Notable Moments in Exceptional Parenting, part 64

First, a little background information for you, before I can share my Notable Moment in Exceptional Parenting. Get ready. Aaand…go.

1. In the past year or thereabouts, we've gotten into the habit of reading longer chapter books to Henry at bedtime. We read "The Wizard of Oz," "Stuart Little," and so on. At some point he spied a volume of "A Series of Unfortunate Events" at the library and we were then coerced into reading all thirteen volumes of those. When we were done, Scott told Henry, "If you liked a Series of Unfortunate Events, my son, you're sure to love Harry Potter." I wondered if the books were too mature for him, but after all, he had just read thirteen books about orphans—surely a few more wouldn't hurt. Right? So we started reading Harry Potter, which he went bonkers over, as Scott predicted he would.

2. After we read to him, Henry likes a little music while he drops off. Generally this is something benign and classical, but recently he's become enamored with the Star Wars soundtrack, so Scott let him listen to it. (This is an important point: Scott. Scott hit "play." Not to point any fingers. Except for the one I'm pointing. At Scott. Hi, sweetie!) Once again, I wondered, is this too much to listen to while you're trying to go to sleep? But my family pshawed my hesitation. "I love it, Mom!" insisted my son, and my husband was all, "Shut up, dipshit, I know what a boy likes." ("Dipshit" is his affectionate nickname for me.)

So! A few days before the Christmas break, Henry's teacher called me over. It seemed that my boy had been sort of moody and sullen for the past two weeks, often complaining that he was tired and achy, and not participating in the class with the joie de vivre for which he is known. This was unlike Henry, who has been, objectively speaking, the valedictorian of his kindergarten class up until that point. They win these chips for good behavior—poker chips? Corn chips? I'm not sure—and he had won approximately 2 billion chips in the first few weeks. He does well. Or, at least, he did.

"Is he getting enough sleep?" his teacher asked, and I immediately realized that was the problem. For the past couple of weeks, his sleep had been terrible. He was driving us nuts, calling to us and asking for drinks of water and conversation and hugs. Hugs! Kids are so demanding. But what, in the past couple of weeks, could be keeping him up all night?

I bet you can guess! Come on! I'll give you a minute.

In the number of seconds it took to walk from the teacher to Henry, who was kicking at some leaves and grumbling to himself, I had it figured out. The kid was being read Harry Potter and then listening to the Darth Vader theme in the dark and he couldn't sleep because he was terrified. Some clues might have been all that talk about thinking scary thoughts and having bad dreams about ghosts. Way to go, genius parents!
I walked over to Henry, who was kicking at a pile of leaves and grumbling. "I'm in trouble," he declared.
"No, she's just worried," I said. "Is something making you unhappy?"
"I just couldn't do gym because my legs were tired." His voice was all shaky.
"I'm thinking… I'm thinking we need to get you to bed earlier. And cut out Harry Potter."
"That's a good idea, "he said.That's a good idea?
"And let's listen to something more relaxing than Star Wars, when you're trying to sleep."
He thought about that for a minute. "You're right," he said. "I need to be soothed."

And then I threw myself into a snowbank and waited for Death to come and relieve me from the crushing guilt.

Thus ends another Notable Moment in Exceptional Parenting. I hope this helps you feel better about your own parenting skills, which are undoubtedly more refined than ours.

Comments

[Jamie]

AAAHAHAHAHAHAHA, he may as well have put his little feet up on a pillow and said, "pamper me, woman! I demand SOOTHING!"

just tweak the routine and all will be well again.

[jacki janse van rensburg]

that's what parenting is all about - figuring it out as you go along.

at least you were reading stories, not many kids get that these days!

you'll get over this guilt. even if it is just because you got something new to feel guilty about...

[The Window Seat]

AWWW! Don't worry. He'll be fine. My parents let me watch "The Dark Crystal" because it said something about Jim Henson on the VHS slipcover.

I didn't sleep for months. My mom nearly wrote a letter to Mr. Henson and his creepy muppets.

But I recovered. It can happen.

[Ashley]

hahahaha that is classic. Soothing! Next he'll be demanding to be grape-fed while manually fanning him. :) Very cute.

[Erin]

I am enjoying a notable moment myself. I just turned my back for a second (can you feel the forboding) and my four month old slipped from the couch to the floor face first with a hollow thunk. He is sleeping it off now while I am debating whether to call the authorities on myself.

[Mary M.]

Gosh, kids are demanding these days!

Don't you worry. My parenting skills are MUCH more exceptional than yours.

[Sara Maria]

HAHAHAH!!!!!! Love your writing! It is my first day here. I have seen you on Momversation a couple times linked by my regular reads--Dooce and GGC, and I just read your blog today. You must be such a fun person to be around in real life. Awesome!

Im 23 and I SO cannot watch Harry Potter in the dark. Especially any of the ones past number 1. Eeekk. LOL

[floreksa]

I'm sure I'm right behind you. Our 4 year old LOVES Ghost Hunters and all things IronMan. DH threw in a viewing of HellBoy2 just for good measure.

I'm sure my pre-school phone call is only moments away.

[Kelly]

I am living my own exceptional parenting moment right now. I'm high on sudafed and having trouble walking away from the soothing glow of the interwebs. Meanwhile, the child is overdosing on Noggin.

[Jennifer]

(warning: positive spin ahead) Assuage your guilt a little: by experiencing the not-sleeping-well himself and understanding the cause and effect, your son was able to make a (good) choice about bedtime reading and music. Otherwise, it may have become a battle of wills.

[Heather B.]

"I need to be soothed"

I think that is the best part.

[Catizhere]

Pshaw! Why, just last night Maggie & I were snuggling on the couch watching "Ghost Hunters"
I have NO IDEA why that kid ends up in my bed every night.

[Miss Grace]

Read him some Edgar Allen Poe instead?

[She Likes Purple]

"I need to be soothed" -- I can't help but find that the most adorable phrase ever uttered by a child.

[Chookooloonks]

Honey, I don't know why you're beating yourself up about this.

This is all clearly Scott's fault.

K.

P.S. insert the word "Marcus" in place of "Scott" in the previous sentence, and you will have clear insight into how I live my faultless life. You're welcome.

[Erika]

"You're right," he said. "I need to be soothed."

I'll be laughing all afternoon about that.

No need to throw yourself into a snowbank. We've had to stop reading any number of things b/c they interfered with sleep. Do you think he'd like the Little House books? If not, Beverly Cleary is a good choice--you'll have a whole series of Henry Huggins books to choose from!

[Molly]

Ideas for awesome chapter books that aren't scary--or at least, don't rely primarily on magic or ghosts or other Voldemort-type constant threats (hey, all books need some kind of menacing plot):

The Invention of Hugo Cabret (it's told partially in pictures!)

Dominic by William Steig (so playful and episodic)

E. Nesbit, The Story of the Treasureseekers (classic Victorian story of kids imagination running rampant, only "villain" is poverty)
or along the same lines: Eleanor Estes, The Moffats; Harriet the Spy

And hey, ain't nothing wrong with reading the Little House series to a boy--pioneering books never go out of fashion!

I think it's only recent that popular kids' books have to have to have plots driven by a unified and unstoppable scary magic force.

[Azucar]

I walked in on our husband and our 5 year old watching Men in Black II. How could that EVER go wrong?

Cue the next week of terrified child who doesn't want to go to be because the ALIENS are coming to GET HIM.

Yes.

Smooth move.

[b.]

I've been reading the Little House series to my own son. He's seven and he loves them, even though he wasn't so sure he'd like a whole series of books about a girl. :)

[Fi from "Four Paws and Whiskers"]

I found you through Suldog... via Catpants... but have seen you on Dooce too.
Lovely story :) You are fantastic parents because you read to him!!!
And we have all been there with inappropriate content ... my children have all had to be helped through traumatic events at times.. like first son watching "ET" at 4 yrs old; second son at 6 yrs old having to be taken home at the start of Kevin Costner's "Robin Hood" movie because someone tried to cut off a hand; all four of them crying over the "Lion King's" death and we always had to skip the part in the video where the horse died in "Never Ending Story"; and 12 yr old daughter needing to sleep beside our bed for days after watching things like "Scream" - I hasten to add this was at other peoples houses...no way would we have let her watch it!

They are all fine.. as Henry will be :)
:)

[silvermine]

Yes -- listen to jennifer. It's a feature, not a bug! Or spin it that way.

No really, it's beautiful that you guys tried something, you both realized it didn't work, and easily came to a solution! Maybe next time he'll come to you first, because he realizes it's okay. Sounds like a moment showing happy goodness, to me.

[Taryn]

What a presh he is. I'm sure he'll look back on all this and smile, the way I look back on my dad's decision to let me watch Wayne's World when I was nine, and how I went around telling all my friends I'd just had "the creamofsomeyoungguy" at a Chinese restaurant.

[Kendra]

Oh, the poor boy! My kindergartener and I have been getting into the "Magic Treehouse" books. I worry (maybe more than I ought to) about frightening him, but those are fun without being too scary. I'm amazed your little one was able to hold still for the books you've been reading to him! We also like all the Oz books (there are probably 13 in the series). I read them all when I was little and love reading them to him.

A few months ago, in a world-class shitty parenting moment, my then-6-month-old fell off the changing table and she (I) broke her leg. The Labor Day trip to the ER. The explaining over and over again how I was reaching for a diaper, because we'd just the minute gotten back from vacation and I couldn't figure out where all the diapers had gone, and when I looked away, she was suddenly on the floor. The going back the next day for the itty-bitty purple cast. It was hands down my worst, guiltiest moment as a parent so far. And when our regular pediatrician (who'd been out of town at the time) called later to check on her, he said that when his own son was an infant, the same thing had happened. It helped to know I wasn't the only terrible parent in the world.

So Henry had a few sleepless nights but no broken bones. He doesn't need a cast, just "to be soothed."

[Carrie]

We've been enjoying Junie B. Jones -- there are a million of them, they're pretty amusing to parents as well as kids, and altho the title character is a girl most of the stories are pretty unisex. The only problem is that I sometimes get carried away and read the whole book, and suddenly it's 9:30.

[bri]

I just started reading your blog after finding you through last year's BlogHer. And I love you ever so much for this post.

[sarah]

bwahahaha ooohhhhh i'm so sorry. i love it when children use their newfound articulation against us!

[Jen]

Can't help but third (or fourth?) the Little House Books. Three boys in the family (6, 14,17) and they've all been read these books and adored them. There is occasional editing of/explaining the bigotry of Ma, but other than that peachy keen.

I'll try to remember the general order of our introducing the chapter books to the young'uns. Charlotte's Web was always an early one. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (but not so much James and the Giant Peach), uhhhh

The most fun ever though was listening as the husband (primary bedtime reader) read the Anne of Green Gables books to the older boys near the end of their being read to days. There is nothing cuter than an 8 yo, an 11 yo and a late 30 something discussing whether or not that boy is right for their beloved Anne.

[Jen]

Ha! Look at that uhhhh hanging there in my previous comment. No explanation, no punctuation, no follow-up words or sounds.

It's like being with me in person. Enjoy.

[Deirdre]

Funny for us:-) Thank you for sharing. Also reinforces for me to believe my gut instead of going with my "everything's okay" husband's style of parenting.

[Elissa (Waxing Gibbous)]

This post was hilarious!

We went through the exact same thing with my daughter. She stopped and started the Harry Potter series three times before she could handle it without being up all night line. She's in third grade now and has read them all. In fact, she keeps a blog where she writes reviews of her favorite books--harry's on there, of course: www.thelittleclover.blogspot.com

Love your blog!

[Karen]

I figure we've got to give our kids some fodder for those coming-of-age memoirs they'll want to write someday.

[sarah]

"I need to be soothed?" Oh my gosh. This makes me want to start having kids. You freaking rock. And that boy of yours -- my oh my is he ever a charmer!!

[Desiree Fawn]

Soothed! Ah, what a sweetheart.

[Susan]

God, I LOVE the Lemony Snicket books. I want to have kids *just* so I can share them. I also love that Henry's so articulate! How many pre-schoolers know "soothing?"

[Lori]

Hey, at least you know that all that money you'll be paying for therapy later will be well spent.

Just wait, soon your husband will be taking him to see the movies and letting him play "M" rated video games with blood running in the streets. He KNOWS what a boy likes! :-)

[MotherhoodTheUltimateSurvivor]

Alice! Let me match your choice of bedtime stories and music and raise you one mother disbelieving her youngest son's stomach ache for TWO WEEKS only to find herself at the doctor's office today while said son gets an ultrasound. I'll be collecting poop later tonight

[Danielle B.]

How about 'The Wind in the Willows' or 'The Cricket in Times Square'? I'm only 24 but those were two of my favourite before-bed books. Also, the 'Redwall' series is BRILLIANT!

[Lynda]

Dearest Dipshit (I say with love and fondness from afar),
You are an exceptional parent!
This just "soothed" me! He's so cute - and intelligent!

[Wallydraigle]

I've been reading my three-month-old gory and nonsensical celtic fairy tales for the last three weeks.

Before bed, my dad read me and my siblings The Lord of the Rings trilogy repeatedly. I'm still afraid of the dark, basements, and plumbing, but I think that has more to do with watching horror movies (It and Silent Deadly Night XXVI (or something) being the two most damaging) on the sly when I was little. I think you're okay with the Harry Potter and the Star Wars.

To add to the suggestion list: Rudyard Kipling's short stories. My favorite story of all time is "Rikki-Tikki-Tavi".

[Wallydraigle]

That was Silent Night, Deadly Night. Dur.

[BlackOrchid]

my three year old likes to watch me play Diablo (2)!

and . . . I let him watch! that game gives ME nightmares.

Please - bush league here. Try reading "Struwwelpeter" and Hilaire Belloc before bed, watching movies like "Tremors" and "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy - that's how my 3 and 5 year olds spent Christmas break with my brilliant husband.

[Rachel]

ha ha ha ha ha.

Thanks for the warning. I applaud that y'all read to him though, that's fantastic.

You're writing is a joy to read.

[karyn]

Well, seeing as you're now in the market for another book series can I suggest The Chronicles of Narnia?

My daughter and I just finished reading the last Harry Potter book about half an hour ago. She is seven and was okay to handle it. But when she was five we read The Chronicles of Narnia, and she loved them. They are much less dark than Harry Potter, and C.S. Lewis skims over the descriptions of battles, etc. (He actually writes things like, "And then a bunch of scary things happened but if I write about them your mother won't let you read the book anymore" and then starts a new topic.)

Of course, the movies (both Narnia and HP)are all way too scary for her right now. We'll give them a few more years.

Anyway, I hope that Henry gets some rest and that you find some new sleep-appropriate books soon!

[Elizabeth]

My 6-year-old was sick on the couch last weekend, so was watching documentaries. Watched an entire show about jellyfish. We were starting on the shark episode where a tiger shark eats somebody and I finally said THAT'S ENOUGH! and shockingly there was no argument. That night? Nightmares about jellyfish coming to get him. [sigh] We all do the best we can in any given moment, Alice. Sometimes, we SUCK AT THIS. OTHER times, we can claim to be positively gifted. Not so much with the gifted, lately, but perhaps 6 and 4 1/2 will do that to you.

[Elizabeth_K]

Oh the immediate agreement is killer ... like, "oops!" But ... we all make mistakes, you make yours so charmingly, and make up for them so quickly!

[Pretty Jane]

Please. My daughter's Montessori teacher is the one who read them HP when she was THREE. And now she's a perfectly normal, albeit high-strung, teen. No worries, dude--he's learning to SELF-soothe.

[NG]

When I was 5, my mother used to let me go to sleep to the soundtrack from The Godfather. I insisted it was soothing. I realize that I had not seen the movie at age 5 and had nothing to associate with the music back then. It is quite soothing without the rest of the context. But now I'm an adult and I HAVE seen the movie and whenever I hear that theme song, all I can think of are two things: 1) bloody horse head in my bed and 2) WHAT KIND OF MOTHER WOULD LET HER CHILD LISTEN TO THIS CRAP?

[Anne Prince]

Alice, I remember when Cameron got his first pair of glasses and announced to everyone in the doctor's office that he could see again!!! I felt like crawling into the nearest hole - like what kind of mother doesn't know her kid can't see????

[Madeleine]

Oh, been there. My eight year old loves all the Harry Potters and re-reads them (except 6, which shall never darken her doorstep again) but after once through she won't touch Lemony Snickets. So trauma is relative, I guess.

Also, her Dan Zanes Night Time and Enya music at bedtime turned into "that song's too scary, that one's too sad" and then we discovered this little app for the iPhone/iPod Touch called Ambiance. And now she drifts off each night to the sound of a babbling creek. But she still sometimes gets up for another tuck-in.

[Charlie Hills]

My daughter and I have been reading through Harry Potter, and also right before bed.

Fortunately, she falls asleep right away. Of course, we always have Enya playing and not John Williams.