Once again, here's more rambling about stuff I'm doing that's not here

I have an essay in the December issue of The Sun! It's called "Eighteen Attempts at Writing About a Miscarriage," and it's about how much I love unicorns. I can hear some of you grumbling, is she still talking about that miscarriage, for Pete's sake? or probably that's my Inner Critic bashing me again, but anyway I actually wrote this quite a while ago. Now shut your mouth, Inner Critic.

Anyway, this essay was originally accepted at another magazine, and they were incredibly gung ho about it and it was amazing to see my work get that kind of reaction, and then the magazine shut down and all our hearts were broken. (Then they gave me a super-secret-special release from my contract, which is why I am not naming it, shhhh.) I couldn't think of a single other place this could go, so when The Sun stepped up I was thrilled. It's an incredible magazine, if you've never seen it, and it's pretty widely distributed. Just go to the sad little dark nook of the literary magazine area in Barnes and Noble. Right there, behind "Car and Driver."

I don't know if it's out yet, officially--but I will let you know when I see it in the bookstores and/or when it's up on their site.

Well! We've got a Momversation backlog, kids, so let's see what we've been up to over at that site, shall we? If you hate these, you may now turn away in disgust. And I know that the word "Momversation" rubs some of you the wrong way, but I swear we don't use the term all that much in the actual videos. It would be great if we did, though. "In today's Momversation, I want to Momverse with you, because I've Momserved that Moms today are BLAM." That ending was me slamming my head in a door.

Here's the video we did on depression. It felt really good to be talking about depression from the other side, and I've received many emails on this one. Depression is, clearly, a complex topic, and we couldn't really explore all the facets of it in one fiveish-minute video, but I think this was a good jumping off point for further discussion:

On a much lighter note, here's a look at our pets. Our doggies and kitties! And more!

First of all, I am wearing my workout clothes in this one, and I have crazy hair. I am getting a little too comfortable taping these things. Secondly, Charlie the Dog is terrified of the teeny video camera, for some reason, and he usually vamooses the minute I set the thing up, so I was holding onto him as firmly as possible during this and he was trembling all over and releasing every bit of fur he could part with onto my lap. It was a little sad. I'm amazed that he wasn't hairless by the time I was through with him.

And finally, my cat, I KNOW. She is enormous. What can I say? I'd tell you she's just a big-boned girl, but she actually seems to be kind of delicate in stature--at least, as far as I can tell from the parts sticking out of her gigantic midsection.

Comments

[chiefy]

Your cat's face was priceless when you called her "the beast"!

[Kari]

You read my mind on the momversatiating, but thanks for making me laugh through my annoyance. Haha.

[Jen]

I have a ginormous cat, too, and her belly actually scrapes the floor when she walks. My six year-old daughter calls the cat's belly her "dinner," as in, "Rory's dinner hangs down really far." As though the cat just ate too much for dinner and it's causing her stomach to extend and jiggle excessively. I love it.

[Debbie]

I'm so in love with Izzy!!! I'da never guessed that teeeny tiny kitten would grow up to be such a big beautiful cat!

[hi kooky]

Yes - the depression video is a great opener for the topic. Depression is such a maddening thing, with so many factors playing into it. I have struggled with it, and I have relatives who have struggled with it. You all hit the nail on the head - it's unbearable. BUT, there is hope and, like Heather said, there's a way to the other side of it. God bless those who have walked, are walking, or will walk this journey.

[tessa]

hey! i read the sun! and i read you (here)! and i wouldn't have really thought that the two of you would go together - but i'm glad that you will. my first thought is that your writing would bring some light to their sad, dark corner, and then i remebered oh, she said she wrote about her miscarriage, but somehow from you i think it might still be bright and full of life.

[Mignon]

Congratulations on The Sun! That's like the magazine holy grail for me. I even pour over the writer blurbs in the front, and will be SUPER PUMPED to see a name I know.

I like that kd lang song. It makes me happy.

[Average Jane]

I, too, have a black cat with normal-sized appendages and a huge gut. My husband and I greet her by "rubbing the Buddha belly."

[hd]

Sigh. I, too, had something in the works for That Wonderful Magazine that Shut Down. I'm still in mourning.

[kate]

I love, love, LOVE The Sun. In fact, a good portion of the reason I married my husband is because he has every. single. back. issue. My dream is be selected for Readers Write. Can't wait to see your article!

[Kelley O]

I have a big-boned girl kitty too, but I always say, "she's not fat, she's GIRTHY!" Which is slightly more original than fluffy.

[Carla]

maybe izzy needs to get her thyroid checked??

[Bremily]

Oh, I LOVE the Sun. It is so heartfelt and well written (no ads too!). From time to time I write things that I plan to submit to Reader's Write, but I never do. I cannot wait to read your piece.

[Milala]

Let me tell you, I'm studying English translation in college and even if you weren't ridiculously hilarious, I'd still read your blog because I end up looking up words like "vamoose".

[Maggie May]

A huge congratulations on your published essay! I also had a miscarriage...at 13 weeks, last June, and it was....well you know. I'd like to read your essay.

[willikat]

There are so many good magazines that have Shut Down. It makes me sad in my heart.

Congratulations on the essay! And hey, you write what you know, and you can keep writing about it as long as you like. Your feelings and thoughts can change on it, you can edit it, you can re-spin it.

Also, your cat! YOUR CAT! I love her. I can't believe she let you hold her up that way.Also Jen: about the "dinner"--that is one of the best things I've ever heard.

[bea]

Sister, you do NOT have to apologise for bring up your miscarriage again. God knows I'm still talking and thinking and hurting for mine.

On the brights side....

PETS! Seriously, don't they make all grey days just a little bit better? Our three cats, who mysteriously get fatter when we feed them less, are better than t.v.

[theaxx]

Whenever I come to your blog I laugh hysterically - today being no acception. In fact, I laughed so much that my boyfriend actually came into the room and asked me 'What was happening?!' aaah... sigh.

Hysterical I tell you. Loved the pet video too.

thea.
xx

[theaxx]

crapsticks - I mean exception - sigh, very embarrassing.

thea.

[Deb Abramson]

Congrats on your publication in The Sun. They published my very first piece about 10 yeas ago and were the kindest, most thoughtful editors I could have hoped for. (It spoiled me, actually.) Good on you, Ms. Bradley, for all the ways in which you are making things happen for yourself.

[Robin Nowak]

Oh God--POOR COOPER!! One testicle and a heart murmur... if that's not a basis for being a super hero, I don't know what is!!
IZZIE ROCKS!!! I loved how her ears went totally back as you described her DIET FOOD... SHE DIDN"T KNOW THAT!!! Now I fear for your life.
Remember the photo awhile back that you posted of her on a chair staring at your back? Remember??? I bet she's hoping you don't. And I just saved your butt, lady!!

; ) Loved the pets of momversation!!! Good one!!

[Kate House]

Hey, I admire Momversation for the simple fact that you agree to create and then allow video of yourself to be downloaded Across the World. And you don't even need hair and makeup professionals. That takes gumption, my dear.

[Laura]

Well, I read this and I was all, "I must comment and tell Alice how wonderful I think The Sun is and congratulations!" and then I saw that everyone else here said so too. Hooray!

Also, geez, thanks for finally having crazy hair and workout clothes in the video because usually you look like a glowy vision of gorgeous and I can't understand how you manage it!

[emma]

Please don't ever apologize for talking/writing/thinking about your miscarriage. It's a piece of us that will never fully heal or go away, and we shouldn't have to apologize for that. (Though yes, sometimes I do get self conscious and pick a new audience...then rotate back to the first. SUPRISE! You thought I was over it...)

[Lucy]

Congrats on the Sun! What an honor to be published! I'm a new convert to the magazine (I, too, pour over every word from the inside cover to the back). I've also managed to hook my mother, who calls me regularly to ask for her monthly fix.

[Chef C]

I had a miscarriage as well. I feel that it's the same as any other member of your family passing - it's a part of who you are and it's OK! It's never easy but talking about it can be the best way, and a positive way, to mourn.

[Elizabeth]

Congratulations on The Sun publishing your piece! I know of Sy Syfransky and he is VERY choosy. You should be very proud of yourself!

[Kim]

Excellent! Now looking forward even more than usual to receiving the December issue of The Sun. Yay!

[Jaelithe]

Your Inner Critic needs to go out for a drink or ten with my Inner Critic, and they should both get totally smashed and dance on a table. I am telling you, Inner Critics these days are waaaay too uptight.

[Lisa C]

I am so dreadfully jealous. I've been a Sun subscriber for years, and I've been rejected several times by them. I attended their workshop in northwestern Massachusetts in May and everyone was WONDERFUL!!! I even got to take a workshop with Sparrow. :) Kudos to you!!! Can't wait to read it!

[jen downey]

first time commenting, but love love love your blog. happy congrats on the sun!--it is an incredible magazine. and what a testament to your writing; you must be thrilled :) (even though the whole thing is surely bittersweet and hard). but sharing your story, in your words, is a wonderful gift to all those readers...

[J]

Thank you for contributing to and posting the Moversation about depression. It's largely because of Heather's book and blog entries like yours that helped me recognize the symptoms in my husband. He's on medication now, and his life (and our life) is much better.

[6512 and growing]

The Sun essay is wonderful, first story I read when this fabulous magazine arrived in the mailbox. Congratulations.

And fat cats are therapuetic.

And my writing process is to spend so much time with my kids that my fingernails ache but they provide acres of material and then I'm excited to sit down with the old inanimate computer, for a change of pace.

[jts]

Alice, your essay made me weep. It is more about loss, about having your heart broken, and never being able to recover. Can you recover? Will you? Will I?

You see my heartache is a completely different one, but I feel everything you say so lucidly- can you feel a dream? It seems like I'm dreaming when I read what you said, because it isn't possible that anyone could have traveled down that road, the second road of self doubts and condemnation and lived to tell about it. I don't know what keeps you alive, but if you do, please tell me. I read you once a week. I will be waiting.

[Kate]

Just got my SUN in the mail yesterday. I also read the writer blurbs in the front, and told my hubby when I saw your name, "hey, I read her blog!" (though I've never commented before. hi!) The essay was beautiful. I especially liked your tie-it-all-up-in-a-pretty-bow ending! Your writing is great and funny, and it was a joy to read it in the Sun. (By the way, for those of you that don't get the Sun, get it, it's AMAZING!)

[Rosie]

I love that which I read online of your essay... I live in Australia so I don't have access to The Sun but I am grateful for having read the part they do show... beautifully written.

[MereMortal]

My beloved Sun magazine arrived a few days ago. I read it cover to cover as usual, including your amazing piece.
But this morning, I finally read about the authors, on the first page and that's when I jumped as I recognized your website name.
YOU! YOU have been published in THE SUN!!!
Congrats.
To me, probably one of the most fantastic accomplishments a writer can claim.
Well deserved.
xoxo

[Laurie]

Hey, I'm another big fan of The Sun, and I wanted to add my congratulations to the others in these comments. My issue came today, and I didn't even make it into the house before pouring over the list of authors to find your name. It's a great magazine, and you are a wonderful writer, and so I'm happy you found each other. Way to go.

[Laurie]

Aaaaand, I just actually read your essay, which I probably should have done before posting a comment, but I was feeling all carried away. Alice, it is a beautiful essay. It can't have been easy to write. My heart felt all achy afterwards and a memory came flooding back. I'm gay and never felt the urge to "have" a baby, but then in my 30's I had to have a hysterectomy due to some, um, technical problems. Today I remembered the unexpected spasm of grief that came with the realization that "having" a baby would never be an option again. So, anyway, thank you for sharing your pain. Mine was different than yours, but somehow it connected. And I'm thankful for the Sun for stuff like that.

[Jackie]

Your essay in The Sun is wonderful. I admire how you've taken a difficult subject and added such real raw humor amid the stunning loss of it.

I've got a piece coming out in The Sun in March and am ever so thrilled about it. Reading your essay led me to want to read more by you, so I Googled you and found your blog. I'll be back. Your writing is wonderful.

[Veronica]

I love The Sun too and read your essay last night. It was just perfect. Anyone who is trying to understand what it's like to have a miscarriage should read it. You captured all the terrible, irrational nuances of the experience.

I too was momentarily stunned and panicked when I couldn't remember the due dates for the two babies that I lost (hate that verb too but what else to use?). I made a small shrine for them and included their due dates so I would never forget again.

Thanks for writing.

[Erin]

You are a brave and beautiful lady. Thank you for doing what you do.

[Megan]

I loved your article in The Sun. Congrats!

[Melody]

Hee, I'd seen this Momversation on Dooce's site, and I had to come here to tell you how much I love your cat! And now I love your writing too, so I'll be coming back. Yay Momversation!

I had a cat growing up who had a teeny head, teeny paws, and GINORMOUS middle. She was trying to clean herself once and rolled down the stairs. For some reason, no member of my family was particularly fond of this cat (she was kind of a smelly, useless cat) but everyone who came to our house LOVED her. And no one took us seriously when we tried to give her away. I liked the mean cat you had to bribe for attention. Might say something about my taste in men as well :)

[chris]

last week i was reading my copy of the sun and came across your piece, and said, wait! i read her blog! and i hadn't been here in a while to read this post, but i also wanted to chime in and congratulate you on the publication. i had a good cathartic cry while reading it (i had 2 miscarriages between kids) and will pass it on to some friends who need to read it, too. thank-you.

[Oughtsheet]

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[Melissa]

Alice,

I've read your blog before but as a non-mom haven't commented. After the depression momversation, its time. Thanks to you and Heather and the others for your openness and courage. I think that there is so much to be said for people like both of you, like me being honest about suffering from Depression. I can't count how many times people have told me "no, really, you? but you smile, you can't be depressed."

I wanted to thank you for what you said about Depression being markedly different from sadness. I've known that but wasn't able to put it to words. Such a simple and useful construct. Thank you.

You're a wonderful writer and seem to be a really lovely person. I am grateful for the way you so generously share yourself with strangers -- like me.