UNCLEAN!

My friend Irene was here last week, visiting from her exotic homeland of London, England. We were at lunch, and then I confessed something, Something horrible.

Me: I have to say, I feel a little gross. I didn't shower for a few days, and then this morning I went to the gym and when I got back home, the water was shut off because they're doing some kind of plumbing work.
Irene: [Horrified stare]
Me: So then there wasn’t enough time to go back to the gym and shower and still meet you for lunch, but we have this kind of large Brita container, which holds a lot of water, but it was in the refrigerator, so I basically gave myself an icy sponge-bath. And then dumped the rest of the water over my head. Which was bracing, to say the least. It was like an ice-cream headache, only more so.

[Irene stares at me as if I had told her that I like to poop in the sink.]

Irene: But…why didn't you shower in—how many days, did you say?
Me: Um. A few? Maybe a couple. I kind of can't remember.
Irene: You can't remember the last time you showered?
Me: I can't say my showers are all that memorable. Don't look at me like that. You live in Europe! You should be comfortable with the unwashed!
Irene: You used to shower every day, in college!
Me: Are you saying you still shower every day?
Irene: …
Me: !

Then we agreed never to talk again.

Or rather, we made fun of each other for a while, then changed the topic. I may have made her smell me, at some point. (For the record, I smelled fine. Ice water and baby wipes can accomplish quite a bit.)

It should be said that Irene does not have kids. (And no disparaging Irene, please; she's one of my best friends and I will have to come to your house and give you a noogie if you do.) (Don't think I won't.) So I could say that she has all the time in the world to take daily showers. But my son is six. It's not like he's an infant. I have time. And yet I find myself forgetting to shower. Forgetting, or deciding there are better things to do, like, I don't know, read? You can't read in the shower, after all. Someone needs to fix that.

I ran into my other friend (I have more than one!) Jennifer today, and we were talking about this not-showering habit of the children-having. Jennifer has two kids, so she has more reason to not shower. "Not only do I not shower, but I forget to brush my hair," she said.
"I don't own a brush," I countered.
"I never look in the mirror," she said. "One day I got my hair wet in the outdoor sprinkler, and my hair was all plastered down on one side and it was like that all day. And I had no idea."
"Oh, I have to look in the mirror," I said, "because I usually have something crazy stuck in my hair. Like a cat toy, or a pack of gum. Seriously. Did I tell you about the time I walked around with a hanger hanging from the back of my coat? I never leave home without giving myself a once-over."
"I'm going to shower now," Jennifer said, "Since I just went to the gym. So that’s good, right?"
"I hope your water is on, but if it's not, may I recommend ice water and baby wipes?"

Somewhere in England, a glamorous, freshly showered woman wept for all of us.

Comments

[Shnerfle]

Oh, Alice, my currently unshowered self simultaneously weeps and cries. Because it is so true...

Hair clips also help.

Dog saliva doesn't.

[MotherProof]

You're so right about the priorities. As our kids get older, we have more time in which to shower, but also more options. I wonder why hygiene seems to fall to the bottom of the list? Weird...

[Miss Grace]

I try to shower ever couple/few days. If my hair starts looks greasy or dreadlocked, or if I have a specific social occasion for which to prepare.

[kaylen]

I remember singing really loudly in the shower to drown out the terror filled cry of my infant who couldn't believe I wasn't picking him up, even though I had held him from 1am-5am and rocked him and walked back and forth with him for FOUR hours.
Kids are hard!!

[highlyirritable]

Some of the best showers I've had involved nothing more than a bottle of warm water I found under my van seat and takeout napkins. Seriously.

When my son was a few weeks old, I actually had to consult a calendar to see how long I'd gone. I looked acceptable considering I'd just had a baby, and after day 4 it became a bit of a sick game to see how long I could go before anyone noticed. Although, in retrospect, they were probably (rightfully so) afraid to say anything. (For the record - 8 days. And only then did I give in because I had a doctors appointment.)

I clean up real nice with little effort, so this helps, but I have more important things to do than all the girly shit. Like surf the net when I am supposed to be doing homework.

[tulip]

I read in the shower! I have perfected the art of showering completely with one hand and the book held up above with the other so it doesn't get wet. My husband makes merciless fun of me for it.
:)

[Anastasia]

Too close to home, thank you!

For me it comes down to "who owns mornings?" In our house, I am the designated grown up each morning, ergo morning is not mine: it's the kids' and everything they need, it's the pets, and what they need, etc. and every bit of energy goes to getting them all taken care of and out the door (and into my car). By the time I get back, and time theoretically belongs to me again, well, the day is half over and who wants to get wet and naked then?

And don't start that shite about getting up earlier, because what does that accomplish besides waking the little ones and the dog up earlier (and costing me sleep).

Oh. And only weird people shower at night.

[Jeni]

Just the other day I sighed as I got into the shower thinking..."this is such a waste of time".

[k]

I have really dry skin and live in the land of less-than-10%-humidity, so even if I'm totally on top of my game and have all of the time in the world, I'm only going to shower every other day. Also, I have finally tamed my curly locks into flat-ironed magic hair that does not look like dreads after one day and can be *neatly* put into a clip or a pony - but also takes a long time to iron, and I'm not doing that more than twice a week.

But YES, I totally forget to shower, or just don't make time for it! My kids are 5 and 9, so it's not like I have infants (actually, I showered a heck of a lot more then because of the nursing and the diapering and the spitting-up). It's just so time-consuming, and yeah, I'd rather read a book (or a blong. Ahem). I try not to go more than 3 days.

[BGK]

Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels it is unnecessary to shower if you aren't actually dirty/smelly/greasy-haired! I used to average more than one shower a day, but now, in dry Colorado, I rationalize my questionable hygiene by believing that daily showers will dry out my skin and cause premature aging. I'm a mess, really, aren't I?

[Carrie]

I must be the most selfish mom in the world because I shower almost every day. I LOVE my showers. Sometimes I stay in there until the hot water runs out.
But this will probably stop, because the 2-year-old just decided she likes to get in the shower with Mommy. So what is the point, then?

[hi kooky]

The concept of daily bathing is a scam developed by American soap & shampoo companies. :) I totally agree that there are more interesting things to do. Also, I've become a night-showerer, because who wants to get up in the morning and have to go through all that rigamarole when the kids are rarin' to go?

[Hairy Farmer Family]

Ummmm.

An Englishwoman here who DID actually shower this morning, because her toddler was being looked after by Granny, enabling a trip out into Grown Up Land with clean hair and shaven legs. I think the PREVIOUS shower was... errr... Saturday morning? Maybe? It's not as if we specialise in anything much weather-wise except mizzley rain around here.

I reckon as long as I remember the daily roll-on, and they're not actively screaming 'Bring out your dead!' I'm good!

[Accidental Olympian]

Is it wrong that even without children I can't seem to shower on a daily basis? Every other is a good attempt right? I best not procreate, else people will simply stop speaking to me for fear of standing to close and smelling my odor.

Life is hard.

[anita]

Nice to see so many fellow water conservers out there! ;-)

[becki]

Um... I'm childless and will NOT bathe daily. What's the point? I'm not that smell usually.

Although now I am afraid of what will happen if I ever do have children.

[Jenny]

A good friend of mine reads in the shower. She will only buy paperbacks because of that. I still can't really figure out how she does it.

[Becky]

I shower daily simply to get away from my son for 15 minutes. Seriously, can mama get some space? Worst. Mother. On. Earth.

[l]

Since my second son was born 2.5 years ago, there was only one week during which I got a shower every day. Usually it's every other day. Once I got so mad at myself because I actually got to take a shower, but I forgot to wash my hair. I couldn't figure out why it wasn't drying the way it usually does.

[Bobbi Janay]

Now I don't feel so bad, that I only get to shower everyother day.

[LeeAnne]

I have a three-month-old son, and I'm happy if I remember to brush my teeth before two in the afternoon. Great post!

[catizhere]

I don't shower on weekends.

We're usually down the "beachhouse" and have you ever stood in the showerstall of a travel trailer? teensy tiny. I have to stand sideaways to lift my arms to wash my hair. What's that commercial? You don't do laundry at the beach, you "salt-wash" everything...
I figure that the beach/ocean will scrub away any real dirt and the fresh ocean breeze is like my body mist.

[Miss B]

Oh my heavens. I only wash my hair every 3 or 4 days, but I jump in the shower (without getting my hair wet) every day. Twice a day, most days. This is not a big scrubbing/soapy affair every time, but I like to go to bed feeling at least rinsed off, and I need a couple of minutes of water hitting me in the morning in order to fully wake up. My building was without hot water for a week this past January, and after almost 3 days without a proper shower, I quickly discovered just How Grumpy not having a daily shower makes me. (Very Grumpy, as it turns out)

I suppose I can add this to my list of reasons why I'm never having children...

[CraezieLady]

Admittedly, I have not mastered the art of reading in the shower, BUT I can read perfectly well while soaking in a bath! Not that I get around to that as often as I should - I have four kids, who's got time to shower when one kid or another is always threatening to pour yogurt on someone's head?! Who can shower in good conscience knowing that if someone knocks on the door, one of the kids might swing it right open and invite them inside? None of my kids are in diapers any more, but maybe I'll baby wipes to me grocery list...

[kirsten]

Oh thank the gods. I feel so much better reading this, knowing I Am Not The Only One.

This is why we have blogs, isn't it? Whee.

Now, maybe I'll go take a shower..... It's 3 p.m. - perfect time of day.

[Daffodil Campbell]

Baby Wipes are amazing. They clean everything. From dirt to grease to removing the flooring glue that came up between the floorboards as we put in new wood floors (I wish I was kidding - the installation guys bought a CASE of baby wipes after seeing how well it works). And they are very moisturizing !

And that ice cold water ? Excellent for your hair (I'll bet it was VERY shiny !) Bonus - tightens the pores.

So basically, you just recreated the beauty regimen of the stars.

In conclusion, I have no idea what I did B.W. (before wipes). I must have been very dirty, with a lot of sticky stuff sticking. And I am jealous of your shiny hair.

[Vanessa]

Showers are the only thing that I DO get done, but man my hair will go unbrushed for days and days it is horrible

how do you have such fantastic hair and you say sometimes you don't even brush it or shower??

just not fair

[Barbara]

Reading in the shower, as many others have pointed out already, is perfectly doable. Back in college I used to study while taking a shower, with my papers slid in plastic covers and pressed against the wall (the water makes them stick there, so you don't even need your hands). It may require some preparation, but it's totally worth it.

[Sarah]

and some* people wonder why mothers don't feel like having wild sex every ten minutes. It is because we are unwashed with tangly hair.

* my husband.

[Katie]

My son i 6-weeks old. I am covered in poo and spit up and that STILL doesn't motivate me to find the time to bathe.

Don't feel bad.

[Carrie]

Thank you, thank you. I feel so much less like a gross frat boy. Other people don't shower everyday. I used to at one point but then my daughter came along and now. . . I just don't. What else is there to say?

Is it bad that I also don't bathe Maggie (my 10 month old) everday? Cos the doctor told me it was ok to only do it when she is smelly but still. It's usually at least once a week. That's ok, right???

[coolnanny]

I bath every other day weather I need it or not if I didn't my very clean husband would throw me in the shower. If I wasn't married It would probably be If I am offending myself its time to shower. I'm a nanny for twins so by the end of the day I think about taking a shower which I prob need but I don't have the energy

[G]

Not only do I read in the shower, I actually commented on Smart Bitches today that that was exactly the reason you don't see me buying an e-reader. Now I am a grown up, (and don't commute in slow traffic to NYC:), I no longer read while driving.

[Maureen at IslandRoar]

I'm one of the "weird night-showering" people.

But I do believe not showering is the reason God invented pony tails.

[Mary]

I have an almost 4 year old, and a 2 1/2 month old, and the only time I haven't showered at least daily was when I was deathly ill. I have very oily skin, and get stinky quickly. The hair gets washed every 2-3 days, combed, and dries pulled back into a ponytail (or, doesn't dry, whatever).

I, however, work from home, as does my hubby, so most of the time there is that extra adult around to handle things for a while, and hubby takes like AN HOUR to shower and shave, so I feel like my 10 minute shower is pretty OK.

Also, I read while driving, but only if I'm the only person in the car. Never thought about reading while showering, because the shower head is so high that I have to stand with my feet against the shower seat to not have it blast on my head constantly.

[abi]

Oh, bless you. My friend (a mom of one) and I (a mom of three) were just discussing this the other day - she showers AT LEAST every day, I'm more like every third day. Ish. But what's worse is, there are days I manage to forget to brush my teeth. Some role model I am!

The day they make a laptop I can bring in the shower with me (or maybe a waterproof Kindle?) will be the day I become a paragon of personal hygiene.

[feefifoto]

Showered or not, I occasionally get a glimpse of myself in a mirror in the evening and think "Good Lord! Have I been walking around like this all day?!" It could be anything from scary hair to seriously unmatched clothing, to, once, chocolate smeared on my cheek. It's way worse than spinach in the teeth, so why doesn't anyone tell me? My friends and family might claim that they don't want to make me feel self conscious, but I think they just want me to be a laughingstock. Little do they know, I keep a list of everyone I've seen during each day just for the purpose of someday wreaking revenge on all who left me to sway in the wind in clothes that don't match. mwahahaaaaah...

[liz]

I only shower ever second or third day unless I'm really disgusting. And I only pop my 7-year-old in the shower once or twice a week.

We do wash hands thoroughly and brush teeth religiously, though.

[Soph]

I used to run during my lunch hour, then do the baby wipe thing before heading back to my desk. I stopped after it got hot and I ended up using half a box of baby wipes a day without any sort of result that would make me even half-way presentable.

That and the fact that I dropped my underwear out of my gym bag onto the hallway floor and didn't notice for a good 20 minutes.

[Jen]

I used to read in the shower when I was a kid (around 12 or so). The shower had glass doors so I'd wedge the book behind the towel rack and read through the door as I washed. Then I'd dry my hands for page turning. Those must've been some long showers.
I always thought showers were annoying and time consuming, what with the undressing, washing, drying, dressing, blow dryer, straight iron, blah blah blah blah. Once my son was born I probably cut my average showers in half.

[Meg]

for awhile there i would wake up dreading the shower...and then i realized that i may be a little depressed. may not be your case, i'm just sayin...

[Jasie VanGesen]

Everyday showerer here. BUT... and a big BUT it is, I haven't washed my hair in 2 1/2 months! I went completely no-poo and it changed my life. Ok, maybe that's going a little far, but it's pretty much the best personal decision I've ever made. That, and getting a divorce.

I try and throw my 8 year old in the bath atleast once a week, more if he's been playing outside a bunch. That kid doesn't sweat. It's weird.

[Maggie]

I'm with abi! They have to invent the waterproof Kindle (with shower wall mount of course, it has to be hands free)! That would completely change my life!

[Frogdancer]

In Australia, with our climate, if you don't shower every day, then everyone knows it. Nothing like the sweet aroma of B.O to waft around....

[LeeAnn]

Just last week I walked around all day with a panty liner sticking out of my back pocket.....ALL DAY!! Sweeeet!

You rock, Alice!

[steph]

I was blessed, er, cursed with very oily skin and hair. I do not skip showers. Period. I tend to get itchy and cranky and generally miserable to be with otherwise.

[Emily]

I don't have kids, so I have no excuse, but there are still PLENTY of days when showering just seems like way too much effort.

[so don't want to use my name]

Play audiobooks while you are in the shower (very loudly).

And I have to say that I'm one of the people w/o kids who has gone a couple days without showering myself. However, in those situations, I will do a wet-wipe rub down if I have to go outside.

[Milla]

pardon me while i one up y'all. a mom friend of mine walked around for a half day of errands with a PANTILINER STUCK TO HER BACK. booyah.

[Jerri]

My youngest is 16, and I still forget to shower!