Of course in reality we are grateful for our health and blah blah blah

I was talking with my friend Abby, who had just suffered through several sick-kid-induced sleepless nights, and was losing her mind a little bit.

Abby: I need a break. I need a good reason to lie down for a few days.
Me: I know. When Henry was sick last week and sneezed in my face, part of me got a little excited. Because then I'd be really sick, and I'd have to take to my bed.
Abby: I totally get that, except I dream about getting in an accident.
Me: Excuse me?
Abby: Not a bad one, of course. Just getting banged up enough that I have to stay in the hospital for a couple of days. For observation. Of course the kids wouldn't be in the car, just me. I don't want anyone else getting hurt.
Me: This is sad, Abby. Why couldn't you just get sick?
Abby: It wouldn't work. I have three kids, they'd still need me all the time. Then I'd be sick and in charge.
Me: No, but in my fantasies I'd be so sick that Scott would have to take over. I'd be too feverish to be left alone.
Abby: Nope. They'd still get at me. Even if Nate were home. There's always one who'll sneak away and demand something from me.
Me: That's a good point.
Abby: That's the advantage of the only child. You get to just have the flu. I need a car accident.
Me: Oh dear.
Abby: I NEED IT.

Comments

[Amy B.]

I've only had the accident wish about a thousand times.

On time I had to be hospitalized for a really bad kidney stone. Once the morphine kicked in, it was the best three days of my life. I read a whole book! I ate and peed whenever I wanted without anyone bugging me!

Yes, ladies, spending time at your local medical resort is all it's cracked up to be.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

OMG, I used to wish for a minor car accident ALL THE TIME when I was working a million hours (this is pre kids) and so burnt out.

I totally get what she means. I've been sick only a handful of times since having three, and even if I can "hide" in bed, there is no escaping the kids. It's sad that when I had to go to the hospital to birth another child, I got as excited as if I was going to stay in a 5-star hotel for a few days.

[Janene]

I actually think back with fond memories of my stay at the hospital a few month ago to have my twins. Even though I still had them with me, I could have someone else take care of them whenever I needed a break and didn't have to worry about my 2 and 3 year-old. Someone else cooked and cleaned up for me (not that the food was great).

Ahhh...I get a little misty eyed thinking about those wonderful nurses.

Great Post - makes me feel a little bit more sane for some of the thoughts I have, too. Thanks! :)

[abbyglassenberg]

When we were teaching in the Mississippi Delta with Teach For America and we had hellish jobs, my roommate used to keep yogurt in her car in the Delta heat for a few days. She felt sure that if she ate sketchy yogurt she could induce food poisoning and get to legitimately stay home for at least a day. You know it's bad when it comes down to making and eating sketchy yogurt.

[Karen]

I have three kids that are all over me ALL THE TIME. Last week, I had horrible food poisoning. As I lay on the floor next to the toilet after 6 hours of wretching, my 7 year old asked me if I could get him a snack. My husband was downstairs, in the kitchen, and my son came upstairs to ask me to get him food. Throughout the day, all three of my kids found me to ask for the following: scratching one's back, clipping one's nails, assistance with finding a video game, and dozens of requests for drinks.

Hospitalization would have been a dream.

[Mental Momma]

I also wish for illnesses, but it will never happen. The kids can vomit in my hands and I still NEVER get sick.

But a minor accident? Hmmm.

[Mary]

HILARIOUS! And even with 1 I think I would have to have the accident.

[chiefy]

My boyfriends kids NEVER ask me for help. THey don't care if I'm sitting right next to them and he's in the shower (after telling them he'll be TWO MINUTES)... they just need to know what a word says on their video game and will burst into the bathroom as though it's a terrible emergency.

[Mika Mosier]

OMG I've never actually said it out loud because I was afraid people would think I was crazy! But I find myself fantasizing all.the.time about having a car accident or something that puts me in the hospital. with 5 kids, that's definitely the only way I'll get a break!

[JustLinda]

I fantasize about my appendix bursting. Do I win, then??

I used to have a kid just to get 8 weeks off work but I've discovered that there is a price to pay for that time off, so I no longer do that.

But I think I could handle a burst appendix.

[sue]

It's bizarre isn't it? Last week 2 of my kids had a violent stomach flu and I secretly HOPED I would catch it. I didn't. This week I've been thinking how I would settle for a hellish snow storm, maybe even a short power outage. I live in Az. My dreams never come true.

[Kelly]

I wish for appendicitis too. Added bonus of weight loss.

[Michelle W.]

ROFLMAO!! I am so glad I am not alone! I was in the hospital last month for a bladder infection and I still fantasize about it. LOL.

[leah]

So glad I'm not the only one. Anyone fantasize about fire so they won't have to clean the house?

[Kalisa]

I've had the car accident fantasy for YEARS. I would drive to work on the expressway and actually picture myself plowing my car into a tree. Nice to know it must be normal. I guess it's only crazy if you actually plow your car into a tree.

[Marinka]

My friend (mother of three boys. Young. The boys, not my friend. Although she's definitely not old) had to have an MRI for her knee or something. She likened the experience to being in a spa.

[Beth]

I have three kids, and I have a nasty cold. I'm not getting any sleep to speak of, since one of my kids is even sicker than I am, and my husband is away on business--how convenient! Hospitalization is sounding pretty good right about now.

[Melinda Stacer]

I totally get the accident wish. I had a stomach virus last week, and I has the delusional thought that my husband would pick up the slack while I was sick. Yeah, NO! When I started feeling better there were dishes piled in the sink and across the counter, the trash was overflowing on the floor, and the house was a complete mess. It is great to deal with dirty, crusty dishes (that I have to wash by hand) when you only stopped puking a few hours before. Fun times.

[LPC]

When mine were little, almost 20 years ago, I too used to wish that I could get so sick that I couldn't have to get out of bed. That the baby would just be brought to me, and then carried away happy when I had nursed him. Some things don't change, evidently.

[lb]

I just had awful stomach flu yesterday, and my husband did a pretty decent job of keeping the kids off of me. I could still hear the yelling, but at least they weren't in my room. Much. Problem is that now my house is a complete disaster. Everywhere I look theres a half a banana or an empty cereal bowl. I guess the children were kind of 'free range' yesterday.

So the sick/injured day is awesome, I'll agree to that. I enjoyed every second when I wasn't puking. But is it really worth it for what you come back to?

[carolyn]

YES! This is me! Being sick just isn't enough.

[Sandra]

I had surgery last week (appendix removed)and while the nurse was putting on my compression stockings I told her that I felt like I was being pampered. (She said they hear that alot from women). Then I got to stay Overnight!!! Someone brought my breakfast IN BED and I got to take a shower without someone bursting in and asking for a snack. I have three little ones - I have no privacy. I got to watch all the trash TV I wanted. I was living the high life. Sadly I had to leave. Maybe one day I'll get to go back...

[becks]

My husband and all three kids had the flu a couple of weeks ago - vomitting, dirrhea, fevers, coughing, hacking, runny noses, cold hands, hot hands, headaches, sore throats - they were pathetic. And no matter what I did, I COULDN'T GET SICK. I was the one at 3am changing sheets and doing laundry and rinsing out puke buckets and rubbing backs of people hunched over the toilet and getting sips of water (too cold!) and then the next morning, I was the one up at the crack of dawn making dry toast and weak tea and WHY CAN'T I GET SICK???
So I can empathize with Abby. My only concern would be that they would be out of private hosiptal rooms and I'd have to share one with someone who had a stream of constant visitors and I wouldn't get any peace at all. Plus the guilt. THE GUILT! I feel like I'm on borrowed time when I leave my husband with all 3 kids while I dash upstairs to put away laundry.
God, I need to go back to work.

[Amy]

Recently I've begun to realize I'm not the only one with that fantasy. I read reading this (http://www.superherodesigns.com/journal/archives/001882.html) the other day and it really hit home.

OK, so a lot of us feel like this sometimes. What do we DO about it? How can we force everyone around us to take up the slack so we can escape for a few days without bodily injury?

[Mrs F with 4]

My family doctor, also the mother of a multitude of small children, suggested that she write both of us a prescription for some Serious Rest (probably involving a spa), before we GOT sick. I laughed. Then she called me a couple of days later to say she'd written it up and I should go pick it up!

I love my doctor.

[Angie]

Goodness, my youngest (of three - I also have a 4 year old daughter and an insane-whirling-dervish 2 year old son) is five months old and I have been fantasizing about a car accident since the morning I brought her home. I've been sick several times in her short life but, unfortunately, not sick enough for a hospital visit. I too fear that a car accident is my only hope of a true vacation. My husband is wonderful, but outnumbered, and sadly, a "dude" who is occasionally flabbergasted by the demands of small children.

What did our mothers do when they needed a break? I feel so selfish sometimes when I think of my mom with two kids 17 months apart living in the boonies with no car and two neighbors. Two neighbors she didn't even like.

Alas, the guilt does not make me stop dreaming of a minor car accident.

[Tinkersdamn]

I was hospitalised for a week last last July... really ill, no diagnosis, left me with Chronic Fatigue. The house was a wreck when I got home. GRRR.
The in December I had to fly back to the US for 12 days for a double funeral... I thought SURELY when I returned at least the tree would be up, or the clothes washed or something. Anything. Nope.

On the upside if I snap and strangle my husband, I'm pretty sure I can get off due to insanity.

[Elizabeth]

Oh God I dread getting sick what with the nursing my daughter and my son's constant demands. Whenever I am sick my Husband always lets someone by--in my more paranoid moments I suspect him of actually sending someone up to bother me. Oh but a hospital stay for a minor problem(as long as it didn't require an i.v.) that would be lovely.

[kristen]

I left my three children home with their father for 24 hours. complete bliss. until I got home and had to deal with the aftermath. worth it? I don't know. I totally get that wish though.

[bouncy]

Wow...I am not alone. Thank you for sharing.

[Andrea]

I'm not a mom, but I SO EMPATHISE! When I worked in fashion, I used to have fantasies of getting into an accident and ending up in a coma so that I could just get some rest. How sad is that?

[Alexandra]

I can remember looking forward to labor and delivery...because then I'd be out of the house for a few days...

Can you imagine??!!

[Jessica]

There is no reality Alice, keep making shit up. Oh, and read Earl's post today for inspiration to design your future by.

http://earlpomerantz.blogspot.com

[winsome]

Hilarious!!! I've fantasized about similar things but have never told anyone. I always thought that I would regret those fantasies if a sickness or accident ever really happened. It strikes me that a number of women here have been sick/in the hospital and loved it!

[RLJ]

On my first meeting with a psychologist to do battle with post natal depression (horrible, horrible state that I was in) I was somewhat disappointed that he wouldn't lock me up!
Flu, vomiting bugs, strep throat: it all makes no difference; I am still on call for the kids and even my work just piles up on my desk so it's even more unmanageable when I drag my sorry butt back in.

Instead of illness, I have moved on to a more sophisticated fantasy of commiting a minor, but not too minor criminal offence and being jailed. Same conditions, but no sickness. Yay!

[Sue from Navel Gazing]

Oh how I wish this weren't true.

I dream about being committed all the time. I imagine lots of comfy pillows, time for reading, time for napping.

Unfortunately, I have my mental health.

[melissa]

I am so glad I'm not the only one wishing for accidents or injuries. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me. There may still be, but that isn't it. Thank you.

[patois]

Every mother's fantasy, sure.

[Alicia]

I have four children under nine. I TOTALLY GET THIS.

[Blabbermouse]

You people are SICK.

I'm kidding. I'm so right there with you. Sometimes I dream of getting pregnant again, just so I can be in the hospital for those two precious days with nurses to care for me and the new baby while my husband's at home watching the other two.

It's a solid strategy, no? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

[Lynn]

I have four kids. And we just had a snowstorm. So no school for the older ones. And not only that, but I have PMS. So I just posted on my blog about how I wished Aliens would abduct my kids. Not for long, you know, just for a couple of days for observation or whatever it is that aliens do with people when they abduct them and then bring them back. And of course they would erase the kids' memories of it, so they would be none the wiser and I would just get a couple of days alone, like in a time warp. Anyway, it's here: http://feedingmyhungry.blogspot.com/

[Mary @ Holy Mackerel]

I thought I was alone in this thought. I think this can be called desperation, no?

[Bitethebedbugs]

I like to dream I've been sent to jail. Like maybe for six months, to like a white collar prison. With an exercise yard and a tv and maybe my own cell. The kids could visit, but that's it. I need to figure out what the crime would be to get me sent there. Maybe stealing mail? That's a felony right?

[Rebecca]

So I'm not alone in this? Wow! I've actually considered having another kid just to get a hospital stay (and I'd pray for some minor complication so I could milk it for a few days). However, reality quickly sets in and I know it would just make it worse and longer in the long run.

[edj]

This makes absolute sense to me. Even now, at 12, the twins are COMPELLED by some strange mystical force to enter my room and wake me up the instant I manage to fall asleep during a rare nap.

[sophiefair]

i'm with sue from navel gazing. a nice quiet spell in the mental hospital has been a secret fantasy of mine since my eldest was born nearly 14 years ago...

[Kari]

Oh my gosh you guys are totally crazy!! Just kidding, I dream daily about when I'll once again have the luxury of peeing by myself without two acrobatic clowns jumping all over the bathroom and trying to sit on my lap. For heavens sake isn't anything sacred anymore?!

[Aimee]

O.M.G.

Thank you for affirming that I'm not a horrible person for having these same wishes.

[Andrea, 32]

How perfect would it be to hire a company that 1. Whisks you off to a quiet retreat center where you could read and relax all day. (we dont need frills, we just need peace!) and 2. Send a grandmotherly-like lady to your house 4 hours before you return to tie up all of the loose ends your husband didnt handle. That would be the perfect vacation.

[NotFace]

I've had that wish, in various forms, since adolescence. The advantage of accident over illness is that illnesses are liable to make you feel crappy which diminishes the pleasure of being in bed, whereas an accident is more likely to take you off-site (key), procure opiates (bonus), and only hurt if you move (moot, if you have no intention of moving).