Thank you.

I get the feeling this isn't the first time I titled a post "thank you," but I don't think you all hear it enough, considering how much you've given me. I had no hopes for any benefit coming out of that previous post, beyond at least getting the task of posting something off my plate. But the response I received—it absolutely floored me. I didn't think it was possible for comments and emails to help me that much. Just to be able to explain this weird place I'm in was an immense relief, but also knowing that so many of you are out there, rooting for me? I can't even begin to describe what you did. That night was the first time since I came home that I managed to eat any sort of actual food. So thank you, thank you, wonderful people. If I could write you all individual thank-you notes on the extra-good stationery I save for special occasions, I would surely do so. But let's face it, I'm too lazy for that, and I don't know your addresses. It's just not practical. Try and understand.

So. Somehow I managed to write a Wonderland post this week. It may make a little bit of sense. No guarantees, of course.

Comments

[HouseofJules]

Sending you all good vibes and positive mojo, Alice!
Jules
House of Jules

[sam (temptingmama)]

I'm pulling for you Alice! I really am!

*hugs*

[TitanKT]

It's enough thanks to hear that you're feeling even the tiniest bit better... extremely gratifying to know you've been able to eat a little bit.

You're never alone. You should know you can count on all of us to support and encourage you no matter what.

It's not a bad thing to be as sweetly sensitive as you are, Alice... it's made you the uniquely wonderful person you are and, clearly, it's what has made so many of us love you (as much as we do via internet in a hopefully not-too-creepy way). It's one of the things I admire most about you... in addition to your ability to write the funniest, most entertaining posts I think I've ever read. There have been precious few bloggers able to make me laugh so hard I cry and you were the first!

Unfortunately I think it may be this very enviable element of your character and personality that causes you to feel pain so deeply and intensely. I'm not saying it's more than anyone else's or more than normal, no one can know that. I just mean to say it seems like maybe it would be difficult to have one without the other. And that just means you need us all here offering you our most tender and heart-felt support and care. So here we are and as far as I'm concerned you're welcome to it and I'm more than happy to give you all I have to give if it helps you.

[Sharon]

I am a reader but not a commenter - until now. I wanted you to know that I am, like so many others, keeping a good thought for you.

[merlotmom]

you gotta have friends....

[Assertagirl]

I hope there was some chocolate involved in that meal.

xo

[P]

If we can't send happy thoughts your way when you need them after all the happy thoughts you have posted here for us, what's the point in lady bloggin' anyway? Remember you are surrounded by strong, beautiful and creative women just like you. We should remind one another of that more often than we do. Take care and feel better. You will.

[Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)]

I am so glad to hear the support and love helped you! It is such a gift to know that so many people are rooting for you.

I love what TitanKT wrote above in her comment about the depth of your sensitivity being part of the gift that is Alice Bradley.

That reminds me of my son. He is intense and sensitive and emotional and crazy busy. He feels every sensation exponentially more than most people. And while it is exhausting to raise him sometimes, it is also what makes him passionate, interesting and wonderful.

Hope your week just gets better and better.

[Monica]

Glad you had a break from the pain.
Love, compassion, friendship is swirling, swirling around you as I type.
Hang on, sister. xoxo.

[Sprite's Keeper]

Your fans will follow you through your highs and lows.
Just don't do a Tatum O'Neal, or I may begin to question my loyalty. :-)
Positive thoughts your way!

[Jolie]

De-lurking to let you know that I've been sending good thoughts your way this week. Take care...

[becky]

Alice, I didn't know. I would have given you such a gigantic hug at BlogHer had I known. I'm so sorry. Thanks for stopping and talking to me and Skye at Ruby Skye (ha! I just realized how funny that is).

I wish I knew what to say. You're in my thoughts. Big hugs to you.

[Jen]

It takes time. I understand.

We will always love you.

[Jen]

It takes time. I understand.

We'll always love you.

[fay]

Alice, I hope that you have even a fraction of the support in your physical world as you do on the internet. Grief sucks, and there is no way around it, only through. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself time to find your way back. It will happen, and people will be as happy for you then as they are hopeful for you now.

[Kia]

Isn't it amazing how a few comments from virtual strangers can lift your spirits even a little? So happy for you that you've been given even an ounce of respite from your woe. I hope it continues to get better!

[Lisa C]

No, thank YOU. That was one of the most important posts you could give us. I am VERY grateful for your honesty. Peace to you.

[Miz]

Chocolate does help heal the soul...Keep hanging in there. :)

[Amyinbc]

I am glad you are feeling even a teensie bit better today. I have been through what you have and it was not fun.

But in time life got more hopeful and our next 'ooops' pregnancy resulted in my gorgeous 10 year old twins. In time you will find life goes on...

In the meantime be good to YOU, take the time to grieve and sort out your feelings. Be good to yourself, the best thing you can do right now. Besides giving your son and hubby a big honking hug/kiss!

[Mauigirl]

Alice, just catching up as we were away a couple of days so I hadn't read your previous post until today. Just wanted to send lots of positive thoughts your way and hope that you soon find your way out of where you are right now.

[Laurie]

I'm so glad you are feeling a little bit better. I had such a lump in my throat reading your earlier post because I felt that I could have written those same words...not about the same things, but definitely the same feelings.

It is amazing how kind words from strangers - or anyone for that matter - can make such a difference. Keep your chin up. Things will continue to get better.

[Mommy Cracked]

So glad to know you're feeling a bit better. A burden shared is a burden lightened...a little, anyway. Keep writing and take care of yourself.

[Yolanda]

If you'll grab the rope, we'll keep pulling for you.

[Anna]

I missed commenting on your other post, I felt so much for you and I just couldn't find the words to say it all.

Alice, I'd pop by daily to read your shopping list, or to happily trawl your archives, so please don't add having to write here to your already way too heavy load.

Basically, as everyone else has already said more eloquently - we love you, take as much care of yourself as you can and we'll all be here whenever you feel like writing.

[Fiona]

Just think, Alice, there are many, many more people who are silently lurking and wishing you the best than those that actually bother to comment. You have many, many more people rooting for you than might simply be evident from the comments response! (First-time commenter here)

[Jeannette]

Courage, toi!

[Julie @ Letter9]

Struggling with PPD right now, I'm totally able to relate to the lack of appetite. I find hotdog buns very comforting. : )

[amy]

your honesty and willingness to share helps others more than you might realise. thank you. i am glad you're feeling a little better.

[Tara]

I am so glad that the (very much deserved) outpouring of love & support from your readers helped, even a little bit. I will continue to keep you & yours in my thoughts and prayers. You'll get through this. More (((hugs))) coming your way!

[dianne]

I've given it some thought, and the virtual bucket of kittens shall be dipped in chocolate. And at least one of them will have a (smallish) keg of Ketel One around its tiny neck.

[You can call me, 'Sir']

Listen, if you want my address, I'll totally give it to you. Seriously. Just ask.

[Beth]

What is the blogosphere good for if not to support each other -- isn't that why we all do it - to not feel so alone? oh sweet Alice - you and I both miscarried within a month of each other and I know how difficult it is. We'll make it - it will make sense some day - I promise.

[Badger]

Hey - I want a letter on that posh paper. I bet it has flowers all up the side and is lightly scented with roses and goodness, right?
Seriously, though, your lovely post was, as always, thank you enough. You give us so much and deserve all the love and good feeling we can attempt to pour out through this here Interweb thingy. It's brilliant to think we can help you feel just a little bit better, even for a moment. Grasp those moments and cling on - you are fab, fab, fab, brave, strong, and very loved, not to mention a brilliant, brilliant writer - painfully hilarious (have been reading through the archives to get me through the working day and snorting over my keyboard with great regularity) yet also eloquent on the moments of pain. Thank you for every post you have written, and for all those you'll write in the future.
And look - you make me come over all peculiar, and I'm a stiff-upper-lip Britisher and all. What have you done to me, woman?

[Pretty Jane]

You rock. Just happy to see a note from you letting us know how it's going. Hugs from all of us!

[BOSSY]

Wait - you have extra nice stationary set aside for special occasions? Well that's it -- Bossy isn't feeling sorry for you anymore.

:)

[Wendy]

You're welcome. That's what we're here for, right? One big communinet. ((hugs)) again. :)

[Melissa B.]

This place you're in seems familiar. As in, I've maybe not been to your particular place of sadness, but I've been to my own. I feel for you and (hugs)and good vibes are attempting to make their way to you from here! I'm thinking of you.

[Asha {Parent Hacks}]

You have such amazing readers (no surprise there). I'm going to tuck away Yolanda's "If you'll grab the rope we'll keep pulling for you" comment for when I need it myself (Thanks, Yolanda, you don't know me but that just did me in). How incredibly touching -- and it's because of everything you've given here.

You deserve this lovefest and much more.

[Rebecca]

Girl!
I'm so glad the comments helped. When you're in the shit, keep going!

[bobbi]

I remember that feeling...remember it well. I hope it ebbs and you find your way up and out of it soon. Until then, we're all still here.....

[Meg]

I'm late to comment, but I wanted to say that I was sending you extra special warm and fuzzy vibes. You sound adrift and afraid, feeling like you are alone in this strange place. But I wanted to tell you that you are most definitely not alone. I've battled depression before, and you put it into words clearly. I've been to that place, others have been to that place, and you are not alone, no matter what it feels like. Knowing that this is PERFECTLY NORMAL should help a little bit (since often people make you feel like it's abnormal). Try to full absorb that. This is normal, you are normal, and you will get better. Something awful happened to you, and for some reason your body has chosen to respond with depression. It's awful but, YOU WILL GET OUT. You will.

The best advice I can give is: keep going to the doctor, stay on whatever meds they give you (even if it seems hopeless), and when it all becomes to much to bear TAKE A WALK. I know this sounds insane, since clearly all you are capable of doing is curling up under the covers and melting into a puddle of tears, and for gods sake you can't even put on your shoes let alone WALK, so why am I even suggesting such madness? But, there is no surer way to clear your head and make you feel a tiny bit less desperate then getting your heart rate up. It won't fix things, but it might make them feel a small bit less overwhelming.

That, and letting yourself get really angry. Don't keep it inside eating at you, let it out and be enraged. Something awful happened to you, and you have the right to lash out, and be more angry then you have ever been in your life. Everyone will survive this anger, even if it feels like the world will collapse from it's enormity. It won't. It's ok.

We're all there rooting for you. I hope my tiny bit of 'been there' advice helps.

xo

[ozma]

Hang in there.

[Jenn]

Sir Winston Churchill once said, "If you're going through hell, keep on going."

I think it's a good philosophy to live by. It makes me smile to read your post today and to know that YOU know how much we all love you, and how we're all pulling for you. Because we are.

((Hugs)) to you, my friend

~ Jenn

[Kristin]

Hugs!

[Sarah]

hugs.

[Kate]

You are hilarious, even in grief. Feel better soon! We'll wait.

[Lunasea]

As always, Alice, you rock. Eating is a really good sign - I remember surviving on Boost liquid because it was the only thing I could swallow in those dark days. Remember that you have a huge pit crew cheering you on.

[Angela]

I've been checking daily ... more than once a day ... to see how you're doing. So glad to see you're feeling even a little better.

Hang in there. We will be here.

[Aaron]

Oh my god, you're funny! The last two sentences of the first paragraph are enough to keep me chuckling all morning.

Hoping you feel some relief soon.

[edj]

Oh good. I absolutely hate getting thank you notes because they induce guilt in me, since I am so terrible at sending them myself. Thank you, Alice, thank you for not sending me a thank you note on extra-nice stationery.