With friends like these, etc.

Henry's constructing a Bionicle in the backseat. "I built you a guy," he announces.
I look behind me. It appears to be some sort of three-pronged weapon. "Where's his head?" I ask.
"He doesn't have one," he explains. "He's an Electro-Stabber."
"Why don't you build something friendly?" Scott asks.
"Yes," I agree, "Can't you build something…non-stabby?"
Usually this response drives Henry insane, and he rails against our lack of understanding in such matters. Bionicles and the like were created as weapons of destruction, not diplomacy; when will we pacifist fools understand that?
But this time he pauses and says, "Okay."
A few minutes later he's done. "I built you an Electro-buddy," he says.
I look behind me again. "It looks exactly the same."
"It's a buddy!" he insists.
"Doesn't seem very huggable," I observe.
"Oh, you can hug him," Henry says. "Only if you do you'll get stabbed."

Comments

[suburbancorrespondent]

At least he warned you...

[Jen]

Even the buddies have to protect themselves..

[Dory]

Well, you sure passed on your quick wit to him!

[George]

lol. I am living in a parallel universe with my son. :-)

[The Window Seat]

When I was a child and Mr. Rogers sang, "Won't you be my neighbor," I enjoyed screaming back, "NOOOOOO!"

And I turned out a-ok. So don't worry about the predilection towards stabby stuff.

[You can call me, 'Sir']

HA!

The boy. He is a genius.

[Frogdancer]

That last line made me LOL.
I scared the cat.

[HeyJoe]

Dearest Alice,

Please stop imposing your pacifist will on "He-Who-is-Bent-on-World-Domination-and/or-Destruction.

Forebodingly,
HWIBOWDA/OD’s minion

[dee]

You might have yourself a special Electro-Buddy with Privileges there depending on the location of that third stabbing appendage.

[Lisa Clarke]

I think I've had that same conversation with my 5-year-old ;-)

[Angella]

My brother just bought my boys their first set of Bionicles.

Not quite the same as the teddy bear of my youth...

[Michelle]

I frequently get stabbed by men when I hug them. [/end bad sexual joke]

[Annie Valentine]

Why don't our children want to play with Teddy Ruxpin? He's making such a big comeback.

[catnip]

I think your boy and my boy would get along great! Oh, the Bionicles.

[Wendy Surf]

Boys will be boys. We don't buy our boys guns or let them watch anything but G rated movies. Yet somehow they still gravitate towards stabby things naturally.

[Miss Grace]

Beware the Stabby Buddy

[Marinka]

Stabbability is a really important quality to have in a friend!

[Email From The Embassy]

I love that kid. Seriously. Just because of that last post of yours. Who doesn't need a stabby buddy?

My eldest has recently moved beyond the Bionicles phase - hurray. Now he builds complex destruction vehicles out of his legos. They start as cars, but he adds lasers and missiles and probably stabby things as well.

Watch out - you'll get here soon.

[BOSSY]

Hehehe. Reminds Bossy of back-in-the-day when her son used to proclaim himself "a love guy" to appease his mother while selecting small branches in the yard to act as automatic weapons.

[MamaCass]

That's logic for ya.

[Dani]

Your kid is awesome.

[Newt]

Good heavens, what on earth are bionicles? I have a lot to learn before this here boy gets borned.

I guess stabby buddies are marginally better than pastel little ponies with combable hair. I'll try to count my blessings.

[jbeeky]

Rarely do books, movies or blogs make me laugh out loud. This did. You now share a dubious throne with David Sedaris and Mystery Science Theater 3000. Congratulations?

[sveedish]

L.O.L.

I love Henry and his quick wit!

[PB]

I am having a day of heartbreak, despair and self-loathing. I do not say those things lightly. I was sort of casting around the internet for something to distract me from what is going on, even for a moment. Nothing worked until I read this post.

[islaygirl]

i love henry.

[Jaywalker]

This is just wonderful and made me laugh lots.
Have you ever had the misfortune to watch the Bionicle movie? Never has a piece of jagged plastic been less successfully anthropomorphised. They should SO have stuck to stabbing with their fearsome plastic arms.

[Tina Rowley]

Oh me god. This post = a thing of beauty.

May I never meet a Bionicle.

[Twice Five Miles]

My son is only six months old, but I may have to run out and go get some Bionicles now.

[Pandechion]

I think I dated that electro-buddy.

[Lisa C]

Oh my word!!!! He's brilliant!!!!

[Mimi]

LMAO I do believe I've had that exact same conversation with my 5yo!

[dot]

heh, that is SO like my 3 year old :)

[tracey]

Awwwww.... A stabbing hugging Buddy!! Very sweet.

My eldest used to draw extremely bloody battles during art class. We had to have STRICT rules: NO GUN pictures (or knives or swords or nuclear bombs)at school.

[angela michelle]

i don't even try to have that conversation regarding bionicles. the boys bring me these horrific bristling creatures and i just say, "wow" or "i like that red part" or--this one is real genius--"i like it."

[Becky]

It's amazing to me how similar young boys are. This is totally something my 8 year old would say.

[cat19]

I read this to my son, and now he wants to know if he can build a stabby buddy.

[mek]

Oh Alice - thank you for a much needed laugh this morning!

[JMartin]

Henry is channeling the classics:

Hostile indigenous tribesman to three captured missionaries. "You have defiled our Gods! You must pay the consequences! You must choose! Death! Or Bomba!"

First missionary: "I fear death. I must choose Bomba."

Subsequent agonized screaming, stage left.

HIT returns. "You! You now choose! Death? Or Bomba!"

Second missionary: "I fear both, but I too choose Bomba."

Subsequent rending of flesh, gushing, and even louder screams, stage right.

HIT returns. "And now it is YOU! You must choose! Will it be Death? Or will it be Bomba?"

Third missionary: "I choose death."

HIT: "Death! Death is honorable! So you will get Death!"

Third missionary starts his prayers.

HIT: "But first! A little Bomba."

[gesikah]

I, for one, welcome our Electro-overlords.

[cj coats]

I too, have a 5 year old son, (in half day kindergarten to boot-yes it's awful)! And he loves his Bionicles and Legos! I always plead with him to make "ice-cream shooters" or "happy and reformed beasts of destruction", etc, instead of weaponry. He won't do that, so I just make his creations have big tea parties together! He HATES that. hehe

[Heidi]

Henry is pure awesome.

[penelope]

OMG, so funny. Just tonight, my 5-year-old held up a tiny plastic sword that came with his pirate ship and invited my husband to play "a stabbing game." Don't know where that came from, as we're certainly never stabbing around here!

[Jenn]

Absolutely classic. At least you got an interesting kid and not a boring one. :)

[Zip n Tizzy]

Reminds me of the boy I saw in the health food store, eating his tofu into the shape of a gun.
At least he's diplomatic.

[Jemima]

Heh, I just laughed my butt off. I can't wait to have some boys so they can avenge me.

FYI, the tea party stabfest above is going to make for some extremely warped children. Serial killers who give you a makeover...taxmen who take you on a date first..or worse, FRATBOYS!

[No Mother Earth]

Ahh, boys. Is this what I have to look forward to in my future?

[Organizing MOmmy]

At least you know where the stabs are coming from. I teach a writing class to grown up bionicle boys. They are constantly going from crisis to crisis, without heads on their characters.. (Just kidding) All boys like action.