please have more pasta, please?" He said it like he had just learned to ask for food in Portuguese. It was a distinct change from his usual way of requesting more food, which is to throw his spoon at me and point at his bowl, barking. "So polite!" we exclaimed, and that's when he told us about Manners. Manners is apparently important stuff for peoples to learn, else we become savage-like. Or so he learned us about. It.

"Can you pass the salt?" asked Scott, and Henry raised his spoon and declared, "Manners! You should say may you please pass the salt?"
"Pardon me," said Scott, "Madam, please, would you—"
"MAY YOU."
"May you please pass the salt? Please?"
"I certainly would, sir," I replied, and did so.
"Manners!" Henry cried out in approval.
"Henry, would you like more milk?" I asked him.
"May…I…ask…you—"
"Okay, I don't think that we need to say may I when I'm doing you the—"
"MANNERS!"
"Henry. May I please give you more milk?"
"No, thank you, Mother. You may not give me more milk."
"So 'manners' just means using the word 'may' a lot?"
"Yes. Manners is when you are fancy."
"Okay, are you all done with—"
"MANNERS."
We tried to explain how we use manners all the time, without saying "May I" in every sentence, and how maybe using manners doesn't involve bullying your family, but he wasn't having it.

The next week was N, during which we learned about Napkins and how one is supposed to use them with one's meal. Wha? We explained to him that we already have things to wipe our chins on, and we call them our Shirts. I suppose he'll learn that at S week.

Comments

[jules]

May I please thank you, madam, for making me laugh so hard I almost spit out my beverage?!
MANNERS!
Jules
House of Jules

[Holly]

If you don't mind, I'd like to come back and visit your deliciously polite blog. Please? May I?

[Jodi]

This reminds me of the time I witnessed my daughter grabbing a toy from another toddler while yelling, "SHARE!" at her. Manners!

[clarabella]

Ahh, this reminds me of my own long-ago family dinner tables where we said "i beg your pardon?"
Please to let me explain: my father is German, therefore learned English second-hand in the sixties. He thought(learned from a Southern host family) that "what?" was somehow rude. So . . . when I was growing up, we were taught "I beg your pardon" instead of "what."
When I was 8 or so, my brother had friends over. When my brother said "I beg your pardon" instead of "what" when he didn't hear something my father said, and the one friend (not a regular at our house) said "what did he say?", the other kid (a regular at our house) replied "It's German for 'what?" HAHAHAHAHAHA. Ok, does anyone else find this funny? Or did you have to grow up in my Emily-Post household?

[suburbancorrespondent]

Kids! You put a little learnin' in 'em, and they get uppity.

[kristi]

While stealing her toy, my 5 year old daughter said to my 3.5 year old daughter, "Say, PLEASE don't take my toy!"

[Jen]

Okay when people usually say that they spit stuff out on their keyboards, I assume they are either lying or using poetic licence. However, those last two sentences about the shirts happened to coincide with my swigging my lunchtime beverage, and now indeed my monitor is verily covered with Dr. Pepper.

[Jen]

P.S. I know that the time of comment doesn't look like its lunchtime, so I look like a poetic licence taker too, but its lunchtime here in the UK!

[Amanda]

I love your line about him bullying the family. They are little bullies, aren't they? Sheesh. You teach them something, and then they turn into little know-it-alls.

You make me laugh every time I find a chance to visit you here on the interwebs. Keep up the good work!

[Pickles & Dimes]

I think "MANNERS!" will become my new catchphrase.

[Summer]

Why is it that we can spend five years pleading and scolding and teaching-by-example without result, but a kindergarten teacher's civilizing lessons are taken as Holy Writ? Not long ago, my son's class did a "Healthy Living" unit, and my son turned into an absolute dictator at the grocery store, chiding me to buy items from each of the four food groups. "You have to buy meat AND beans, Mama, it's called the Meat AND Beans Group."

I might have to drop a hint to his teacher that a lecture on "Napkins and Tissues: Proper Use and Disposal Tactics" would be appreciated by the parents. God knows I've been unable to break him of the wipe it on your sleeve habit. Ewwwww.

[pcar]

I love his declaration of approval - "MANNERS!" I imagine it being delivered like "La'Chaim!"

[dianne]

May god please to help you all during "P" week.

[The Yummy Mummy]

Ah! The teacher has become the student. How poetic...and frightening.

[SherE1]

When my daughter was trying to learn how to use "May I", she would put it in front of all of her sentences: "May I you get the toy for me, please?" "May I she use the crayon?"

[sizzle]

I'm kinda impressed school teaches manners. This post cracked me up!

[Nothing But Bonfires]

Wow, this is excellent. It's like he's going to a Finishing School in Switzerland! Perhaps soon he'll start learning to walk with a book balanced on his head. And needlepoint! Maybe later there will be needlepoint!

[The Window Seat]

Ooh! This reminds me of a manners game we played in the deep South as children. It's called, Mother, May I?

Am I the only one who played this? You keep asking to do stuff, but if you forget to say, "Mother, may I" you have to go back to the start!

[Lyrics of My Life]

Yeah, sometimes I'm not sure about this whole "school" thing. My son went to an alcohol information assembly in the 5th grade, and he looked disapprovingly at me every time I had a glass of wine for a year. He kept asking me if I was going to get drunk. Sheesh!

[alice]

Well, Lyrics, WERE YOU?

[Sandi]

Funniest post EVAH!

[Brooke]

Lyrics: That's kinda funny.

I played Mother, May I? (out here in Cali)

My daughter (now 8) says, "May you please [pass the salt, serve me some more pasta, whatever]...? It was adorable when she was a toddler and I never fixed it.

[Tammy's Husband]

Tammy and I created a monster out of our preschooler by introducing the phrase "Excuse me..." when trying to get someone's attention. This was our brilliant plan to help him be more polite and prevent interrupting.

Now it has started almost every sentence he has uttered for the last 2 years. And it has become a foolproof way for him to interrupt conversations, as the politeness of it obviously negates any chance of punishment or parental scolding. It is an all-purpose tool.

"Excuse me....I need to tell you something."

"Mommy and Daddy are talking...you'll have to wait."

"Excuse me!"

"Wait please..."
"EXCUSE ME!!!"

"What? WHAT?!?!"

"Excuse me, arctic foxes have white faces, did you know that?"

[Stephanie]

Hahaha. This is the cutest thing ever.

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

Did you ever get to the point where you said, "I MAY have to strangle you if you don't stop it?" I know it's happened to me.

[SGM]

I kind of have the same problem. When I say sternly "go to your room!" to my 6 year old, he says "not until you say please."

Totally confounds me.

[Shellie]

May I please say whatever the heck I want to to my children?? might be in order.

[punchanella]

you make my life hilarious for like 5 minutes every time you post. outside of it's inherent hilarity, that is.

[Burgh Baby's Mom]

My favorite manners moment (so far) was a few weeks ago at the grocery store when we stopped to buy a balloon for our two-year old. The man blew it up, tied and string to it, and told her to, "Hold this for me."

She YELLED, "Hold it, PLEASE."

Apparently, she can hear the sound of my voice. Who knew?

[Jozet at Halushki]

Oh boy.

Just wait until elementary school when he gets the "drugs talk" and learns that alcohol and caffeine are drugs.

Every time I have my one glass of wine with dinner, my 6 year old starts the long line of questioning about why I need to take drugs, where will she live when mommy is in the gutter with her wine bottle, should she tell her teacher that mommy needs help from professionals....

I can't stand school. ;-)

[cce]

They're so damn literal aren't they? Speaking of manners. A girlfriend of mine stopped to talk to me while driving by in her car, I was out walking the dog. We were having an amusing conversation throughout the course of which I dropped a few f-bombs and various and sundry colorful words. After a few minutes I peeked into her back seat to see her three children all staring at me with enormous oh-my-god-she-has-mouth-like-a-sailor eyes. I had no idea they were back there. They surely got a lesson on cursing on the way home.

[honestyrain]

school - all it does is cause trouble.

[Michelle]

Maybe it will be "quiet" at Q and all you will hear is him screaming "QUIET!" every time you start to talk.

[gila]

Wow--the post was brilliant and the comments are also good. Thanks for the giggles!

[jaelithe]

My three-year-old son says things like, "May you give me some more fruit snacks?"

I have tried and tried to convince him to say "Would" when appropriate, but he insists on using "May" because he thinks it sounds more polite.

[Kat]

LOeffingL... I can't breathe...I'm in love with Henry...

[Jennifer]

Near death by laughter.

I took me nearly ten minutes to read this post because I was laughing so hard I couldn't get to the next line. You are the funniest blogger. EVER.

[Sus]

May I please tell you please that you are hilarious, and your pleasant son, too? Thank you.

[Marcy]

Dear Alice,

I'm taking a brief respite in an internet cafe, my 2 month old son is in the hospital with a UTI right now (not serious, but needs to sta in the hosp while on antibiotics). I figured reading your blog would bring a smile to my face in the middle of thi not-fun situation. I was right. Thanks for the laugh. And thank Henry as well.

A Slightly Frazzled New Mom

[emily ruth]

oh, how you make me laugh...out loud even...thanks:)

[Aimee Greeblemonkey]

May I laugh at your pain, please?

[jody]

Loved the post, (always) but my LOL moment came at reading Lyrics comment and your reply. Too flippin' funny.

[Alice Daood]

Our two year old boy was playing with friends. One of them came over and said, "Can I have dat boo car?" Our son said, "NO TANK YOU!"