A long humorless screed about the evils of dessert. Get ready.

Now that I've become a fitness junkie (or, okay, a person who works out more than I did before, which was never), I've been making some changes to my diet. I won't bore you with the details of my daily menu, because truthfully nothing I've been doing is all that extreme or groundbreaking. In addition to the usual More Protein and Vegetables, Less Crap, I started eating more like an adult, and no longer inhaling, say, a tubful of brownies at a sitting.

In addition to the various dietary change-ups, I decided to stop putting sugar in my coffee. I was using agave syrup, actually, and only half a teaspoon, but still, I wanted to see if I could. And the first few days of sugarless coffee, it was like I was drinking battery acid. Battery acid mixed with a squirt of bile. I winced and drank and winced some more. (Because I will never give up coffee, people, don't try to talk me into it. I have tried. Oh, I have tried. I have tried, and suffered, and concluded that life without coffee is not the kind of living I wish I engage in.) But then, on the third or fourth day, I...liked it. It tasted fine to me. A few days after that I accidentally took a swig of Scott's coffee, and it tasted like he had dumped a bowl of candy corn in his coffee.

After a few weeks I realized that not only was I not taking sugar in my coffee, I wasn't really eating sugar, period. I mean, I was still eating FRUIT, I am not CRAZY, but I wasn't squirting maple syrup into my smoothies because I HAD TO, as I had done in the past. Also my usual daily post-lunch cookie and post-dinner cookie and post-cookie cookie had not even occurred to me. Curiously, I was also no longer falling asleep in the middle of the day, nor did I have those weird episodes of shakiness and gnawing hunger that would drive me straight to the cupboard to stick my face in a box of Fig Newmans.

Fast forward to the holidays, during which I consumed my weight in my sister's holiday cookies, as is my tradition. We had also been given a tin to take home, so naturally I ate them for the next few days as well. I figured I might as well dispatch them as quickly as possible so I could revert to my usual asceticism. I mean, YOU try not eating chocolate covered toffee bars. Can't be done.

Actually I ate only, say, 2 or 3 cookies a day. (Okay, on Christmas, I probably had more like 5. Which is a huge improvement for me.) But the thing is, I felt terrible for days. Every time I sat down I would fall into a coma. I couldn't think clearly--it felt like my brain was had both sped up and halted. Like I could only think in sentence fragments. Hostile sentence fragments. My mood went into the toilet, and after I recovered from my initial hatred of all things human and good, I moved on to abject misery. I had no friends, and never would! It was cold and gray, and always would be! Life was torment, and would end only in death! Horrible! Aloneness! BoooOOOOOoooO!

I was a lot of fun, is what I'm saying.

ANY way, I never really intended on becoming one of those "sugar is evil" people, believe me, but you guys, sugar is evil. Now that I've seen what it does to me, I want it even less. I used to worry that eating better and exercising would turn me into a jerk, but now I see that the opposite is true: when I'm not taking care of myself, that's when I lose all sense of humor. I cannot believe it took me this long to figure it out.

Comments

[DiaryofWhy]

That's food for thought, for sure. I've never considered giving up sugar before, but now it's something that I'll have to think about. (Right after I finish this cookie...)

[lateandsoon]

Those were CLOUDS in my coffee. Clouds in my coffee.

[Heather B.]

I've never really been a sugar person but yeah, I like my snickerdoodles. Anyway, have you ever tried Stevia? I love that stuff. With that in my coffee I am less likely to punch someone in the nose.

[AlisonofaGun]

This all sounds awesome but um...I really like cookies! I don't want to never have one again. But my body probably wouldn't hate it as much as my brain would. Also I feel like I'm almost famous, commenting after these three.

[bluejeanamy]

i hate how true this is! i got diagnosed with gestational diabetes a couple months ago and after sobbing for 3 days, pulled myself together and started eating better.

huuuge difference in how i felt - didn't need so many naps, wasn't hungry all the time, felt almost like a normal person? now, when i slip up and eat something sugary, i feel jittery and terrible. sigh. i miss those innocent cookie binges.

[6512 and growing]

I once gave up sugar and (gasp!) beer (but never coffee) on a candida diet and had the same reaction: eating a banana was so insanely sweet it felt like binging at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

Of course I'm back to my evil ways. But I applaud you and am inspired.

[hi kooky]

Oh man, you did it! You broke free! I've been there - and it is amazing - but I fell off the wagon and have been in the sugar ditch for a long while now. Perhaps you have inspired me to try again...

[Emma]

Amen to that! I am a nightmare to be around if I don't take care of myself. Good for you for listening to your body!

[Lina Kirkwood]

I worked for a little natural foods shop as the in-house herbalist and had the luck to talk to a lot of people. Their stories convinced me to try cutting out sugar, summer of 2007, and now there are things I just can't eat.

I don't want or crave soda, ever. I don't wish I had pop tarts, or want delicious gummy fruit snacks. I can't even eat standard commercially sweetened yogurt. It's reached a point where I actually will get a sugar hangover from drinking, not a booze-related hangover.

I've definitely fallen off the 'sugar-is-evil' wagon a time or too, and the Christmas cookies of amazing have been oh so delicious and equally made me evil.

High five for the awareness of your body! [Or, welcome to the tribe. *grin *]

[JustLinda]

Welcome to the club. I discovered the same thing in 2000 and have gotten a lot of grief for it over the years. Some of those who were most resistant to this have come around in the meantime.

I expect I'll always fall off that wagon here and there because evil things are SO good! hahah But I can observe (and feel) the effects of that in my own body.

[Sarah]

Remember that scene in When Harry Met Sally where Carrie Fisher tells Meg Ryan "You're right, you're right, I know you're right." then she goes out and continues to be stupid with men? That about sums it up. I have low blood sugar, and so when I get super low, my body tells me that the most logical solution is MORE SUGAR. So I eat a box of Hot Tamales and then wonder why I hate the whole world.

Anyway, illuminating post. I am not making any promises, but I'm going to try and believe you and try some peanut butter next time instead of a box of movie theater candy.

[Summer]

Oh no!!!! Say it isn't so!!!!

Oh my word woman....how will I live??? If living is without you?....sugar....

Buuuuuuttttt, it's a new year. A new decade, and I am trying to be open to new things.

Even if it sounds totally insane.

Plus, I want to feel like I have friends.

[Rebecca at Alice]

I think you're right. I have been very tired late last year, and I think it's because people kept giving me sweets. I never buy sweets or junk food, but if people give it to me, I'll eat it because I don't want to waste it. As I've tried to eat healthier to climb out of the holidays, I've felt much better. We should all promise to give each other fruit baskets next year instead of cookies and chocolate, ha.

[Barb]

I know you are totally right about sugar... just don't know if I'm strong enough... must try to resist the evil.....

[Slim]

There, there, all. Alice didn't say sugar was evil for everyone; her story was about how sugar is evil for her.
Laying down the law for other people is entire too Jane Brody. I do not expect to see it in this space. Unless Alice eats sugar again, at which point all bets are off.
PS to Rebecca at Alice: Tell yourself that eating something that's going to make you feel like crap is a waste, and toss at will! It's very liberating.

[Mrs. Sitcom]

We've noticed we don't have the FEED ME NOW IMMEDIATELY FASTER FASTER problem with less coffee, too. And, I can't believe I used to only drink SUGAR SUGAR coffee...crazy. Candy corn reaction here, too!

[Lori]

Consuming lots of junk affects my mood, too. I become negative and moody and lazy. I must begin steps to ween myself after the holiday eating marathon. Congrats for curbing the sugar in the coffee habit. I'm a Splenda person but I don't think that is the healthiest of choices. I'll never give up coffee, either. It's not as bad as you think. There is a brand new study that says coffee consumption can prevent prostate cancer up to 60 percent. Tell your husband. :-)

[Tina]

I have PCOS and therefore blood sugar problems so I really have to watch my sugar intake. What I have found though is that chocolate...and I mean REALLY GOOD chocolate, like 70% high grade stuff is AWESOME. Also, I am laughing at your thoughts on coffee. I used to take my coffee sweet and full of milk. But then I had a baby and now if you put anything sweet in my coffee...I'll take your legs off! And take away my coffee? I won't even say the scary things that come to mind. Don't listen to anyone who tries to talk you into giving up coffee...that is evil!

[Meredith Elliott]

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. You have convinced me. I believe you. I don't WANT to believe you, but I do. And I'm greatful to you for enlightening me, I really am... BUT I LOVE SUGAR!!
But I've also resolved to lose 50 lbs this year, and I know that giving up sugar will be a GREAT BIG help! So thanks again and good luck to you and me!

[Marci]

I gave up most sugar early in the Fall when I started the Flat Belly diet (amazing!!). But then the holidays showed up and I am still eating the cookies because they are right here. I have been dizzy and cranky for several days and I bet it's the sugar. Thanks for the reminder. I switched to Splenda in the coffee but wonder if I could go to black. Hmmmmm.....

[Cindy]

Now the next step is seeing Food Inc. That put me on freak-out mode for a good two weeks. My husband gave up sugar in his coffee last year. I was surprised considering the amount of sugar to coffee ratio he was used to using and then to go cold turkey. But now, it's no big deal.

Good for you!

[lesli]

I love sugar, oh, how I love it, especially in the form of CHOCOLATE. But I did once go through a phase wherein I exercised, ate no fast food, no fried foods, and radically cut back on sugar intake, and my, I felt fine! Not sure why I backslid, but I did, and giving up sugar (for me) is next to impossible, but it is evil. It's actually super-evil because when you eat it, it makes you crave more. And more. Kind of like you already said. *sigh* Anyway, if there isn't a Sugar Anonymous, there ought to be.

[Anna]

THAT IS ME.

Sugar's not the only thing that does it to me, though - white bread, pasta and rice also knock me out and turn me into a sluggish, whiny, anxious person.

Dehydration will do that to me, too. If I ever start to fall back into the habit of only drinking juice or tea, I'm a wretched awful thing until I wise up and start drinking a tall glass of water with every meal.

[Katie]

Dude. I hear you. I am the exact same way. So, I gave it up. Cause it turns out that while not eating sugar turns me into a righteous asshole, eating sugar turns me into a maniacal addict asshole. Basically, sugar is my cocaine. I will sell you on the street for a hit.

Life without sugar though? It's kind of sublime. If only I could figure out how to make nutella without it.

[Daphne]

I'm not a total sugar junkie but I do like it every so often. however, last night I had some ice cream way too late (past 10) and I could NOT get to sleep because of the heart racing and amped-up feeling, which I had never noticed before. So, okay. Yeah. continuing on the low-sugar plan. with occasional breaks for brownies. because life without brownies is not worth living.

[Maria]

This is so depressing. I want to want to give up sugar but I don't. I love my treats and I feel like the only thing making life worth living these days is a couple a cookies with a glass of milk at bedtime and, yes, sometimes a PEPSI COLA. I know, I am evil and weak.

Also I don't want to take my vitamins and my fish oil and I don't want to eat vegetables and I don't want to take care of myself.

[Diapermonologues]

I wish I wasn't eating a chocolate chip cookie while I was reading this....

[Craig K.]

Its not so much the sugar but the High Fructose Corn Syrup. I had a 14 coca-cola a day habit and they were mostly 20 oz. Stop doing it people. It took me two weeks and the first week was pure hell, migraines, shaky, night sweats, however at the beginning of the second week it got better and gets better daily. I have also noticed I dont take in any extra sugar. Cake cookies sweets are all kinda gross now.

[Sarah]

Sugar is like cocaine to me. And gluten is like a sleeping pill. "Make food your medicine."

[Paula]

I'd write more but I'm about to pass out after polishing off the last of the Ben & Jerry's..
paula
www.adhocmom.com

[Shannon]

This is amazing! Seriously, you sound just like me, so I really wonder if giving up sugar is the answer to a lot of my problems. I have been trying since New Year's Day to cut WAY down on my junk food consumption (yeah, I know it's only been 4 days, but this is a huge improvement for me), so I'm already thinking about this stuff to some degree. Still, I had not given up sugar completely. Maybe I should.

[Andrea]

Right on. I feel crappy like that when I haven't exercised too, which is miserable considering I ate too many goodies AND avoided exercising over break. It kind of stinks getting back into a food/exercise routine, but who can actually survive the holidays without the sweet stuff?

And the comment from Cindy -- Food, Inc changed the way my family eats! Eeek!

[Margarita]

I really hate you for revealing this truth but I know you're right. Blah.

[Evany]

I was worried that this was where you were headed with this post. NO SUGAR? Can't I live in some alternate universe where the key to achieving happiness and productivity is EXTRA SUGAR? God damn it?

[suburbancorrespondent]

Na, na, na, na! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

[tnishee]

Amen! I learned all of this about myself when I had gestational diabetes. I feel exactly the same when I have sugar...but I'm not saying that really stops me as much as it should. I'm just saying I have some perspective.

[Veronica]

I'm not ready to give up sugar yet, not after having to give up gluten due to my daughter having Coeliacs.

That said, it probably is on the agenda eventually.

I found giving up gluten to be the same though, if I don't eat it, I'm fine, but when I do, I'm a total bitch. Apparently in some people, gluten works like cocaine, including coming with a side of withdrawal symptoms. Fun.

[MsCellania]

True, dat.
Same is also true for wheat for me.
I tried a beignet over Christmas, and lordy me, I was sick as a dog. Sugar AND wheat? What was I thinking?
Mostly butter cookies are not as evil. Like shortbread, etc. Take a digestive aid with enzymes and you might sneak by cheating once in a while.

[Barbara]

I was having all sorts of anxiety issues (Waves, frankly. Big tsunami waves of panic at odd times, and a low-grade swampy level of anxiety all the time), and a nice therapist told me to stop sugar. I thought she was insane. But I did, eventually, stop eating all sugar - and I cannot believe the difference in how I feel. I miss it, sometimes, but not as much as I thought I would, and not having to breathe into a paper bag is pretty awesome.

[Kari]

Oh Crap. I'm already on the organic train, now i have to quit sugar too? What will my diet even consist of?

[Leslie]

I've always been more of a savory person than a sweet person. I could shun ice cream but OHMYGODPOTATOCHIPS!!!! Unfortunately, the last year or so has seen a turn for the worse. But! I had the same realization you did, and it also started with coffee! I stopped putting anything but milk in my coffee when my work switched to only having fake sugar and WHOA, the difference.
Good for you in combating the evil demon of sugar. Now, pass the salt :)

[Kathleen]

Well timed post.
I don't know when the sugar ramped up again, but somewhere along the line I lost track of that bit of hard-learned wisdom and I am grateful to be reminded.
Something has got to give, and although I've already caved about 4 times since reading this, that is actually an improvement over the holiday binging!
So, onward and upward - it is time.

[Janefilms]

Oh dude, you said it. I've been fighting with this one for years. I gave it up again around Halloween and started a fun blog called fu sugar (linked below). I also made a movie called 'The Girl Who Couldn't Stop Crying' about me when quit eating sugar. ALL the feelings and all the reality of life come crashing in. But then, as you say, it really gets better and the depression lifts and then you realize what total crack sugar really is.

Thanks for the great post!

[berdie]

I did the same thing with chocolate milk that you did with coffee. I can't stand plain milk, so I drink chocolate milk, yum. For years I made it with Nestle's Quik, but when I had gestational diabetes, I tried making it with just plain cocoa powder. I hadn't liked that when I'd tried it as a little girl, but my adult palate got used to it fairly easily. When I tried using the Quik again after my daughter was born, it was nasty. Way too cloyingly sweet. I'm back to my sugary ways, but I'm still drinking my milk with plain cocoa powder, 15 years later. One good habit retained, at least.

And yeah, fruit was amazing then, too.

[Big Dot]

Each time I've come to the US, I've thought how friendly and cheerful you guys are - but boy, do you eat a lot of sugar. Even your bread tastes sweet. If you all cut back and the effects were as Finslippy reports, what might you be like THEN???

And I ate half a chocolate panda before bed last night and couldn't get to sleep for hours and hours.

[Julie]

How did you have the will power to not the cookies/sugar/everything-else-that-is-good-and-tasty-in-this-world? Honestly, I would lvoe to know. I know I eat too many sweets but I can't seem to stop! I would like to lose 20 pounds and I'm sure cutting out sugar woudl drop 10 of it easily but I just can't stop. Excuse me while I go consume a candy bar....

[Amy]

Hooray for kickin' sugar! I don't eat a whole lot of sweet stuff, but when I do, I always feel awful, so I avoid. My husband, on the other hand, would eat chocolate for breakfast, lunch and dinner... and snack. He's totally addicted and there's no detox programme that will work! :)

[TitanKT]

I've never been one to eat or drink a lot of sugar. I enjoy an occasional cookie, sure, but I never have and never will eat them on a regular basis. No soda pop, no sugar (or any sweetener in coffee or tea).

However, I heartily believe what you've said because I once went two or three months without eating meat (mostly because I was too broke to ever afford it) and when I finally did consume a hamburger, I felt very heavy and gross and kind of lethargic afterward and the ickyness lasted for a few days. UGH.

Interestingly, this did not turn me into a vegetarian. But I eat meat, especially red meat, much less often than most people. Again, it's a cost issue as much as anything else, along with it's just easier and faster to fix dinners after work that include only pasta and veggies or whatever.

[Wackado]

Umm...hate to be a jerk but is there any way possible your sister would share the recipe for chocolate covered toffee bars?
For a really special occasion?
Like next Christmas?
Honestly.

[Alexandra]

Oh, you are SO very right.

I read "The Sugar Book," and found out about how bad it is for you: giving you wrinkles, hardening of the arteries, worsening eczema and asthma, fluctuating blood sugar levels. No thank you. All done with the sugar.

Gotta stay committed.

Now, the coffee: see, the coffee is good for me as in .."bacon...bacon is good for me."

Happy New Year, missed you so!