Bang. Bang. Bang bang.

A lot of stuff is going on, most of which I cannot yet discuss. (Professional matters, I’m talking about. In my personal life, all is pleasantly on track.) I have decisions to make. I’m spending way too much time writing pro and con lists. And slamming my head against the table. Again and again. How do you decide what to do? Do you make lists? Do you consult with friends? Rattle the bones of your ancestors? Stare at tea leaves?

So! In other news, this is the funniest impersonation I’ve heard in as long as I can remember. And that’s a long time. I am quite old.

Comments

[a]

Dithering annoys me, especially when I'm the one doing it. So I just decide (usually based solely on which option seems most attractive) and let the chips fall where they may.

Good luck...

[the grumbles]

well cats in pants, fins! i showed that to my husband and he showed it to yours, and now here it is.

i love the internet.

[SuzRocks]

I usually lay down in the grass, look up at the puffy clouds and see what shapes they make. If I can recognize any shapes as seeming similar to whatever choice I've got- that's the one I pick.

It's foolproof. Except on rainy days. Doesn't work so well then.

[Michelle]

I'm a weirdo and I just trust that my instinctual answer is the one I should take. Then I don't look back.

[Holly]

I have a few drinks and then decide. You know, cause I'm WAY smarter after some rum!

[Cora D]

I sleep on it, give my mind a rest, do something absolutely different. Then go back and ask myself again. Generally the answer arises from the deep. The answer is in there - you just have to clear the way to let it come out.

Also, ask yourself what you want the answer to be - might clear-up why you're having so much indecision.

[suburbancorrespondent]

If you are saying "should" about one of the options, don't do it. "Should's" never work out.

[Spring]

Your gut. Stop making lists. Sit in silence and just feel. Don't think.

[Zina]

I think the previous commenters are oversimplifying the problems of decision-making, because it's impossible to know thge outcomes of your choices. Like, if you're deciding between swimming or bowling and you choose swimming, an earthquake might open a ravine in the bottom of the pool, causing you to fall into a pit of molten lava, in which case you should have gone bowling. Or you could bowl and someone might have hidden rotten bananas in your bowling shoes.

Seriously, though, for major decisions my method is to gather as much information as possible, talk endlessly about the possible ramifications of the various options until no one can stand to be around me, make the best decision I can, and then pray about it.

For smaller decisions I procrastinate until my options close and I don't have a choice.

[Zina]

Also, that hypothetical was purely hypothetical, because in real life I would never bowl. Who wants to look so dorky trying to make that cannonball thing roll straight without breaking off my fingers?

Swimming is also a bad idea, because of swimsuits.

[Ashley]

I second (fourth?) following your gut. Gathering information can only get you so far -- nobody can see into the future. If it's the choice you really want to make, you'll make it work somehow.

Also, that Ian McKellen thing is HILARIOUS.

[Susan]

Play the "What's The Worst That Can Have If" game. If the worst that can happen isn't too terrible, do it. If it is, default to Idea #5: When in doubt, drink.

Good luck!

[Meredith]

Flip a coin, dude. Then you'll either feel relief if the right thing comes up, or be forced to seriously consider a thing you deep down don't want and you will know it is wrong. And don't tell the coin, but you then you can ignore the results and do what you think is best. But somehow, for me, it really does help clarify what I *don't* want.

[Cara]

I talk about it until everyone is sick of listening; I make mental pro and con lists; I look for comparable situations to analyze; I tell myself (over and over) that (with the exception of when we were deciding to have a child) you can always change your mind later, and when I think about what the lumps will be in doing so its usually not all that bad. And, after all that, I go with my gut, because by then I really know what it is I want to do deep down.

[Orion]

Maybe you should ask the Ian McKellen impersonator. He can do Popeye! Which means he has all of life's answers.
Or you can consult the iScopes button on your iPhone. There's an app for that...

[Miss B]

Huge decisions, I tend to make pretty instantly, in a follow-your-gut kind of way. Then, after the decision is made, all of my neurotic obsessive tendencies come out and play and I agonize over it endlessly until whatever it is is finally happening.

Tiny decisions, though? They absolutely fucking paralyze me. Don't ask me to pick something off a giant menu in a reasonable amount of time without having a small-scale anxiety attack first.

So, I suppose my advice is...decide first, agonize later?

[kdahlface]

I ask everyone I love and trust (it's a small group) and then usually make the opposite choice.

On the impersonation...his voice very much reminded me of the SNL impersonation of Sean Connery.

[Tina]

I agree with some of the previous posters...go with your gut.
And that video was priceless.
Best,
Tina

[Greta Koenigin]

When one of my high school students was trying to decide between two boyfriends, I told her to pick the one with more money. She responded, "They both have money," and sighed even more heavily. I spent the next 20 minutes telling her that I was kidding. Obviously, I'm no good with advice.

I think you're onto something with headbanging, since that's what I do. Agonize, write lists, and drive your friends/family crazy with questions. Then, you will be too tired and tortured to make the wrong decision.

Fatigue always points to the truth.

Good luck!

[Bellacantare]

Depends on what you're deciding between. If it's an opportunity that you can either take or pass on, I try to imagine what I'd feel like if the opportunity (or whatever you're deciding on) wasn't an option anymore. Would I be sad that I missed out? Hurt that I was passed over? Any feeling that is of the negative variety if I don't choose that direction? Guess I need to go with it then, even if it's a scary, unknown path before you. However, if you realize you wouldn't feel sad about letting that option go, in fact, you feel a bit of relief...then pass it by.
Hope that makes sense. And good luck.

[MJ]

I'm with Bellacantare - I go with the "What if I don't?" school of thought. Think hard about how you'd feel if you don't do whatever it is that you're considering, and that may help you realize what you really want to do.

[Gina]

Okay, sorry about your decision, but let's get to the important stuff - isn't it, "I'm strong to the FINISH, 'cause I eats me spinach"????

[Katka]

Usually I just wait until it all starts to make sense on its own. In other words, I need time to fidn out what my gut tells me...

[wietog]

Women have been especially conditioned to ignore their instincts, yet we are incredibly intuitive.

We are also socialized to think of others (family, neighbors, friends, colleagues, the community at large, the company) first.

And while you cannot compare apples to oranges, you can certainly break a decision down by making a graded list.

So, I advise the following to anyone making a "big" decision:

1) Describe the actual problem/dilemma/challenge/choice very clearly so you know what you are dealing with.

2) Write down ALL your concerns that come to mind about this issue in a brainstorm. Don't "think", just write until you feel the momentum slowing down.

3) Sit calmly and talk to yourself about the situation for a few minutes. Pay attention to what you are focusing on most about it.

4) Write an extensive list of pros/cons about your choices in the matter, taking cues from the previous exercises. For example, if you are deciding to move because of a job, compare the new place to your current one (home/town/etc.) as well as the new job vs. your current one. If it's applicable, use your senses (sight, touch, taste, smell, sound, etc.)

5) Go back and attach a "grade" of 0-10 to each factor in the list. In other words, is it very important for you to stay near your extended family? Then it's a 10. Would the new commute be easier? Maybe that's an 8.

6) Circle items that seem non-negotiable, like giving up your dream home.

7) Step away from the list and meditate for a few minutes. Clear your head.

8) Now, look back at the list and note which items actually have to do with your concern for others or other's expectations.

9) Condense the list down to those things that really matter to you the most. Is a new career challenge exciting for you - a 10? Is showing your kids that life is about adventure, not predictability very important to you - a 9?

10) Finally, re-read everything then call your best friend or closest confidante. Ask them to ask you the following questions:

a) If you had nothing holding you back, what would you do in this situation?

b) What is your greatest fear about choosing one way or the other?

c) What is your gut telling you?

[Alyce]

Thank you for that video. Speaking of being old, the one with The Fresh Prince of Bel Air is stupendous.

I make decisions by worrying about them until I've procrastinated and the decision gets made for me, or by boring my husband to death with the details until I've decided on my own.

[erica]

Oh, I genuinely LOL'd at that video. Laughing = good.

For those big, difficult decisions: look at your long term goals, no matter how fleshed-out they are. Which path leads you closer to those goals, even if by a side-road? I sometimes have a hard time knowing exactly what my long-term goals are, but I know small things that I want (or don't want) in life, and try to make sure that every decision is leaning toward those things. Also... breathe deeply, and often. :)

[anne]

That is a brilliant impersonation. I also like the guy who does the "Werner Herzog reads aloud" videos, have you seen those?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvWh6PMi9Ek

[wm]

Make lists. Pros and cons. Listen to heart. Try to keep in mind long-term goals and values and how the various options line up with those. Good luck!

[kilowatthour]

I tend to deny there is any choice to be made up until the last minute at which time I grasp at what seems like the best option right then. This is entirely foolproof.

[Catizhere]

I think you already know which to do. The hard part is DOING it!! Cowgirl up, Alice. I come from the school of "I'll try anything once, twice if it doesn't leave a mark".

[Kari]

hahaha, that video is hilarious. I like the part when he gags.

[Ev]

I agree that you should toss a coin, but only because just before it lands, you'll know how you want it to hit.

[shadymama]

i would totally take a minute to meditate. sit up straight, ask the sky fer guidance, breathe deep. but, lady, if that doesn't solve it for me, honestly?

i flip a damn coin.

but the catch is - *you HAVE to do what the coin says*. no waffling after the coin has landed.

on the other hand? if the coin lands heads (and heads, fer me, is always a Yes) and you think "crap! oh no!" then you should go with No. because obviously you wanted No more than Yes, you just didn't know it yet.

i think i'm making this sound more complicated than it is...either way? hasn't failed me yet - and i have made some BigAssDecisions using this highly scientificated method.

good luck!

[Beth]

I just decide really quickly and act as if it's a done deal for a few days. If I feel like shit, I go with the other option.

Truthfully, all the good decisions I've ever made were based on my gut, and all the bad ones were based on what I thought I should do.

[Unplanned Cooking]

I wish my energy and time were limitless. It's so difficult to chose among the things I love to do... good luck!

[kaylen]

Um, canned spinach?? That's not what popeye eats. I love the ending!!

I'm a list maker. And a deep thinker when in the shower. I try to focus on just one issue in the shower and plan my attack. And then all other problems are put on hold until I take another shower. One problem solved a day!!!

[Megsie]

I say yes. Just like Blue Poppy told me to. It has worked for me. Here is her post:

http://bluepoppy.omworks.com/index.php?ty=2009

[BeeMDMom]

Generally, I talk about it with my closest folks: hubby, mom, then a couple of friends. I do some pro and con listing. Then I try to take a drive or get somewhere by myself where I can listen to my gut.

It's never been wrong -- the only decisions I've even slightly regretted are the ones in which I didn't listen to that little voice in myself and believe in her.

Good luck!

[nini]

Listen to your gut, instinct, little voice, whatever you want to call it. Stay true to that and it is 100% fail proof.

[Andi]

The problem with me making decisions is that I always try to start out scientifically. Rationally. You know, good head on my shoulders. Don't wanna do anything rash, oh no!

But then I get tired of hte process, and the headaches... And I impulsively pick something.

I really should just impulsively pick something from the beginning, but hey. I have to make pretenses, am I right?

And so far, I should add, my life has been pretty good.

[LivewithFlair]

Hey! A great question to blog! I ask: What decision is more aligned with my personal mission statement? I use this question to even decide who to have coffee with, what to devote blog time to, what courses to teach, etc. Hope this helps people!

[Jan]

Sometimes, I meditate and focus on removing the emotional blockage (anxieties and fears), often by picturing the worse case scenario, finding the emotion attached to that outcome, and opening to it until it eventually fades away. Then, I program my sleep to find the right answer and let loose of the need for me to find "the" right answer. Somewhere in the next few days I either know the right answer, or get fed-up with the process and pick something---anything---to get the ball rolling.
In the long-run, no matter what decisions we make, it puts new events in motion. Then you just have to deal with the fall-out. Either way, it becomes material for blogging---yes?
(loved the video).

[Megan]

Alice, this comment has absolutely nothing to do with this post. It has to do with redbook. And inadequacy. My inadequacy, not yours. So anyway. This is what went down.

I just got a new blackberry, Alice, and it is awesome and since it has internet it has been like this SIREN CALL wired directly to my brain and I'm all "internet internet INTERNET" and I've followed your various comical misadventures but recently have lost track of you (...sorry. I have no excuse.) So I was all "I will use my new internet power to catch up on/stalk Alice!" And I read your post about your redbook post about worrying and I really wanted to eplain to redbook how valuable you are but my phone was all "NO COMMENT FOR YOU" and normally that would annoy me but I was all, oh well, the blackberry giveth and the blackberry taketh away.

Look! I used a period!

So anyway I really felt this desire to explain this because DANGIT I have something to say but I couldn't find your email address and so I had to leave all this in a comment and it's hard because this phone has buttons which keep getting smaller, I swear (probably it's mad that I spelled blackberry without capitalization. Whatever) and you might not even read this so if you DO I just want you to know that I like you, and that is the gist of this I think.

Yeah.

Okay bye then.

[Paula/adhocmom]

Decisions are horrible. Best advice I've ever received on such matters? When you're on the fence, decide whether or not you want to get off, and HAVE NO REGRETS. Sounds cheesy, but the commitment to not having regrets makes a big difference.

[Lara]

Alice, I just love you and everything you write, so I'd say that if the decision is one that will give us "more Alice," or even share "some Alice" with more people, then I say the answer is, "yes!"

And if that doesn't help clarify things, then I'd second Holly's vote, way up there, for letting rum help with the decision.

Either way...lots of us in your corner!

[April Moore Skelton]

I am interested in hearing Alice's Personal Mission Statement. If unavailable, a Strategic Plan will also suffice.