Henry wants to do the right thing.

I've spent the last few months worrying about what I thought was my son's increased self-absorption. I realize that most six-year-olds are narcissists, but this was out of control. The demands for toys and treats was ceaseless. Plus he just seemed perpetually annoyed and gritchy and scowly, and because I am a Professional Worrier, I assumed this was what he was growing up into. A jerk. And there was nothing I could do about it.

But the wheel, it has turned. As it does. His mood has brightened. He's open to talking about topics that are not Why His Life is Awful Because He Doesn't Have X Lego Set. He's looking around him, wondering what's been going on with the rest of the world while he was busy sulking. And once again I realize I should give the worrying a rest. Will I ever figure this out?

Yesterday I asked him to go into a store and get something for me while I waited outside with the dog. He performed this task so admirably—I could see him through the store window, saying please and thank you in all the right places, while the guys behind the counter grinned down at him—that when he returned and handed me my change, I said, "You keep it." It was a dollar. He was shocked. A dollar? He could buy out the toy store with this wealth! Buy all the Hershey bars in the universe!

We walked half a block, debating the merits of spending vs. saving. We were waiting outside the grocery store for Scott, and as we stood there, Henry said hello to a homeless man asking for change. Then he handed him the dollar. They exchanged a high-five. Henry walked back to me and said, "That was totally worth it—he was such a nice guy." I waited for him to ask for another dollar, but he never mentioned it again.

Scott came out of the store and we made our way home. Along the way, we talked about homelessness and poverty and inequality and what Henry could do to change things. He's got some big ideas, people. Wait until you hear.

Comments

[Jill]

This post makes my heart smile. My 4yo is all about what he doesn't have and what he wants to get next and it's so frustrating to me because how do you convince a 4yo that it's not the end of the world that he doesn't get Trix cereal every time we go to the grocery store (or ever) or that just because there's a commercial for it on TV, doesn't mean he has to have it or that a trip to Target to buy a birthday gift for one of his friends doesn't mean he gets a toy too. I'm glad to see that it's possible to "grow out of" this phase and I hope mine figures that out sooner rather than later!

[nelking]

This is my favorite part of parenting.

The phase where your questioning what kind of human your molding and then they go and really show you.

[Adrienne]

That story actually brings tears to my eyes. What a good kid.

[Shelley Greenberg]

OMG that is the sweetest story. I was already liking the part about him being sweet and going into the store without complaining and being polite to the cashier. Then I was loving how you let him keep the change and taught him a lesson about being polite and good - it pays off. But then the whole giving the dollar to the homeless man and giving him a HIGH FIVE part?! Priceless.

You've got a good kid there, no doubt about it.

[famousamy]

All I can think is awwwwwwwwwww.. what a great kid!

[feefifoto]

Oh, you've got a keeper there.

[liz]

You're raising a good kid there. Polite, generous, caring, and happy to be polite, generous, and caring.

[Kizz]

Henry is marvelous.

[liz]

My son's name is Henry, too, and he's only 10 months old, so I get a kick out of imagining my Henry in your Henry's stories (which is truly an exercise in imagination because I can't believe he's going to actually turn into a real person who talks about things and likes Legos and stuff. Crazy!). Anyway, this is so sweet and made me tear right up. I like your kid!

[Carrie]

These moments are our annual bonuses, huh? Save this one!
By the way, I think what you did by giving him the dollar unexpectedly is a good tactic, even if you didn't think of it that way at the time. I try to make all "payoffs" to my kid unexpected and ALWAYS unrelated to any kind of persistent whining. I don't usually buy them anything, but every once in awhile, if they ask politely or don't ask at all, and the answer is YES, they're so happy and they know the bounty comes from a random God whom they can't control.

But I realized I might have gone a little too far when I took Nutmeg to Kmart recently and I bought her a can of Campbell's tomato soup at her request and she was over the moon with joy. Not that I don't feed her but I don't usually honor grocery shopping requests, at least not in a timely manner. We probably got some weird looks at that Kmart.

[Meredith]

So sweet. That's a great kid you've got there.

[Spedrson]

Awesome! My little guy is 6 and completely self absorbed right now so your story gives me great hope!

[Sadie]

That is pretty amazing. I probably would have cried.

[Jen]

I love Henry. I'm already married, but I'm hoping to have a daughter some day. Do you think we could arrange some sort of, you know, marriage?

Too far? Yeah, I thought so. But, you can't blame a girl for trying.

[Lisa]

Well, I'm just busting my buttons for you! Sometimes parenting just drags the stuffing out of you bit by bit and then they go and show you why you had those little people in the first place - to make the world a better place. Way to go, Henry!

[Kayla]

This story makes me less afraid to bring kids into this world some day. Great kid, great job parenting.

[Hope]

What a cool little dude! Can't wait to hear his ideas - we definitely needs some!

[bklyn76]

henry is awesome. he makes me a proud brooklynite.

[Jennifer]

That is very awesome.

[chiquita]

Wow. that has to be one of the best all time parenting moments. I dread my kid being old enough to ask about homelessness. I know she's going to ask what we are doing about it, and I'm not sure I have an answer.

[madge]

That made me well up. Good man, H.

[Dana]

I totally teared up reading that. What an awesome, proud moment.

[midwife Jen]

*melt*

[Leslie in Toronto]

Henry just totally restored my faith in humanity. Truly.

[Frogdancer]

It's moments like this that make everything so worthwhile. You've got a great kid. (My boys are older. I went to bed last night and while I was asleep they loaded the dishwasher and tidied the kitchen. It was such a lovely surprise to wake up to today.)

[Heidi]

How rewarding. And caring. And generous. Big ideas indeed!!

[Black Hockey Jesus]

There's nothing I respect more than kindness to bums and drunks. A good story. A keeper.

[Kirsty]

Put me with the teary crowd. That must have made your heart smile. Good kid, that.

[Mindy]

Yet another story after which I am determined that my daughter will marry Henry someday. She's almost five, adorable, witty, very bright - how do you feel about arranged marriages?

[readersguide]

A lovely post, and it sounds like you guys are turning into city people. Maybe it was the move that had him unsettled, and now he's settling in? Who knows -- you're right. You get all worried, and then it sorts itself out.

[Nicole]

What a sweetie. He gets what many adults don't.

[marta]

Sweet.

[Accidental Olympian]

That is absolutely marvelous. If he can begin to grasp it at 6, who knows the change he could bring about to the world by 16, 26, 36,...

Can you even imagine your little guy at 36?

[Emily]

I adore Henry. He makes me want to have children, no kidding.

[neena]

That just makes my heart smile! You must be doing something right, Mama.

[Kristen]

Okay, so THAT'S why people have kids. I totally get it now, and *almost* want one of my own. What a great story.

[Holly Strebel]

That is the sweetest thing. I don't think I would of done that when I was little, perhaps, PRETEND to place it in the bucket, then pull it out, yelling "HA HA, SUCKER!"

Someday life is going to bite me in the butt.

Good for him!

[Maggie]

good job mom and dad!

[Dawn]

That's a good man in the making you're raising there. Well done!

[C]

What a beautiful story. You must be so proud of him! That there is a combination of great parenting and inborn good guy-ness.

[Tansasser]

What a great story. I think we all need more stories like this in our lives. Less Michael Jackson, more Henry Finslippy.

[Summer Saldana]

I think I just fell in love with Henry!

[jens]

awesome. made me tear up a little.

[Margarita]

That is so sweet. I love when we see things in children that could change everything. I see glimmers of responsibility and care for others in my little one, and I get so proud when I do. We always focus on the negative, on what they're not doing right, on all they're doin wrong... but if we wait, they will do something astounding like that.

[highlyirritable]

...patiently waiting for six to come...

At just-turned-five, I'm afraid my son would roll the homeless guy for his money. He's still firmly entrenched in that "world revolves around me" stage.

Come on six.....

[Amber Lynae]

That is heartwarming. What a sweet thing for him to choose to do with his newly earned money.

[Lynn @ human, being]

lovely, sweet boy.

[Laura]

What a great story. As a mom of a soon-to-be 2-year-old, we all have big hopes and dreams of raising a selfless child who will go on to great things, and we find ourselves trapped in these phases where we keep wondering, "what the heck are we doing wrong?" Some days, we're convinced that we're doing EVERYTHING wrong. Thank you for restoring our hope in the promise.

[desiree fawn]

Oh!! What a nice little man you've got there.
Good job ^_^

[aimee greeblemonkey]

You may remember our kids are very close in age. And this post gives me hope. Because I hate 6. Hate hate hate. Bring on September and age 7. I am counting the days. But then, like you, we will have those ray of hope days that make it all worth it. Oh, like my post from yesterday when Declan learned how to use the word fuck. Ahem. Yeah.