Look, I’m generally a fan of celebration, but New Year’s Eve is the worst holiday ever. Am I right, folks? Can I get an amen? Why are you all looking at me like that? What are you pocketing—are those sparkly 2010 glasses? What party did you all go to and why wasn’t I invited?
I just can’t get into New Year’s. If we stay in, I’m certain I missed something, and if we go out, I have to kiss people I don’t know and there’s noise and my feet hurt from the high heels and I’m wondering why I didn’t just stay home. Bah.
I may be crankly this morning (crankly? I’m leaving it) because my building neighbors all decided the advent of a new year was a perfect excuse to unleash their heretofore-contained need to DEAFEN THE WORLD. Open your doors, folks! Play that thumpy-thump music louder! Do you have an air horn? Well then BLOW IT! Blow it so all the world can hear that you are, you know, alive, and you are capable of blowing things! That sounded wrong! OH WELL!
We decided we’d stay in and “enjoy” a “quiet” New Year’s, just Henry and Scott and myself, and all was well until the stroke of midnight, when there was some inexplicable squabbling as the ball dropped and we began the New Year with tears and recrimination. How festive! Just as we all made up, the building went insane. It seems a massive celebration was raging in our building all that time, and yet we didn’t hear a single peep, not a footstep outside our door, until the stroke of midnight. Suddenly there was shouting and bombs were going off and we all made a run for our beds and hid under the covers, praying for a quick ending to whatever was going down in the rooms around us.
Fortunately Henry was exhausted enough to drop right off, noise be damned, but it took the two of us a little longer. We somehow managed to get to sleep by, oh, two a.m., and were then awakened at FIVE by some drunken neighbors in the hall, leaning against our DOOR and yes I realize I am CAPITALIZING random WORDS. I listened to some guy I’ve never seen before leaning against our door (why yes I WAS peeping through the peephole—that’s what it’s for!) loudly questioning another guy about where he was going to do…something. Drugs? Urination? Unclear. “You going to do that outside? Not in here? Are you going to do it in the hall right here? Or you going home?” Murder? Knitting? What was going on?
At this point Scott arrived and took the bull by the horns by opening the door and informing this total stranger that the hallway wasn’t the best place to carry on an INCREDIBLY LOUD conversation and could he maybe go back to, you know, his own place of residence. We got a look at this guy, and oh my, was he drunk. So, so drunk. Eyes rolling in the head, weaving around drunk. He just kept saying “It’s New Year’s Eve!” (“It’s New Year’s day,,” I observed) and telling us he’s lived in the building for 20 years. 20 years! That gives you tenure, or whatever, so of course you can do drugs or murder in the hallway or at least TALK about it, geez.
So listen, I haven’t had much sleep, and I’m in a little bit of a bad mood and I may be contemplating running up and down the stairs with a large pan and a mallet and making some traditional New Year’s Day Racket for my hungover neighbors to enjoy, SEE HOW THEY LIKE IT. But in all truth, 2009 was kind of amazing for the Finslippy household—sucky for the rest of the world, sure, but total aces for us!—and I’m sure 2010 will be even better. Once I get some sleep. And stop wondering what that guy was going to do in the hallway. His taxes? Really, I can’t figure it out.
Last night, my 5 year old said "New Year's Eve is kind of lame."
I choose to believe she was making an astute observation of the holiday overall and not a comment on how lamely her parents choose to celebrate it.
Posted by: JustLinda | January 01, 2010 at 12:38 PM
You could have been describing my New Year - except my revenge this morning was cranking up an 800Watt tile saw to help all those hangovers achieve maximum capacity. Well, I just had to cut that last tile for the bathroom...
Happy New Year :-)
Posted by: LondonMisfit | January 01, 2010 at 12:44 PM
Ouch - I there WOULD have been murder in the hallway if it had been me - I'm pretty crankly when I don't get my sleep either.
You're hilarious.
Posted by: The Bug | January 01, 2010 at 12:49 PM
Amen.
Posted by: hi kooky | January 01, 2010 at 12:54 PM
Yay, you are cranky too!!!
Anyone else?! It's a PARTY!
Posted by: Holly | January 01, 2010 at 02:29 PM
Crankly is a FABULOUS word. Thank you for adding to my vocabulary...as well as to my enjoyment of 2009. Love to read what you write as you do it so very well. May 2010 be fabulous for you and all you love.
Posted by: Sheila | January 01, 2010 at 03:01 PM
Thanks Alice. Best blog post of 2010!
Posted by: Jenn | January 01, 2010 at 03:42 PM
Haha, I think the holiday is overrated as well. We've made a tradition of staying in, partly to avoid disappointment of going out, saving money, and as a way to relax after the holidays. I really enjoy it. Although, we had loud people at 6am as well - eek!
Posted by: Rebecca at Alice | January 01, 2010 at 03:50 PM
I count NY Eve among the top reasons that I fled Brooklyn--my condolences to you. At least you are able to be brilliantly funny, in addition to crankly, about it.
Posted by: Lynne Marie Wanamaker | January 01, 2010 at 04:04 PM
Ha ha, that's what's hardest about NY Eve -- the expectations! We stayed in with some friends and put the kids down for an early bedtime. That never disappoints :).
Posted by: Unplanned Cooking | January 01, 2010 at 04:50 PM
HAHA - we are lame and didn't even try to stay up past 9:30. Instead we got a wonderful night's sleep, and I woke up to enjoy the first day of the year instead of feeling miserable and tired. Hooray for the bah-humbug spirit towards New Years Eve! :)
Posted by: Rebekah | January 01, 2010 at 07:26 PM
I've always said there was a fine line between murder and knitting. Who knows what sort of malice Scott thwarted in your hallway? IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANYTHING.
Posted by: Badger | January 01, 2010 at 08:43 PM
Yes, and there was me in bed before midnight too, and up bright and early enjoying a walk in the beautiful fresh morning feeling super-smug going past all those houses still with drawn curtain. Nothing like a good dose of moral superiority for getting a new decade off to a splendid start!
Looking forward to another year of your brilliant blog, Alice. Happy New Year!
Posted by: Big Dot | January 01, 2010 at 09:00 PM
I'll give you an amen. It's so totally Amateur Night.
May I just say an eensy something about those stupid 2010 glasses? Apart from the very unfortunate braids so many people get while on a cruise, those glasses are the least flattering thing on the FACE OF THE EARTH.
Anyway. Watch out for hallway knitting. Sounds bad.
Posted by: Kate @ And Then I Was a Mom | January 01, 2010 at 10:28 PM
I spend every New Year's Eve curled up with my little boy, kissing his sweet face while he sleeps. This will undoubtedly piss off his future girlfriends, but they can just bite me.
Posted by: Susan | January 01, 2010 at 11:18 PM
Oh, how I wish I had found your writing earlier! At least though, here on day one of 2010, I have the chance to keep reading your wonderful words! I live in a small town and am planning a move to Seattle. My sons live there and I want to be closer to them. Too many years in a quiet place and I am ready for some loudness and people who stay up past 9pm! Here's to towns, large and small, and whatever goes along with them!
Susan's comment= funniest ever!
Posted by: Diana Field | January 01, 2010 at 11:52 PM
Oh, I've missed your posts - so funny! Wishing you continued goodness in 2010!
Posted by: kristi | January 02, 2010 at 12:33 AM
Hurray! You're here. All's well.
Posted by: Sophie | January 02, 2010 at 09:16 AM
Happy New Year, Alice!
Best wishes to you and yours in 2010-- however you choose to celebrate (or not.)
Posted by: roo | January 02, 2010 at 05:44 PM
Come on Alice. It's one night! And if it didn't exist the goings-on that inspired this post wouldn't have existed and therefore this post would not have existed and we would not have all just had a great laugh to begin the New Year. Thank YOU!
Posted by: Guera! | January 02, 2010 at 07:48 PM
NYE is the worst holiday, I agree.
Posted by: Sally | January 02, 2010 at 08:33 PM
Nothing says Welcome to A New Year with Hope and Sunshine and Puppies, like a drunken fool keeping you awake all night! :)
Posted by: kaylen | January 03, 2010 at 02:50 AM
Haha, that should totoally be our new New Year's Day tradition!
Posted by: Fable | January 03, 2010 at 12:16 PM
I love it. I totally envy your New Year's. Congratulations on the Best New Year's Ever.
Posted by: jael | January 03, 2010 at 01:11 PM
You are so awesome
Posted by: QueenSarah | January 03, 2010 at 03:05 PM
I'm with you on that one! And I always feel like I have to justify myself for not wanting to party it up on that particular night!
This year Cirque de Soleil was doing their show here, so we did that and then just a nice dinner.
Posted by: Excelita | January 03, 2010 at 04:02 PM
I haven't seen midnight on NYE in eons (I abhor forced fun). But this year we sent the kids to grandma's, put on some glitter and stayed out until 6AM. Yes. 6AM in the MORNING. Fun to mix it up every decade or so. But you don't get to feel smug in the morning.
Posted by: Samantha | January 03, 2010 at 06:06 PM
Happy New Year !! I keep want to start this comment with ‘good’ or ‘nice’ or ‘great’ but none of these seems strong enough, or appropriate enough for what you just posted.Just fantastic and mindblowing blog keep it up..!!!
Posted by: saksham | January 04, 2010 at 04:11 AM
Ha ha I totally agree! The expectations are simply tooo high. My New Year's Eve was much the same except for the guys (planning to knit/murder/whatever) in the hall LOL!
Thanks
Eve
evefm.wordpress.com
Posted by: Eve | January 04, 2010 at 04:48 AM
The very worst thing about New Year's Eve is that it's my f'ing birthday. I spent years trailing people to huge parties where I don't know anyone, or trying to trump the holiday with a blowout party of my own. Now I just go to bed at 10 pm and forget the whole thing.
Posted by: Beth | January 04, 2010 at 09:29 AM
As holiday, it has potential... but the timing is all wrong. One week after Christmas, everyone is still bloated, broke and cranky.
Now, Chinese New Year is far more civilized... give us a month to recover from Christmas, and make the holiday about eating.
Win, win.
Posted by: Karen | January 04, 2010 at 11:53 AM
Amen. New year's eve sucks. I refuse to acknowledge it as a holiday. The "traditions" surrounding it seem to be rooted in the worst aspects of our culture. And why, of all days, do you want to be hungover and miserable on the first day of a new year? Sorry your neighbors made that choice for you. Maybe next year you should spend it in the country.
Posted by: spoiledonlychild | January 04, 2010 at 02:51 PM
Amen to that sister! I hate New Year's Eve! Stinkiest holiday EVER!
Posted by: libby | January 04, 2010 at 05:51 PM
Amen, sister. Amen.
Although I do have a penchant for fireworks. But other than that, New Year's stinks.
Posted by: Dawn | January 04, 2010 at 09:59 PM
I hate it, too. I keep thinking there must be a way to fix it -- stay in with good food? -- but whatever you do, the expectations just kill it. I have tried camping and even that wasn't enough to overcome it. It's just too weighted to ever really work. Strangely, Christmas isn't, and really, if there's a holiday that ought to sink under expectations, that's it.
Posted by: readersguide | January 06, 2010 at 03:18 PM
Well, I was going to say how I haven't always liked NYE, but then I gave birth on this last one, and then I read Beth's comment. I kept telling my little one to wait, Beth, I did, I wanted a January baby, but she had other ideas. Now I'm panicking over her future birthdays. Dang.
Posted by: Kim | January 08, 2010 at 08:41 PM
New Years Eve as a holiday is stoopid. Worse, I have to share my dumb birthday with it and this year I turn 40. I was watching the Sex and the City movie at about 12:25 AM ans grunted to my spouse. dumb.
Posted by: jenB | January 11, 2010 at 02:37 AM